Anzie2008
20-11-08, 00:02
Hi all:)
I am still suffering with horrible intrusive thoughts and it is doing my head in!!! :mad: Last week generally was a much better week for me, but this week hasn't been as good so far.
Just to fill you in, I had been having horrible obsessive thoughts about harming myself; even killing myself. I would be panicking every time I saw something that you could kill yourself with, all the usual horrible "What ifs" that come with anxiety.
Things generally have improved; I'm not worrying so much about all the different ways you could kill yourself. It's more or less the odd thought at the moment, but it seems to be the same startling thought; "What if i strangle myself?"
I can't even believe what I've been thinking to be honest, writing that ^^ has made me feel so silly. But these thoughts are still really worrying me, it's like they are trying to convince you that you actually want to do this, but nothing could be further from the truth!! I can't imagine dying at all, it's just ridiculous :scared15:
All i've done throughout the last year is pray that I would live through all the bad times and the operation and everything, so to be thinking like this obviously really upsets me! It's not like I'm even depressed! I still believe I have this love of life, and I want so much out of life, but I can't help going back to these hideous thoughts & thinking what will happen in moments of weakness or whatever?!
There are still good times; I tend to forget about these thoughts when I'm down the pub with my Dad and having decent conversations with people, which seems to prove I don't really want this... I feel happy when I'm not having the thoughts...
What the heck is wrong with me, am I loosing the plot for real this time?! :wacko:
I'm sorry that didn't make much sense, I just needed to get it off my chest.
xxx
I am still suffering with horrible intrusive thoughts and it is doing my head in!!! :mad: Last week generally was a much better week for me, but this week hasn't been as good so far.
Just to fill you in, I had been having horrible obsessive thoughts about harming myself; even killing myself. I would be panicking every time I saw something that you could kill yourself with, all the usual horrible "What ifs" that come with anxiety.
Things generally have improved; I'm not worrying so much about all the different ways you could kill yourself. It's more or less the odd thought at the moment, but it seems to be the same startling thought; "What if i strangle myself?"
I can't even believe what I've been thinking to be honest, writing that ^^ has made me feel so silly. But these thoughts are still really worrying me, it's like they are trying to convince you that you actually want to do this, but nothing could be further from the truth!! I can't imagine dying at all, it's just ridiculous :scared15:
All i've done throughout the last year is pray that I would live through all the bad times and the operation and everything, so to be thinking like this obviously really upsets me! It's not like I'm even depressed! I still believe I have this love of life, and I want so much out of life, but I can't help going back to these hideous thoughts & thinking what will happen in moments of weakness or whatever?!
There are still good times; I tend to forget about these thoughts when I'm down the pub with my Dad and having decent conversations with people, which seems to prove I don't really want this... I feel happy when I'm not having the thoughts...
What the heck is wrong with me, am I loosing the plot for real this time?! :wacko:
I'm sorry that didn't make much sense, I just needed to get it off my chest.
xxx