View Full Version : oh eck...here I go again
Having a big self pity day.
Big black cloud hanging over my shoulder. Can't shake it off. Old familiar downward spiral is here and it is bloody fast. I go from ok to depths at the speed of a bullet.
Anxiety is constantly gnawing away at me. Have diazepam to take but don't like them. Have to collect kids from school in a bit but am sick at the thought of going outside. I am shivering like i have a fever.
Scared of getting ill. Properly ill I mean. I am trying really really hard to manage my mood swings without the use of anymore meds but I am not doing too well at the mo. Really scared and present mood is not a good indicator.
So much stuff is happening for me and I feel ready to blow.
I think I may lose my job. Well. I have already lost it but i think I am going to lose any chance of getting another job in the dept. I don't want another job just now, I really really don't feel able for it but everyone is pushing me. My hubs, my shrink, my cpn, my employers. I don't think I would get benefits cos they think I am fit. We cannot live on my hubs wage alone.
Scared I am going to ruin everyones christmas by getting ill.
Can't tell the shrink how I feel as I want my driving license back. I won't get it back if I become unwell again. Yet, I know the sensible thing is to tell him. But I will hate myself if I tell him and jeopardise getting my license back. I also want to prove him wrong as i read a letter he sent to my GP re my mood. He said it was 'good..... but long may it last' Great eh? he has no faith in me at all. Well, I suppose he is right enough.
I am feeling so bad cos it is the weekend. That is an old thing. I thought I had got rid of that. I feel terrible that I feel like this cos I am going to have the kids all weekend. I actually feel scared of having my kids. The weekend seems like a huge mountain to get over. Last weekend I had to call the mht as I lost it big style but I managed to convince the pdoc on the monday that it was a blip, a one off.
Husband is not working this weekend and he always gives me a hard time about my anxiety.. he is going to give me a hard time today when he comes home and nothing is done. I can't get my brain into gear and work out what needs done.
I am actually feeling hospital is going to be an inevitability if I don't get myself out of this fast, but I can't. I have to get over this one on my own. I have to learn to live with this.
Sorry for the self indulgent moan. I normally post on another forum but I am sure someone I know has been reading my posts there so don't feel safe there just now.
Happyone
x
Sorry things are difficult for you at the moment. I know what you mean about it all happening quickly. Same thing happened to me a few weeks ago. Once I've 'gone' its hard to get out of it. My medication has been increased and I think thats helped.
Maybe you should consider going to your doctor and going back on the meds, to get you back on track again. I know they help me. If they work I'm quite happy to take them!
I'm off work at the moment and the thought of going back scares me to death! I love my job and am really keen to get back so it's a bit confusing! I just think its my brains way of telling me I'm not quite ready yet. I will be, but just not yet.
Just keep in mind, that you will get through this. You WILL!
Give yourself some time and be kind to yourself.
Take care
Thinking of you :hugs:
Mabel xxxx
succumbed to diazepam. got babysitters. Going to bed.
Thanks mabel
happyone
x
Hi Happyone, I know how you feel, especially being ill. Im looking for things wrong with me, convinced there has to be something wrong. Hope you feel a bit better later, and able to think clearer
Hi Happyone.... hugs. I hope the black cloud has lifted a little on Saturday. xxx
I am actually feeling a bit better than when I wrote that this morning.
I am given diazeapm for a reason! I keep on and keep on putting it off as I am so scared of benzo's. I don't like taking them if I am going out anywhere either.
Today, my mum was going to watch the kids whilst I went to an art group, but instead I came home, took a diazepam and to my bed for an hour. I didn't sleep but I relaxed. Not been able to do that for ages it seems. What a difference it has made!
On getting out of my bed, I was able to deal with the work situation and the legality of what is happening. I have been unable to face it due to extreme anxiety and wanting to be sick every time I thought about it. I found out my employers are not behaving appropriately and yes, they could dismiss me but I would have a very good case to take them to a tribunal.
I am still not up for a fight with them, but if I have to do it and take diazepam to get me through it, then I will!
