Anxiety over noises at night

[whitelight]

Hi all,

This is my first post on this forum, which I happened across when googling the problems I'm encountering, and it seems like a really good place to share what I'm going through, so here goes.

Firstly, I'm a male in my early 30s, and I've got a history of anxiety mixed in with some depression(apparently the two come as a neat package).

I'll probably post up in the introduce yourself forum in a while, but I wanted to come here first to specifically talk about what has recently happened to me and see if anyone else has had similar experiences, plus it's also quite cathartic to type all this out, which I'm sure will help.

I've not had any depression for a while, but I've always lived with a certain level of anxiety (a natural worrier you might say), but all of a sudden in the last 4 to 5 days I've had a number of what I would call "panic attacks" over the possibility of being kept awake at night by noisy neighbours.

Bit of background here, I live in top floor apartment which is in a block of nine, I own the property (well leasehold anyway). I've always had an "issue" over noises at night waking me up and disrupting my sleep, in that I'd get really wound up by it, but lately I've actually begun to get panic attacks over the possibility that something will wake me up (Which I know is silly, particularly when in the 3 and a half years I've lived in the apartment it's certainly in the single digit area how many times this has actually happened).

The "attacks" started over the weekend, when I saw someone coming out of our apartment block with a dog, and I remember thinking "Oh god a dog, it'll be barking all the time", and this got my pulse racing, sweating, and generally raised my anxiety levels.

Then on Sunday I heard it barking, and it turns out it's the apartment directly below me who have acquired the dog. This revelation sent me into a full blown panic attack, something I had never experienced before. My thought process was basically this :

Downstairs have a dog
It's barking
It'll bark at night
It'll keep me and my girlfriend (who lives with me) awake
I'll have to confront them about it
They'll not care
I'll have to make a complaint
Things will end up in a horrible dispute.

All this raced through my mind in a few seconds, and I ended up having to lie down and try and calm myself.

I've been to see the doctor and I've been put back on the meds I was on for my depression (as they also deal with anxiety and panic attacks), and I've asked to be referred to the local MIND office for some help in dealing with all this anxiety, but it's still early days and I'm still very nervous.

Part of me knows this is all just catastrophising (which I do a lot of) as the dog has only barked a handful of times and NEVER during the night (yet).

I feel the current situation is just a symptom, as I felt the same for a while when I saw that next door had just had a baby (again, I got quite panicked at the prospect of being kept awake by a screaming baby, but this hasn't happened either).

It's incredibly frustrating because I know I'm getting anxious over things that haven't happened and probably won't happen, but I can't help myself, it's kind of like a disaster preparedness routine I go through and I seem unable to turn it off!

I just seem very very protective over noises keeping me awake at night, to the point where it's making me so anxious over every little thing it's actually making me ill.

[Ddcoo]

Hi Whitelight, you have mysympathies regarding noise. I think when we suffer from anxiety and all too often shortness of sleep or broken sleep that we worry about getting insufficient sleep, and that any change in our normal routine throws us off at a tangent. I always worry that I won't be able to cope the next day unless I get 7 or 8 hours sleep, I think this goes back to when I was REALLY bad and had a "breakdown" as I was exhausted in those days.

I have found an answer to noise, and it is so simple, go to Boots the Chemists and get a box of MUFFLES, they are wax ear plugs which you warm and mould in your hand and then place them in your ears, I usually only use one as I lie on one ear and put a MUFFLE in the other. They are great and I have been using them for many years. The first time I used them was when I was going to Majorca and the hotel was noisy at night when people were walking up the stone corridors to go to bed and usually shouting goodnight to each other, and I have been using them ever since; I do hope this is of use to you and it will stop the anxiety about noise too.:)

[whitelight]

Thanks for the advice,

Earplugs are something I have considered, if I'm that worried about noises waking me at night that it's making me extremely anxious maybe I should make an effort to shut them out.

