Nikki
17-06-05, 21:57
I can't see the point of living anymore if I get treated like this. i feel like crap. Im fat and ugly and theres no hiding it. For Those who have givien me in the past I didnt want to tell you my age because I thought that if you knew I was twelve you wouldn't count my feelings. ( as most people dont.) Recently I just hate my life I constantly feel terrified, let down, annoyed or just like crying. I allways feel ill inside. Im constantly worrying about my weight and I comfort eat when Im sad, which doesn't help because I then self harm because Im annoyed at myself for eating, which leads me to put on weight and it repeats into a enless cycle! Recently I haven't known what to do. I hate my life and at the moment Im very suicidle. I don't see the point of calling a endless struggle a life.
My friends all have there own problems aswell as my family, but anyway half the time I feel like rubbish and dont socailise anyway. My school work is failing rapidly and then I get my dad down my neck asking why! He doesn't notice he causes most of my problems.
My mums taking lots of notice and sure shes done all she can to help me with my self harm, she brought me a lady shaver ( electronic) so i cant get near razors and they all hide them in my house. But that doesn't stop hitting or biteing and she cant stop my feelings i have inside. My constant pain that wont leave me. I can't put up with my pains anymore. I know this sound weird but when I was younger, I mean like 5 In my dreams I used to have what I named "the blue lady" ( or the blue womens head/face) she used to insult me and put me downm then it got worse and any time i tried to fight back I would get it worse. I tried to block it out but then I got it like a voice in my head, I could picture her in my mind everytime I had done something maybe slightly wrong I would get horrible put downs almost bullying, from a voice in my head! I blocked it out for years and now she back I feel so stupid I feel like Im a baby with an imaganary bully. She gets worse and worse I hit my head and try to get rid of her shes all my worst fears rolled into one i scream, i shout i pleade her to leave me alone- she wont leave she stays she gets worst as i pleade. She sends me into madness and she controlls me like Im a puppet. She takes over my life. I need help - help me please pleas please I feel like im going mad im going to end this soon unless O get the help i need and if it comes from you I will be truley greatful.:(:(:([Sigh...]:([V]:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(
My friends all have there own problems aswell as my family, but anyway half the time I feel like rubbish and dont socailise anyway. My school work is failing rapidly and then I get my dad down my neck asking why! He doesn't notice he causes most of my problems.
My mums taking lots of notice and sure shes done all she can to help me with my self harm, she brought me a lady shaver ( electronic) so i cant get near razors and they all hide them in my house. But that doesn't stop hitting or biteing and she cant stop my feelings i have inside. My constant pain that wont leave me. I can't put up with my pains anymore. I know this sound weird but when I was younger, I mean like 5 In my dreams I used to have what I named "the blue lady" ( or the blue womens head/face) she used to insult me and put me downm then it got worse and any time i tried to fight back I would get it worse. I tried to block it out but then I got it like a voice in my head, I could picture her in my mind everytime I had done something maybe slightly wrong I would get horrible put downs almost bullying, from a voice in my head! I blocked it out for years and now she back I feel so stupid I feel like Im a baby with an imaganary bully. She gets worse and worse I hit my head and try to get rid of her shes all my worst fears rolled into one i scream, i shout i pleade her to leave me alone- she wont leave she stays she gets worst as i pleade. She sends me into madness and she controlls me like Im a puppet. She takes over my life. I need help - help me please pleas please I feel like im going mad im going to end this soon unless O get the help i need and if it comes from you I will be truley greatful.:(:(:([Sigh...]:([V]:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(