Can't believe the difference taking a diazepam has made. I was so unbelievably low and getting so scared. However, I think my low has been largely due to my overwhelming anxiety and this cloud of doom (called work!) hanging over me. I now feel anxious but not nearly so low.
Fair enough, I am feeling anx again now that it has worn off, but at least I have achieved something.
I still won't take them regularly, but I will take them to get me through rough patches.
Happyone
xx
Around and about if you need me. :hugs:
Love Piglet :flowers:
Thanks Piglet :hugs:
Happyone
xx
honeybee3939
22-11-08, 15:19
Hi Happy
Hope you are feeling better today my friend:hugs:
Andrea
xxxxx
Southern_Belle
22-11-08, 15:26
:bighug1: That is what they are for HappyOne and knowing you they will not be abused. Glad you got that taken care of. I'm around too.
Laura xxx
Diane O'Brien
22-11-08, 16:00
Thinking of ya so much I know the feeling oh no here it comes again. You spotted the signs so well done. Hope y feel better soon.
Thank you all so much,
today has been a better day but I did take diazepam. I actually took it because I was going out. I was too anxious to stay at home but too anxious to go to shops and we needed food. I wasn't all spaced out as I was worried I would be. Just yawned quite a bit.
Laura, you are right, I won't abuse them. I only have 18 of them in the house. I do have to realise though that extreme anxiety/stress for me can trigger a scary downturn in mood. I don't want to go there.
Happyone
xx
I do have to realise though that extreme anxiety/stress for me can trigger a scary downturn in mood. Happyone
xx
This I can soooo relate to hun. :hugs:
My biggest problem now seems to be stress management.:shades:
Love Piglet :flowers:
Piglet,
Stress management. Yeah, I am with you on this one hunny.:hugs: I am really struggling with stress management. Avoidance is not supposed to be good for anxiety management, yet psych tells me I should avoid all unecessary stress.:wacko:
I went to see my psychologist a few days ago. He gave me an information leaflet about anxiety and it's mangement. There was not one thing in that book I didn't know. I know I am not going to die, I know what is happening physiologically in my body when I am panicking, I know that avoidance is not good, I know that intrusive/bleak thoughts are part and parcel of anxiety, I know the management techniques such as questioning myself and my thoughts, I know to breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth etc etc etc
But it is still so bloody hard. I hate the feelings even though I know what they are. I cannot bear the knot in my stomach, the leaden feeling in my chest, the feeling of impending doom, the dry mouth, the pins and needles and so on and so on. I do my exercises to rid myself of them but they don't go away completely. I just can't bear the feelings.
On this leaflet it points out that you should not be put off by a setback and I really and truelly am trying not to be. I want to get back to being positive but I think because my present stress is just too big for me to handle, it is too long lasting, too far reaching. I can't do the 'what is the worst thing that could happen?' because the worst thing that could happen is just too bloody scary.
I don't know if I have even said what it is about. I will try to write it short.
I have been deemed unfit for my present work role. I agree with this. There was too much stress. It has been recommended that I be redeployed to a less stressful role. I am still signed off sick. I am much more well than I was but high anxiety is still a major prob but an occupational health doctor who has seen me for all of ten minutes in Septemebr, told my employers I would be fit for interviews in early November.:ohmy: My psych has not been contacted for advice at all.
I had meeting with employers, was advised by them I shouldn't need representation (however, it became clear during this meeting that I should have had) and was informed by them that I have to apply for other posts and attend interviews. If I am unsuccesful in 3 months they will dismiss me:ohmy: I told them I am not fit for either interview or starting a new post yet but because the occ health doc says I am, then tough...I have to make myself able.
However, a lawyer has advised me they are behaving badly. Whilst this helps to a degree, it still leaves me with four scenarios that feel impossible for me at the moment.
One, I apply and attend interviews even though I know i cannot manage this. At the meeting I had with employers, I tried to rush out the room, tripped on a chair and burst out crying. That would go down well at an interview eh?
Two, I let them do their worst and fire me and then take them to a tribunal. I have no courage for this scenario. That in itself is stress inducing.