It's really annoying though because at the moment there ARE NO NOISES that are waking me at night, it's just the FEAR that there will be.. and not just to me, because my girlfriend lives with me I worry that should there be disruption to our sleep it will affect her too and I really worry about that as well. She's been really great, very supportive, and joked how she's such a heavy sleeper it probably wouldn't affect her anyway, but that doesn't stop me getting anxious.

Another example would be last month my girlfriend and I went to London and stayed in a hotel. When we got to our rooms at about 4pm there was an awful racket coming from outside, like a generator running. I got so worried as to what the noise was and whether it would still be there when we went to bed later on that night, that I ended up going out of the hotel and walking around to the site where the noise was coming from to see what exactly was making the noise and if it was something that was likely to be on all night. About 5 minutes after I got back to the room the noise stopped and I was instantly relaxed.

I also stayed in another hotel recently for work purposes, and remember being in the bar and there was a really loud, drunk, lady at the bar. I got very anxious as I started to worry that she would have the room next to mine, and be really noisy and I wouldn't get much sleep.

I almost feel like I've conditioned myself like Pavlov's dogs, in that, for example, I hear the dog bark in the flat below during the day and my heart instantly starts thumping away, sweat breaks out on my hands and I start shaking and feel really really anxious, despite the fact that noise during the day has never bothered me up until last week.

I keep telling myself, "wait until you get woken up by stuff and then deal with it, otherwise you're just worrying over nothing", but I'm always thinking 10 steps ahead and about hypothetical situations, and this is probably the source of my anxiety. I'm constantly thinking about this issue and trying to get a "handle" on it, a way of thinking that in my mind will stop me worrying, kind of like a "eureka" moment, but so far it's not working.

[Ddcoo]

Hello again Whitelight, I have only just got back to my computer and caught up with your reply. I think you are doing all the right things by going back on your medication and seeking help as its obvious you are having extra anxiety at the moment and hence the "crossing your bridges before you get to them", I too have the same problem, I find solutions to problems that will probably never arise, I seem to be born a worrier and the only way I can help myself is by medication and pre-planning . Do get some earplugs though, because if there IS a noise at night, at least the problem will be solved by using them straight away, and as for all the other problems, they will subside a great deal one the medication is up and running and I wish you peace and quiet. Keep posting and let us know how you get on.

[whitelight]

I'm feeling a little better today, and my partner and I will both be away from the flat for most of the week due to work commitments, so hopefully this will give me more time to "calm down" and give the medication (Mitrazapine) more time to bring me down to a nice steady level. I have bought some earplugs though, as I'll be in a hotel for a few nights!

Interestingly, I don't feel anxious about the thought of noise in hotel rooms etc.. because I know any noise issues during the night are temporary, I would just find a noisy neighbour in a hotel room would make me annoyed rather than anxious.

I think it's more of an issue for me that where I live is quiet at night because.. well.. it's where I live. It's obviously turned into a bit of a phobia though, when I'm getting so anxious over people being noisey that I'm experiencing panic attacks.

[whitelight]

Update,

Things are kind of moving on now, I've had a referral through from my Doctor for an Anxiety Management group therapy with MIND and I've now spoken to them and am on the waiting list, they reckon it'll probably be February time before I start.

Personally I'm not sure where I am, it's been two weeks of being on Mitrazapine, and I suppose the best way to describe things is emotionally blank in most situations, but with the occasional "spike" of anxious panic when I catch my mind spooling up and running through situations in my head.
I'm still having some unpleasant physical symptoms related to panic though, things like the pounding heart, shaking hands, sweats etc.. and am unsure if my medication will address this.

I guess I'm still trying to get a "handle" on my worry, a train of thought that I can take when my mind starts to worry about specific things, kind of like a solution to a problem that hasn't happened yet. I'm chatting with my girlfriend about it a lot, and we both think that the current issue (downstairs neighbours possibly having a dog that could possibly bark at night) has to be symptomatic for something else, but I'm not sure what. It could be a fear about confrontation (having to approach them if the barking became a problem), or possibly a fear about being trapped in a situation I can't get out of (not being to move until we sell the flat which is a problem at the moment with the current credit crunch), or possibly not being able to control the situation (i.e if the dog was there and barking I'd have no control over when it did so).

