Horrible horrible intrusive thoughts :(

[Anzie2008]

Hi all:)

I am still suffering with horrible intrusive thoughts and it is doing my head in!!! :mad: Last week generally was a much better week for me, but this week hasn't been as good so far.

Just to fill you in, I had been having horrible obsessive thoughts about harming myself; even killing myself. I would be panicking every time I saw something that you could kill yourself with, all the usual horrible "What ifs" that come with anxiety.

Things generally have improved; I'm not worrying so much about all the different ways you could kill yourself. It's more or less the odd thought at the moment, but it seems to be the same startling thought; "What if i strangle myself?"
I can't even believe what I've been thinking to be honest, writing that ^^ has made me feel so silly. But these thoughts are still really worrying me, it's like they are trying to convince you that you actually want to do this, but nothing could be further from the truth!! I can't imagine dying at all, it's just ridiculous :scared15:

All i've done throughout the last year is pray that I would live through all the bad times and the operation and everything, so to be thinking like this obviously really upsets me! It's not like I'm even depressed! I still believe I have this love of life, and I want so much out of life, but I can't help going back to these hideous thoughts & thinking what will happen in moments of weakness or whatever?!
There are still good times; I tend to forget about these thoughts when I'm down the pub with my Dad and having decent conversations with people, which seems to prove I don't really want this... I feel happy when I'm not having the thoughts...

What the heck is wrong with me, am I loosing the plot for real this time?! :wacko:
I'm sorry that didn't make much sense, I just needed to get it off my chest.

xxx

[Anxious_gal]

good thing is, people never do what they fear doing! only time this happened me was once while on antidepressants,
oh my lord it was scary as hell! I knew I wouldn't kill myself but was terrified I would, i couldn't leave my room for fear of the kitchen knives!
i have no advice, but this must be such a hard thing to go through,
i know that you can get OCD thoughts, so maybe someone else will have good advice x

[jill]

Hi hun, :D :hugs:

I am soo sorry to hear what you are going through, my heart goes out to you:hugs: I know how DAME hard it is to have horrible thoughts :hugs:

Thoughts and how we react to thoughts ARE a big part of anxiety. If we react and fear thoughts we feel fear, if we try and stop the thought or hate the thoughts being there, this fuels anxiety.

Ohh I know its dame hard for you right now and you have been through alot, but hunny, its like me saying DON'T think of a dog, mmm, you feel you can't. RIGHT, but, its a lugh because thinking about a dog is not important to you right now, it does not scare you, RIGHT?

Thoughts are fueled by how much attention we give them, how important we make the thought, how scary we make the thoughts. If you use positive self thoughts. ALLOW, the thought to be there, give yourself good reason for the thoughts being there, eg, they are there because I am acute anxiety suffers, ITS OK, they can stay. They WILL GO in time, If you keep fighting against the thoughts, eg, ohh I don't like them, I hate them, there getting on my nearves, ohh boy, this fuels anxiety.

Thoughts ARE a symptom of anxiety, the more attentiion you give a symptom the longer it last.

YOU KNOW, that each thought anxiety presents to you, is NOT real, IS NOT true, you have a love of life, YOU KNOW this, BUT, when your anxiety levels goes high, this is when it gets harder for you, YES, you have proven to yourself, that when fully distracted the thoughts are not there, YES, this shows you that when the thoughts do come, you are paying them far to much attention and putting MORE importants on the thoughts. NOT likeing them bening there is all part of Mrs anxiety tricks, YOU have to try DAME hard to change the way you think and ALLOW them to be there, TELL yourself the thoughts CAN stay, its ok, YOU CAN DEAL with them, there NOT botheing you, this helps soooo much and you move on a little. Mmm, this sounds easy, its NOT, it take alot of hard work, time and support.

If you look at it this way, Stephen King is a very famous book film writer, he has thoughts that make him money, ohhhh boy, does it. He comes up with some horrible things YES. He, DOES NOT fear these thoughts, he knows he has a very good imagination, writes a book and puts these thoughts to one side.

When we are acute with panic, anxiety we still have our imaginations, BUT it is fueled by a big dollop of anxiety, these 2 things when acute a very hard to separate. I rememeber thinking when acute, ohhhhh I DO have a good imagination, I can frighten the life out of myself with just a small thought.

YOU are NOT, silly, NOT AT ALL please DON'T think this, this type of thinking will only fuel your anxiety, ITS NOT SILLY being unwell, is it hunny :hugs: and that is what you are right now, unwell.:hugs:

Please, be kind to yourself, know, that what you are going through right now, this is how anxiety works, on our thoughts, negative thoughts.

Your thoughts have a profound effect on the way you feel, if you tell yourself the worse, then you expect it and usueally get it.

Hunny, look at it this way..

If someone subjected a family memeber or a friend the kind of punishment anxiety is giving you, surly you would intervene, YES?
You would defend them and yet with yourself you beat yourself up with negaitve thoughts, hunny, please, be your own friend, talk to yourself like you would, when helping others.

Ohhh I know its dame hard, just letting thoughts like these be there, but the more you fight against it, the more the power the thoughts have.

I know for me, I felt like I had NO control over my thoughts, Mmm, well, this is what Mrs anxiety told me (she's a bl**dy liar) if we feel like we have NO cotrol, which it does when acute with anxiety, we feed our anxiety.

When we start to make small goals on changing how we think, this helpS us move forward a little and gives us MORE confidace in dealing with anxiety.

Write down positive statments you can say to yourself, you know why these thoughts are there (anxiety symptom) Mrs anxiety trying to scare you.

Writing things down and learning to talk to yourself in a positive way is not easy, it does take alot of hard work, but, with all that work you give, you learn, in time, to understand that YOU CAN control your thoughts..

I rememeber thinking about the thoughts how, YES they came on all the time, but each time they did, why ohh why they supprised me so much, ecceptance was the key, NOT to expect them, BUT, if they happend, just eccept them, let them be there, with positive reasuring thoughts, helped me move on a little.

YOU TAKE CARE

LOVE JILLXXX