Please help crying my eyes out!!!

[andie73]

I'm sooo miserable at the moment. It is going to sound really silly. I'm almost scared to post about it.

I've got this friend at work, or I thought I had a friend at work but lately she just doesn't want to seem to talk to me. We have always got on really well but I feel that I am being avoided. When I asked her about it last week, she told me I was being paranoid, that really hurt as I don't want to be seen as paranoid. I'm insecure but paranoid is a bit harsh.

I'm crying my eyes out and I feel sooo pathetic I can hardly type. I don't want to go to work tomorrow, I find everyday at work with my anxiety a struggle but I cope. Recently though there has been a lot of talk about redundancy and I am scared to be off in case that reflects badly on me. I really really don't want to go in as I have to work near this person. I used to get chance to chat to her at work but now it seems impossible. I have tried to ring her three nights running at home and she doesn't answer my calls. I mentioned at work that I had called and she looked surprised as if she didn't realise I rang. But I think she is just trying to fob me off. I'm stupidly pathetic but this person is the one who would help me out if I panicked at work. I trusted her but now I feel all that trust is being eaten away.

Please please help as I am in peices over this.

[janeybaby25]

Aw Andrea, I am sorry to hear that. But maybe she has something on her mind or a problem at home which is making her distant. Why don't you try asking her if everything is ok in her life & if anything is bothering her? I think it's more likely to be something as simple at that. Maybe she just hasn't told you 'cos she doens't want to burden you with her problem(s) just tell her you would like to be there for her like she is for you. x

[andie73]

Thanks Janey. I just seem to be getting the smallest things way out of proportion lately. Once I start thinking negative thoughts about myself and others attitudes towards me I seem to lose all sense. I can't stop myself from spiralling out of control and feel the need to get reassurance to stop me going further down that slippery slope.

I finally managed to speak to her tonight and she had been to her friends. But by that point I had got myself into a state and was convinced she hated me. She was ok with me and said that if someone doesn't answer the phone it proably means they are out!!! Well I know that. But it didn't stop me getting sooo upset.

I've had really bad things happen to me in the past so I don't know why I am getting so het up about stupid little things. I am now wondering if I am losing my mind. It's really scaring me.

[Patty]

Hi Andie73,:)

I can so relate to you when you say:

'Once I start thinking negative thoughts about myself and others attitudes towards me I seem to lose all sense.'

I tend to have low confidence & self-esteem. There are times that all the negative thinking makes you fear that you are losing your mind. It can be so draining & annoying. Also that horrible feeling that other people just don't like you.

I am trying to just think to myself that other people can think what they want. We tend to worry more about other people and not concentrate enough on being kind to ourselves - thinking we've done/said something wrong etc.

I'm sure that the 'redundancy talk' has left you feeling even more stressed and anxious.

Sending you some :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1:

Best wishes xx :bighug1:

[andie73]

Thanks Patty - it's really hard to believe people actually like you when you don't like yourself. I go into work and usually I am the liveliest chattiest one there. I almost feel the need to over compensate for my lack of self confidence by being overly happy. The reality though is often very different and when the negative thoughts creep in I find it hard to keep the happy face going. People don't often realise when I am at work, but it comes out once I am on my own and at home.

I don't know why I feel the need to care so much about what other poeple think, and strangely it always seems to be the least encouraging ones that I try to make friends with, I must like a challenge lol. I think it's cos I've lost so many people in my life that I try to cling on to the ones I've got. Any glimmer that I have upset them sends me into a spin when I am feeling vulnerable.

Thanks again.

[Diane O'Brien]

I can totally relate to you. The amount of time I spend worrying in a day about wether I have upset someone or not. I sometimes go up to my friends and phone them up and explain that im worried ive upset them with something ive said or done and i never have. I hope it all works out for you with your friend, you sound lovely, I bet your friend is lucky to have you. :D

[suzyq54]

you do sound lovely, i say chin up girl go into work tomorrow and smile and be jolly although you may be hurting inside. if your friend is a genuine friend she will be there for you if she is not there then you are better off without her. i know i dont know you but hugs cost nothing and ill give you a :bighug1: big hug XXX take care and dont cry!!!