It's bizarre that I'm so "sensitive" now to having a nice quiet place to sleep, as I think back to all the places I've lived in up to this point, and they've all had minor problems with noise - I lived in a shared house with four other mates and sometimes there was always something going on late in the night (tvs on, the odd party etc..) , I lived in flat above a shop on a main road where the shop door banged a lot and lorries rumbled past at 6AM sometimes, and I lodged in another house where the neighbour would often come back drunk at all hours and play music quite loud... but NONE OF THOSE THINGS EVER SEEMED TO BOTHER ME. Ironically I'm probably living in a place that is one of the quietest I've lived in (at least at night), but yet I have this panicked worry about noises waking me at night and keeping me and my girlfriend awake. Perhaps it's because I own the property and feel a little bit more "stuck", whereas if I was renting I could quite easily up sticks and move.

Anyway, just sharing where I am right now. I have the earplugs and they work quite well but I'm loath to use them a lot as it's not really solving the problems, but they are a handy thing to have (particularly when I'm staying in hotels)

PS . There was a wonderful article in this months "Mens Health" (UK) which was one persons experience with ongoing depression, and reading that I related to it quite a lot. I heartily recommend it to you all.

[Ddcoo]

I.m so pleased you have got a referal for the anxiety management, I had to wait 7 months for mine. I am sure they will help you to find out how to handle your noise problems. It was interesting to hear that you think there is an alternative slant regarding the noise problem, i,e. that it may be a confrontational thing, would you confront anyone about a noise problem, or would you just let it go and suffer the noise. I have been in the same situation in the past, and I am not a confrontational person, but a neighbour was making a lot of noise after 10.30pm, he was doing DIY, I was trying to get to sleep and of course I couldn't, so I went round to see him and he was so apologetic and he said he handn't realised it was so late, as he was so engrossed in his project, and he stopped immediately. If it had been a stranger in a hotel or similar, then I would not have had the bottle to confront them.

I too get so stressed with noise, and like you, it is very quiet at night where I live, I guess I am very lucky. My one fear is any of my near neighbours moving and I get new people who would be noisy.

So glad you got some earplugs, I'm sure you will find them useful on occasions. Do keep posting on your progress, especially when you get to the group.

[whitelight]

I can relate to the new neighbours fear, living where I am I've gone through three changes of next door, and both times remember thinking "hope they aren't a nightmare", and all three times there's been no problem.

I'm begining to think I may have developed a phobia over noisy neighbours specifically.

On the one level I know you can't live next to/above/below someone without a little bit of noise, and as long as you aren't being kept awake at night or woken up at 2am by loud stereos / shouting / barking etc.. then there really isn't a problem.

But sitting here at seven o'clock in the evening and occasionally hearing downstairs it sends my heart pumping, my stomach sinking, and I feel light headed, and it shouldn't be like that. If it was at 3 in the morning things would be different but I shouldn't be getting worried about it during the day / evening. I'm trying to put my finger on what exactly it is I'm worried about, but it's proving quite elusive.

I think that's what makes anxiety / panic / and phobias so bad, because most people who suffer from one of them (or all of them) know that their anxiety / fear is irrational, but they can't stop feeling like they do, and then feel worse because they know it's irrational.

[whitelight]

Well, a bit of an update, things have waxed and waned over the xmas period. I was absolutely fine when I was away from the apartment for a few days, but since I've come back things are really getting to me.

I seem to have become really sensitive to any foreign noises at any time of the day, like this morning I woke up at about 9ish and then heard someone talking in the flat downstairs (they must have been close to the window), and my body reacted by quickening my heart, my stomach felt like it dropped a foot, I felt light headed and nauseous. Not a pleasant experience.