Three, I let a lawyer contact them before it gets to this stage and they can battle out what is appropriate and not. To me, this still involves fighting and I don't feel fit for a fight, even though I try to convince myself I am.
Four, I give up completely and receive no benefits because I have left of my own free will.
A few days ago, I was called by my manager with vacancies, even though a letter had said that I had a month before I needed to consider this. In a moment of extreme anxiety, I told her that as far as I was concerned "f**k it" she asked me to repeat it so I told her again "f**k it. I don't care if I am paid off"
NOT the wisest move I have ever made eh?
I have ended up in hospital twice when I was supposed to be returning to work. Work wasn't the only issue but the fear of return was a major factor in sending me to the local mental health hospital.
I am genuinely scared of heading that way again.
Happyone
xx
Piglet,
There was not one thing in that book I didn't know. I know I am not going to die, I know what is happening physiologically in my body when I am panicking, I know that avoidance is not good, I know that intrusive/bleak thoughts are part and parcel of anxiety, I know the management techniques such as questioning myself and my thoughts, I know to breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth etc etc etc
But it is still so bloody hard. I hate the feelings even though I know what they are. I cannot bear the knot in my stomach, the leaden feeling in my chest, the feeling of impending doom, the dry mouth, the pins and needles and so on and so on. I do my exercises to rid myself of them but they don't go away completely. I just can't bear the feelings.
Yep this is just what I think too. Like you I know all the theory but when all the horrible smptoms come that goes straight out the window doesn't it.
know if I have even said what it is about. I will try to write it short.
I had thought it was about work but wasn't completely sure.
Mate I wish I knew how to advise you about the work thing but I honestly don't know what's the best direction to take. What do your family think??
Love Piglet xxx
Yep this is just what I think too. Like you I know all the theory but when all the horrible smptoms come that goes straight out the window doesn't it.
It does hun, it does.
What do your family think?? Hubby is all for getting a lawyer, fighting with them, starting now. He says I have to go for other jobs, no matter how hard I find it, then if I lose my job after all that, we will sue them! That's helpful! He doesn't mean to be unsympathetic but he has no idea how bad all this is making me feel. Even if I try to tell him, he says "You'll be fine"
Mum says "don't worry about it" Excuse me whilst I laugh!
I am going to see my shrink in just over a week. I am going to ask what he thinks. His advice is the best to go by cos at least then, I am following medical advice. I am going to ask him what he thinks about medical retirement so that I could leave my job, get benefits hopefully and spend a year or maybe even two, getting myself back to full health. However, even if he agrees, my work may not. It is really about setting myself up with ammunition for a tribunal. Oooooh, the anxiety bubble rises again!
I think I will have to see a lawyer too.
I just want a quiet life.
Happyone
xx
Hi Happyone
Sorry you are having a rough time mate :hugs:
I sympathise with the situation you are in with your employers and there are no easy answers when you are not well and not up to fighting them.
My situation was slightly different but a few years ago when I developed RSI I faced a similar dilemma to you. I was working as a medical secretary/typist at the time and after numerous treatments my RSI had been diagnosed as being chronic and unlikely ever to improve and therefore I couldn't continue in the job I was in at the time.
I was signed off sick by my doctor at the time and, like you, my employers gave me a 3 month period in which to 'apply' and 'attend interviews' for alterntive jobs. I had depression and social anxiety back then too and the prospect of fighting them or applying for jobs filled me with dread.
I also sought legal advice as I had a mortgage and couldn't afford to walk away from my job. I was advised that my employers were not acting strictly within the law and I might have grounds for an unlawful dismissal case on the grounds of disability if they dismissed me - as I'd had an assessment by someone attached to the job centre's disability section at the time and been advised that my employers could make adjustments to my job and give me speech recognition software etc but weren't willing to do so.
I did continue to look for jobs within the organisation but most were on lower grades and therefore less money than I'd been on or were part time, so none were appriopriate. I stood my ground for the 3 months and in the end my employers made me redundant in order to avoid an unlawful dismissal case. I realise I was still out of a job, but it meant I could claim disability benefits and I had the minimum redundancy package.
