Keep mucking up social invites!

[venoms]

Hello All,

I can be very shy at times, and hate being in crowded places like pubs surrounded by lots of people, especially when I don't know the people very well. So when my newish boyfriend asked me to go to his mates' b'day party I was quite stressed and reluctant, particularly as it was a dressy affair (I feel even less comfortable in a dress & this just added to the stress).

I didn't want to upset my boyfriend and didn't want it to look bad by not going so I eventually agreed. Once there I just froze up. I didn't know anyone other than a couple of my boyfriend's mates who I had met before, everyone was drinking (I prefer not to drink), and everyone was dancing - which I also never do as I feel too shy & awkward.

I ended up calling a friend to come & rescue me & take me back to my car. My boyfriend said it's fine & that he was so glad I came & was really grateful that I did, knowing how hard it was for me to be there. But now I'm worried his friends will think that we're not at at all suited (he's always out drinking, being sociable - the total opposite to me), and also I have my work's Christmas party next month which I have already paid to go to & am now absolutely dreading as it's going to be exactly the same - everyon dancing & drinking except for me. I really don't know what to do & just wish I could be more confident & let my hair down.

[MacAodh]

Hey venoms,

I'm not sure I can offer a lot of confidence as I'm struggling myself at the mo, but I do know that his friends probably didn't think anything bad of it - its not a crime to be shy. And the christmas do won't necessarily be the same, especially as you have time before it and you could work on a couple of practical tactics to break the ice and help you feel more confident.

Before going to another boyfriend social you could ask your boyfriend about his friends, that way you'll feel more comfortable as you already know a little about them, and will have something to talk about to them if you find you have things in common. I'm sure they will also feel flattered and be really pleased to know you've been talking about them.

Hope that helps x

Hang in there,

J

[janeybaby25]

aw honey. I am quite a confident person but I just don't enjoy going out, so I don't! Do you & your boyf live together? maybe you could invite them all round that way you might feel more confortable in your own surroundings. I know I do. People who don't understand anxiety, won't get it, but the hell with them. Its like at uni, I don't like going on in fancy dress, it's just not me, so I don't go but they all b&tch about me then. I just ignore em. People like that aren't worth bothering about. xxxxxxxxxxx

[venoms]

Thanks for your replies. No we don't live together - and it seems that whenever he meets them it's always down the pub so I always feel like I'm on a bit of a backfoot! Sadly I don't seem to have anything in common with most of them - only one who I can talk about cars to, other than that its just making polite chit-chat, which I'm none too good at.

[MacAodh]

venoms, I know it doesn't help, but maybe you're just different and don't get along with his friends. I know I feel like I should get along with everyone, so I gotta keep reminding myself its not possible, that I can't please everyone and remember to relax xx