It's got to the point where my mind doesn't even have a chance to start catastrophising, my body just has this panicked response.

As I've said in previous posts, it's not as if I'm currently encountering anything out of the ordinary to what I've lived quite happily with for two years, it just seems that I've developed a "super-sensitive" nature where I seem to pick up on every knock, muffled voice etc.. and my body reacts in a panicked way with what seems like very little prompting from the thoughts in my brain.
I've got another week and half before I'm due back at the doctors for a reassessment.

I've really got to try and train myself not to have this response to foreign unexpected noises when I'm at home, but I'm not sure how to start... If I had a problem with something like heights or spiders I've read plenty of solutions to this (gradual exposure etc..) but I can't find any helpful hints of how to deal with this issue I have of outside noise intruding when I'm at home (based on the original fear of being kept awake at night by noise). Moving to a secluded cottage in the middle of nowhere isn't an option, and anyway wouldn't solve the problem, I'd just be avoiding it. I really want to beat this but don't have a clue how to start.

[whitelight]

Things are not going well at the moment, I'm really suffering waves of anxiety, brought on by noises from downstairs neighbours. Things have moved on now and it seems that over the Xmas period I think they had laminated or wooden flooring fitted. I'm not sure on this, but I heard a lot of DIY type sounds and now I can hear footsteps and voices are a lot clearer and louder. This is from the apartment below me.

If they have had flooring fitted in place of carpet it couldn't have come at a worse time for me.. I'm so low right now, I've taken up one to one counselling with MIND but only had my first session last week. The mornings are terrible, I wake up and feel awful.

This morning I was woken by a child from downstairs shouting, and it was only luck that my girlfriend had to get up at that time to go to work. I felt physically sick and when she left I just made it to the toilet before I was sick, I didn't want to be ill in front of her. I just feel so rotten, but don't want to worry my girlfriend anymore than I already have. I went back to the doctors last week but was just told to carry on with the medication and give it time to work (it's been 8 weeks), so I don't even feel like I can go back again.

I just feel completely at the mercy of this situation, I try and tell myself things like "it could be a lot worse" or "noise during the day shouldn't bother you and it's still quiet at night" but I'm just completely overawed by my anxiety at the moment, I don't know what a breakdown is, but I'm really worried that I'm heading for one.

I might be picking up on noise more because it's the current "big cause" of my anxiety, but I can't break the cycle, I hear loud noises from the neighbours I get anxious, so I notice more noise, which increases my anxiety and on and on and on...

[revo_man]

Oh my god whitelight, its like you are writing a story based on my life, I too have been suffering an increase of noise anxiety. In my current home there is occasional noises that are sometimes a bit much but nothing too bad. I live in a mid terrace house (owned) and we have nice neighbours, one with small childeren who play in the garden, the other with tenage childeren . Im 28 and the oldest is 18 and I get on with him suprisingly well regarding the age difference. even so I still suffer extreme noise anxiety, as im writting this he is playing some sort of football game on his xbox and I hear the occasional cheer, its only 7.30pm but I find this so, so irritating, my heart is beating, im sweaty, i feel sick to the stomach. Its like I expect silence and nothing else will do (which I know on a concious level is so wrong) I live with my girlfriend and she has confirmed that theres no real problem, occasional door slam and shout after 10pm but nothing - ever - after 11pm. Once they had a big arguement and the mother came round to apologise to me the next day. basically theyre a typical, noisy, aproachable family. Even so Im getting so anxious about the slightest noise, my dream is to just hear a yell and think oh well, instead of breaking out in this cold sweat. Its really affecting my life and making me Ill, on top of this my mum has been diagnosed with terminal cancer which is adding to my worries. Ive had depression in the past sorted it out with councilling. Ive always known I had an anxious side too but the noise thing has really come out! its a bit of a relief knowing that im not the only one suffering anxiety like this!

The only reason I found your post is I started googeling allsorts of key words describing how I was feeling!.

