Growing up with an anxious parant

[other]

I have had depression for about 3+ years now. It comes and goes, sometimes it's as if it's not there at all and can be temporarily ignored but it's always lurking around. Recently it's gotten so out of hand in the past year and has even lead to me having to be pulled off the roof of my flat. I had no idea how i got up there my mind was blank. It was the reasult of me bottling everything up and cutting myself off from people because i felt to awkard in social situations. When I was growing up for many, many years it was just me and my Mum, and my baby brother. My Mum eventully became agoraphobic though she avoided the subject with me directly as a child, to protect me of something I don't know, but i knew something was wrong but didn't fully understand it. I remember one rare day my Mum was brave enough to take me and my friend out to the cinema for what i recall was my birthday. She broke down that day and had a panic attack. It's obvious to me now, as i to suffered from panic attacks later, but not at the time. I just remember feeling alone and not understanding made me scared. I saw the woman who brought me up single handedly who had always been such a strong person crummble and shatter in the street for no reason. She tried to hide it but I could see it i just wanted to hug her but i didn't. She must have been terrified inside. I began to lose respect for my mum at the time and misbehaved at school and took advantage at home because i couldn't understand why she was like this. It was wrong I know but I had no idea how bad this thing was and i was going though changes myself growing into a grumpy teenager.
Years later and things have changed my mum is a shining beaming even stronger now shes faced her demons. She feel in love with my stepdad and he helped her get though it. And now my problems are out in the open she is giving all her support. and the beggining of an end to all of this is hopefully not to far away (though im still not getting my hopes up) differance is now i can recignise that there is something wrong and can now start fighting it. I used to be such a coinfident outgoing guy now i don't even come close and i want it back.

Thankyou, sorry it's such a long rant, and for give me if my scatty writing is hard to understand.:)

[marie1974]

hiya matey, its good to hear that u are fighting back and u recognise wot is wrong etc.

my mum suffered HA when younger and is a very anxious person and thats rubbed off on me, luckily i have fought long and hard to feel better and i am aware of why i feel like i do and cbt has helped alot too.

i hope between u and your family u can smile again feel happy and confident
hugs xxxxxx