Don't know if any of this is helpful but keep your options open Happyone and I hope it works out. As you say, just walking away now would mean you wouldn't be able to claim benefits immediately. If you stand your ground whatever happens you would be entitled to claim.
Thinking of you :hugs:
Karen xx
I am going to see my shrink in just over a week. I am going to ask what he thinks. His advice is the best to go by cos at least then, I am following medical advice.
Happyone
xx
I think this is a good plan Baldrick. :hugs:
I know my rough patch earlier this year was brought on by far too many things happening, none of which I had any control over - life!!!
I do think though wherever you can lessen stressors then we should and I don't think that is avoidance (sometimes a fine line mind you) I think it just makes good sense and maybe if we had done that in the first place we might not have arrived where we have.
If you've listed all the pros and cons of a situation and are unable to do more for the moment try and see if you can practice the old 'staying in the present moment' stuff - it's helped me no end with anticpatory anxiety the last few months. I don't say I find it easy but alot of the time I can do it now, so it comes with practice.
Again that's not avoidance or distraction it's just realising your actions of the moment can't at this stage influence the problem you are fretting over. The problem will still be there whether you worry over it, or you don't worry over it.
Love Piglet :flowers:
freakedout
23-11-08, 01:46
Happyone,
I am so sorry to read about all this work-related stress and having recently retired on ill health grounds I can relate to some of what you are experiencing.
I don't know whether you have a union, but if so I would strongly recommend that you contact them for support and advice.
All of your options are stress provoking and I am astounded that your OH physician has not sought up to date info from your Psychiatrist, because surely he should base his decisions on the specialist opinion of those involved with your care.
I am reluctant to write too much here but I would happily give you more details of my own experience by PM if you like. There is such a fine line between coping and going down the slippery slope of depression, please contact me if I can be any help to you.
Best wishes, thinking of you at this horrible stressful time.
Freaky
Thanks everyone,
today has just brought the same old feelings. I am feeling claustraphobic in the house and need to escape somewhere.
It is a weird thing this anxiety. Sometimes when feeling bad, I feel positively terrified at going out. Then at others I feel terrified of staying in!:wacko:
Karen your situation re work doesn't actually sound much different to mine. I am sorry you had this experience. I am expected to apply for jobs that I am way too qualified for, with half my pay AND be grateful for it!
Piglet
I know my rough patch earlier this year was brought on by far too many things happening, none of which I had any control over - life!!! I think it is the lack of control that has caught me.
If you've listed all the pros and cons of a situation and are unable to do more for the moment try and see if you can practice the old 'staying in the present moment' stuff - it's helped me no end with anticpatory anxiety the last few months. I don't say I find it easy but alot of the time I can do it now, so it comes with practice. I am trying hunny, honest I am! It is just that I will be doing whatever I am doing and without realising it, without consciously thinking about the situation, I feel the panic starting to set in. This morning I was sweeping the floor and it came out of nowhere.
I think panic morphs! I have said this I think in another post. You think you have it, you think you are in control and then it sneaks up on you and bites your backside! This morning, I didn't start to panic about my work situation, I panicked about being in the house, panicking thinking I am trapped. However, that is not what I was really panicking about, it is just what my brain chose to find an outlet for the fear:wacko: Does that make any sense? It is like when you are angry about something but that is not what you are really angry about but it is how it found an outlet. I go on a bit I know!
Freaky, yes, if you are willing to share your experience via pm, that would be good. Thank you.
So, to get away from this horrible claustraphobic feeling I am now expereincing, I am going to have to go spend money cos that will make me feel better:blush:
happyone
xx
It is just that I will be doing whatever I am doing and without realising it, without consciously thinking about the situation, I feel the panic starting to set in. This morning I was sweeping the floor and it came out of nowhere.