Basically I was wondering if you have found a resolve yet?

[whitelight]

My dream outlook as well is to hear some foreign noise (say a man shouting "be quiet!" at a child) from the flat downstairs and it registers so far down my priority list that I either shrug it off without a second thought, or don't even notice it.. that would be bliss!

What the worst about this is that I'm dealing with noises which in the grand scheme of things aren't that bad. I'm like you in that I hear noises which are in no way threatenining but my body initiates a "flight or fight" response.

I also am a big one for "jumping to conclusions" - if a problem or worry presents itself I'll be ten steps down the road already taking it to the worst case conclusion.

One thing I found on the internet was this statement - I've adapted it slightly but it's pretty much as is :

"If you're a highly sensitive person in general, noise can be a powerful trigger to getting upset, but you can work on getting yourself less upset about it.

If you're telling yourself that you can't stand that noise, or that you can't stand your reaction to the noise you'll make yourself much more vulnerable to getting upset about the noise.

But if you tell yourself that you do not like the noise or your reaction to it, but that you definately can stand it, you will come to see that the noise is only a distraction, and not drastically dismaying.

With practise and effort you can work on showing yourself that a noise need not make you anxious, it is just a hassle."

I've written it down and keep it in my wallet, sometimes it helps. I'm on lots of medication at the moment which is keeping the panic attacks at bay, but it's not an ideal solution because it doesn't solve the problem in my head.

I need to think up an effective "exposure therapy" situation for my specific phobia - noisy neighbours at night. More on that in phobias.

[revo_man]

hi whitelight, thank you for your response, its so comforting knowing that others are like me. I like you cant fully understand it, I seem to have become so sensitive in some areas over the years, but (not sure if you are like this) im very strong in others, its a bit like a jeckle and hyde for sensitivity, ive asked my counsillors if they think im bipolar but they said no. I like your web text, ill print it off and put it in my wallet with my many other anecdotes! lol

I also need to think of a way to sort this out, exposure therapy sounds like a good idea but I find I have no problem with my own noise, and my gf is a very gentle calm lady so she doesnt make much noise either - come to think of it is this the reason? (maybe I feel compelled to protect her from noise some how?)

reading about your jumping to conclusions, I also suffer from that, although I did manage to overcome it once before (I had a bad start to 2008 with an excellent end, only for my mum to be ill in early 09) but have become anxious again, its a bit like a relapse or something. last year my early 2008 problems disspaeared and with taking up some hobbies including excercise and finding new friends which helped a great deal but it doesnt adress the root of the problem, I feel that I can be "knocked off my pearch" so easily!

Im going to email anxietyuk.org and see if they can identify whats behind this. sometimes I feel fine and someties I feel so crazy like my head is going to implode - Ive also been suffering panic attacks since the bad news about my mum.

I was thinking if there was a time in our lives where very loud noises = a bad event, Ive had a couple of motorbike accidents when I was 18 but luckely was un injured, they were loud - could another event that we cannot recall be our problems?

ive got loads of CBT reference books from a period of depression in 2005 so im going to read through them tonight to see if there is anything there as well...

[kisslekate]

OMG i have exactly the same thing i had an issue with my neighbours being noisy it got so bad i would walk in and listen for any noise it was totally obsessive anyway the council sorted it eventually now i hear nothing but since christmas i have a new problem upstairs have installed a wood floor all i hear is stomp stomp stomp

upstairs have wood flooring
they are stomping
they stomp at night
they keep me awake
I'll have to confront them about it
i get on really well with them , i dont do confrontation
I'll have to make a complaint
Things will end up in a horrible dispute.

sorry to nick your wording!

i know my anxiety is very high just started new job on monday (hate being the new girl)

im on venlafaxine and quetiapine xl

i hate my life !

