mothermac
22-11-08, 04:44
Hi folks,I haven't posted for a while as I have been busy trying to find a job and FINALLY! having some counselling for my anxiety,anyway I have luckily found myself a position with Tesco which I started 2 weeks ago,they are opening a new express store in the centre of town and I am going there,but for the last couple of weeks have been training at a different shop.
I thought my anxiety had subsided a little but unfortunately it reared it's very ugly head in the early hours this morning which is why I am on here at this unholy hour.I woke up suddenly and felt very agitated,scared and jumpy,tried to lie quiet but felt the usual swell of panic so had to get up,I felt very cold,shaky and a bit sick so made myself a cuppa(not great with it's caffiene content I know!!)so I feel a little fed up. I don't know whether it's the fact I did a 2 till 10 shift on only a pot noodle,and a roll or the fact I was stood at the till the whole time but I feel quite lousy.I am worried that my anxiety is going to be bad again and it will have an impact on my new job,they are good enought to take me on and a lot is expected of me and I don't want to let them down.I act as if nothing is wrong and try and put on a false image and laugh and chat with everyone but feel so different inside,I have internal feelings of just being out of my depth and feel on edge constantly whilst serving people,there is so much to remember what with lottery,advantage cards,scratchcards,loyalty vouchers it's a nightmare,compared to others I feel as though I am drowning in a sea of confusion.
I know it's early days but all I am saying is that I feel different from everyone else with this anxiety business and don't want folk to see the real me just yet,I worked at Morrisons last year and the nerves got the better of me and I broke down and they all found out and it was downhill all the way from then on in,this is last chance saloon for me in the world of work and I just can't afford to blow it,we need the money as lets face it that's why we put ourselves through shifts of hell and the benefits at Tesco are fantastic so I would be a fool to throw it all away,I just hope I can put this anxiety crap to bed and stop feeling this way. Thanks for reading anyway and sorry if I bored anybody.xxxx
I thought my anxiety had subsided a little but unfortunately it reared it's very ugly head in the early hours this morning which is why I am on here at this unholy hour.I woke up suddenly and felt very agitated,scared and jumpy,tried to lie quiet but felt the usual swell of panic so had to get up,I felt very cold,shaky and a bit sick so made myself a cuppa(not great with it's caffiene content I know!!)so I feel a little fed up. I don't know whether it's the fact I did a 2 till 10 shift on only a pot noodle,and a roll or the fact I was stood at the till the whole time but I feel quite lousy.I am worried that my anxiety is going to be bad again and it will have an impact on my new job,they are good enought to take me on and a lot is expected of me and I don't want to let them down.I act as if nothing is wrong and try and put on a false image and laugh and chat with everyone but feel so different inside,I have internal feelings of just being out of my depth and feel on edge constantly whilst serving people,there is so much to remember what with lottery,advantage cards,scratchcards,loyalty vouchers it's a nightmare,compared to others I feel as though I am drowning in a sea of confusion.
I know it's early days but all I am saying is that I feel different from everyone else with this anxiety business and don't want folk to see the real me just yet,I worked at Morrisons last year and the nerves got the better of me and I broke down and they all found out and it was downhill all the way from then on in,this is last chance saloon for me in the world of work and I just can't afford to blow it,we need the money as lets face it that's why we put ourselves through shifts of hell and the benefits at Tesco are fantastic so I would be a fool to throw it all away,I just hope I can put this anxiety crap to bed and stop feeling this way. Thanks for reading anyway and sorry if I bored anybody.xxxx