That's just how it happens with me too! :hugs:
I think panic morphs! I have said this I think in another post. You think you have it, you think you are in control and then it sneaks up on you and bites your backside! This morning, I didn't start to panic about my work situation, I panicked about being in the house, panicking thinking I am trapped. However, that is not what I was really panicking about, it is just what my brain chose to find an outlet for the fear:wacko: Does that make any sense? It is like when you are angry about something but that is not what you are really angry about but it is how it found an outlet. I go on a bit I know!
Again that makes perfect sense to me too because that is my experience - you put that really well!!
I am going to have to go spend money cos that will make me feel better:blush:
And again this is me!!!
Love Piglet :flowers:
Hi Happyone, having worked in HR I can relate to what you're going through here as I've always been on the other side.
You do have another choice, you can resign and claim constructive dismissal. This should be done in conjunction with the lawyer. Also, you shouldn't meet your employers without some backup - either the lawyer, a union rep, employees rep etc. This will keep you from saying something rash as you did before and you regretted it.
Good idea to consult psychiatrist. He will provide you with whatever documentary evidence you need. He will also advise on the sense or not of getting a lawyer involved. Sounds as if your employers are playing dirty so you may need this representation. However, you have to bear in mind that if any case were to go against you, you could be liable for any legal costs, unless you're entitled to legal aid.
Do keep in touch :hugs:
well,
this anxiety business is an expensive affair! I went out today and bought a laptop! £360.....but no diazepam!
I was buying one anyway, honest!:winks:
Thanks Jo, I am definately going to arm myself with legal and medical advice
Happyone
xx
Hi Happy, :hugs:
The whole work situation sounds exactly like what happened to me. They offered me other posts but none were suitable or even in my department, so then they sacked me on grounds of capability.:ohmy: The whole thing was an absolute nightmare, if I had been more well I had every reason to fight them but I wasn't.
It caused me so much stress and made me so much worse at the time. But in a way, once it was over with I felt a lot better. I still have to face the prospect that I'll find it very difficult to find a job in future which isn't great, but coming to terms with the fact that I am ill and it's changed my life helps.
I know you are adamant that you don't want to stop working, but for me, accepting that I'm not well enough to work took a huge weight off my shoulders.
I think it's the whole anticipation that's stressing you out, even if you were well this situation would be stressful. Once it gets sorted out, whatever happens, you will feel a lot better.
Hugs,
Jim :hugs:
Hi Jimbo! How nice to hear from you:hugs:
Jim, I know I have always been adamant that I do not want to give up work but that has changed. I realise that my health has suffered over the past two years and it has left me with residual mental health problems....well........, hardly residual:blush: but more my confidence. I would actually be happy to give it up and spend a year or so rebuilding my confidence and getting my anxiety under control. However, I have to go through this nonsense first. I would not get benefits if I gave up of my own accord and I cannot afford to give up if I receive nothing. I have no strength to fight them but I have a really good cpn who is helping me a lot. She has me an appointment with a disability/employment adviser and she is going to come withme. Apparently, if there is any fighting to be done, she will do it for me. I am still going to contact a lawyer too.
Happyone
xx
Under~The~Stars
23-11-08, 19:02
Hey hun :hugs:
Well, it's a long time since I posted on here!
Just want to send you loads of :hugs: It certainly sounds like you're mood at the moment has a lot to with the work situation, and as you know, I understand this completely, as I am in the same sort of boat myself :wacko: When things become more stable, and when you know what's happening, you'll see a difference. In the meantime, though, keep talking... You have loads of people who care about you :hugs:
My biggest problem now seems to be stress management.:shades:
Piglet,
Stress management. Yeah, I am with you on this one hunny.:hugs: I am really struggling with stress management.
Me too! :grouphug:
This morning, I didn't start to panic about my work situation, I panicked about being in the house, panicking thinking I am trapped. However, that is not what I was really panicking about, it is just what my brain chose to find an outlet for the fear:wacko: Does that make any sense? It is like when you are angry about something but that is not what you are really angry about but it is how it found an outlet.
Absolutely! I can totally relate to this. If you are anxious, or angry, or upset (or any other emotion you may be feeling!) regarding something in particular, or just in general, then it does affect everything else :hugs:
well,
this anxiety business is an expensive affair! I went out today and bought a laptop! £360.....but no diazepam!