[whitelight]

I can recommend the earplugs you get from Boots called Muffles - they're kind of a wax/cotton hybrid and do go a long way to keep sound out. You normally only need one, for whatever side you don't sleep on as the ear next to the pillow normally doesn't need one. I have in the past cut one of the plugs in two and put half in each ear for extra effectiveness - though I wouldn't recommend this as you have be sure you won't get a bit stuck down your canal. Normally one is fine for me, works in hotel rooms ( I stay away a bit). I've also put some meditation music (mine is just a 60 minute recording of a rainstorm, very relaxing to me) on my mobile phone and a decent pair of philips noise cancelling in-the-ear phones. These will go with me everywhere so I can always tune out the outside world and focus on C-A-L-M.

Revo Man - it's interesting what you say about wanting to protect your girlfriend from the noises, as it got me thinking about WHY I am so concerned about noise intruding at night. I've lived in flats and houses where there was a reasonable amount of noise at night ( I Lived above a shop that opened at 6am and closed at 11pm on a main road, I've lived in a shared house with four other blokes, lots of noise there, and I've lodged with someone who's next door neighbour was a bit of a party girl and would come back at all hours playing awful garage music.... yet throughout all that I never developed the fears I have now. There are only two differences I can see- firstly I own the flat I live in, and in this current monetary climate I'm suffering from the negative equity trap. so...

POINT 1 - Could I be feeling trapped by having to live in the apartment, as we haven't got enough deposit saved yet to move. If we had rented at the first sign of having nasty noisy neighbours we could up sticks and leave.

POINT 2 - Could it be that I feel responsible for my girlfriends well being as she lives in the flat with me. All the previous times I've lived in noisy places, it was only me I had to worry about, which I guess kept it simple. Now my girlfriend lives with me... do I feel responsible for her too and feel any noise at night will interrupt her sleep - and I don't like that?

Lot's of food for thought for me to bring up at my next councelling session,

[revo_man]

whitelight, Ive sent you a message...

[whitelight]

Bah,

As always things are changing. I felt I was getting to the point where I could learn to accept outside noises - after all hearing someone shout at their child at 3 in the afternoon isn't anywhere near as bad as someone putting on loud music at 2AM. As a lot of people told me "noise is a part of life" and by accepting a certain level of noise - particularly in an apartment block things won't get to me as much. I've also been swapped over to Citalopram which - once I've struggled through the first two weeks - I'm hoping will start to have an effect.

BUT, sods law, now my next door neighbours have moved out as well, and I find myself sitting here in disbelief. It's very hard not to take it personally, because this couldn't have happened at a worse time as I'm rying my best to get over my fear of having noisy neighbours. So now here I am doing my best to learn to accept a little bit of noise from downstairs (which as I say time and time again isn't actually that bad, it's just my anxiety amplifying everything) - and now I've got the new fear about what sort of neighbours we're going to get next door, and as always when I'm in the grip of the anxiety monster my mind thinks up the worst case scenarios and I find the panic and anxiety builds and builds!

In my mind I have three goals - first to learn to accept my anxiety, not to fight it but to just go with it, secondly to accept that life in general is uncertain, who can say what will happen tomorrow or when a neighbour will move out etc.. it's just part of life. Thirdly, and this is the big one, to accept that I cannot control everything about my life and there are things that will happen that I cannot alter, I just have to "go with the flow".

I know that feeling the need to control everything is one of the main sources of my anxiety (I can't control a neighbour who decides to be noisey), but I can control my attitude towards such things.

I'm on a waitlist for a intensive CBT course, which I'm hoping will really give the tools to help manage my anxiety and live a normal life free from fear, because at the moment it seem that everything scares me.

I feel fortunate that I have a strong support network of my girlfriend, my family, and the Crisis team, but I know deep down that the only person who can change this is me...

I just can't help but feel so annoyed that just when I thought I might be able to get a handle on my neighbour fear, my next door neighbours move out! Talk about bad timing!

Dan

[uru]

Hey whitelight!

I'm going through what you (and others describe) and I know this thread is old. It I want to know if things got better for you?