I was buying one anyway, honest!:winks:
:roflmao:
Hi Jimbo! How nice to hear from you:hugs:
Yeah! Great to hear from you Jim! :grouphug:
Take care hunny,
Lou x x
Hiya All
Just wanted to offer you some hugs and tlc happyone, I am in a similar situation at the moment with work and I work for one of the biggest mental health trusts in the country, life is hard enough with kids, marriage, house, job etc without these bloomin people in work making things 100% worse, no wonder you are stressed and having panic attacks all the time, it seems to me that all this mental health empathy from employers is a load of baloney, hope things work out for you hunney you are not alone, feel free to pm me anytime I am currently off work at the mo, second period of extended sickness in less than 12 months went back to work after first bout of sickness been back for five months - no days off sick then my mum got ill and everything came back, it bloomin stinks this anxiety palaver
Soooo glad for this website its a life saver and I have met so many lovely people on here.
Heather
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
Thanks folks,
Heather, I am sorry you are in a similar situation. Work is such a big part of life. When work is affected it tremors through everything.
I really wish money was no object then I would stick two fingers up at them, blow a raspberry and say for them to stick the job where the sun don't shine:shades:
For the moment, I tried to phone an employment lawyer today.....had to put the phone down cos I was crying! That was before I had even given so much as my name! I am gonna do really well with fighting them eh? Big bloody wuss that I am!
I am hoping that once I see shrink, I will feel a bit stronger. If he gives me his backing I will feel a lot more content. He always has up until now but I am not sure about this situation as I think he feels I will be happier in work. just have to wait and see.
Happyone
xx
For the moment, I tried to phone an employment lawyer today.....had to put the phone down cos I was crying! That was before I had even given so much as my name! I am gonna do really well with fighting them eh? Big bloody wuss that I am.
I'd be like that I know I would! :hugs:
I am hoping that once I see shrink, I will feel a bit stronger. If he gives me his backing I will feel a lot more content. He always has up until now but I am not sure about this situation as I think he feels I will be happier in work. just have to wait and see.
Happyone
xx
Let us know how this goes!
Love Piglet :flowers:
Well, today was a barrel of laughs...not! I spent the morning avoiding the house so that I would not be in if my manager phoned and then in the afternoon, took the phone off the hook so she could not get through!
Took two diazepam and other meds that I have to calm me down. Turning into a walking chemical cosh.
However, once again, the meds gave me the strength to do something about the situation. I am not going to be made phobic about staying at home or answering the phone. I called my union and got some advice from them and was assigned a shop steward who will attend future meetings with me.
This is not the way I wanted to do things, I am used to dealing with everything on my own. I have realised though that at present I need assistance in dealing with this situation.
Happyone
xx
I called my union and got some advice from them and was assigned a shop steward who will attend future meetings with me.
I'm so glad you did this - well done for being so proactive hun. :hugs:
This is not the way I wanted to do things, I am used to dealing with everything on my own. I have realised though that at present I need assistance in dealing with this situation.Happyone
xx
Tut tut ..... haven't you and I decided that 'no man is an island' and all that!!! While I feel it's good thing to be able to stand on our own two feet some of the time, it's doing that all the time that brought me to wobbledom!!! Mind you well done for recognizing that this is one of the times not to DIY!!!
Love Piglet :flowers:
freakedout
25-11-08, 17:47
Happyone,
I am so glad you have discussed this with the union sometimes it does help. Like you I wasn't keen on involving them with my scenario but I really am glad I did as their support and advice was beyond my knowledge and experience.
I am worried that you feel the need to avoid your own home, that must be awful. I do sympathise. Like you said earlier work, whether you are working or not can have huge knock on effects on everything. Is your employer likely to phone you? I would write and ask them not to phone you but to communicate in writing as you have anxieties about answering the phone. One day, you will look back on all this and breath a huge sigh of relief look forward to this day, keep going happyone, the nightmare will end.
Take care,
Freaky
I am used to dealing with everything on my own.
Tut tut ..... haven't you and I decided that 'no man is an island' and all that!!!:blush: Mmmmm, methinks you are right!
Freaky, I told my manager it was ok to phone me.......but now I don't want to talk to her.:scared15:
Happyone
xx
Under~The~Stars
26-11-08, 21:00
Hey hun,
Just thought I'd send you some :hugs:
I called my union and got some advice from them and was assigned a shop steward who will attend future meetings with me
Good move, proud of you :hugs:
How are you doing today? What do you have in terms of appointments tomorrow?
Lou x x
Hi Hunny,
got psychology appt but you know how I feel about that! Nothing new to tell you hun. The anx is just really getting to me. It has not been as high as this for such a long time. I am so tempted to hand in my notice at work but I know that is a knee jerk reaction to the stress I am feeling.
Happyone
xx
I know it's not going to solve your problems hun but will a little hug to show I care be okay? :hugs:
Love Piglet
will a little hug to show I care be okay?
most certainly hun.thank you :hugs:
I am sorry I have slipped into negativity just now. I am just finding life really hard just now. Anx and depression are so closely linked with me it is hard to tell where one starts and the other ends.
I saw psychologist today and it really helped short term. He has given me a good idea of how to tackle this particular problem. I don't have the energy for it at the mo but I will maybe tackle it tomorrow. Unfortunately the bleakness returned this evening.
I see shrink on monday. I don't know if that is going to help or not. I hope so cos I seem to be pinning all my hopes on him.
happyone
xx
I am sorry I have slipped into negativity just now.xx
Give over - we all have blips!! :hugs:
I'm pleased the pyschologist helped today and am interested to know what was suggested. When you do have the energy to do it let me know what it was.
Biggest hug.:hugs:
Love Piglet :flowers:
I'm pleased the pyschologist helped today and am interested to know what was suggested. When you do have the energy to do it let me know what it was.
I have to brainstorm and write down all the possible things I think could be an option/ scenario, with regards to my work situation. No matter how sensible, impossible, silly they may be. So for example, I could write
1. go for interviews no matter how bad I feel
2. take a diazeapam to get through
3. Tell them to **** off
4. Ask psych to write a letter saying I am not fit
5 carry on ignoring them
6 Refuse
there are a load more options than this that I will include when I do it. Then I have to take each one, no matter how many I include, and write down pro's/cons of each scenario. Then go through all the pro's/cons I have written and rate them 1-10 of how important that particualr point is, how much it means to me.
The object of the exercise is to get all of these swirling thoughts down onto paper and mentally thrash out all the implications, the feelings, the fears etc etc.
At the moment, I am unable to stop thinking about it. Or when I do try, it is creeping up on me in different forms. Like I said earlier, it morphs into a new form. The anxiety is keeping hold of me because it is still swirling around and around in no particular order. It is wakening me through the night, it is having me avoid my own house and the telephone etc.
Hopefully, once I have thrashed it out on paper, I should be able to put it on the back burner a bit more successfully and it won't (Hopefully....fingers crossed) be with me 24/7.I might even get a clearer idea of what I am actually going to 'do' as opposed to doing the headless chicken imitation.
I am going to start it tonight when little un is in bed.
Happyone
xx
I did the above exercise and it really really helped. It is well worth trying to do if a problem is overwhelming you.
Had psych appt this morning. It went really well. I was honest, told him the whole lot. He has altered my meds a bit.
My anx was obvious and he certainly didn't think I was tryin to pull the wool over his eyes. In fact, I didn't have to ask him to write a letter, he offered.He dictated a letter there and then to say I was still fluctuating in mood, I was unfit for work and unfit for interview. It will be sent to me and I forward it to my work. This may backfire and prompt my work to pay me off but I don't actually care just now.
I don't know why I get so worked up cos he has always been so supportive of me.
Best bit for last....He said there is no problem with me re applying for my license!
Now I just have the disability employment adviser to see. Next chapter follows later!
Happyone
xx
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