View Full Version : HA spiralling out of control
I think I am really losing it and I don't know what to do. I feel terrified all the time and I've started paying for all sorts of medical tests without telling anyone (which, apart from anything else, I can't afford!!).
Last week I lied about my age and name to get a mammogram (you have to be 40 - I am nearly a decade younger). This came back as normal, although they commented that my breast tissue was very dense. In the last year I have also had TWO breast ultrasounds - both came back as normal - but I am STILL really worried I may have breast cancer.
On top of this, I have had an MRI colonoscopy, a gynae ultrasound, an abdominal ultyrasound and a full blood works. Again, all normal. And again, I didn't tell anyone in my family - I lied about where I was and what I was doing etc.
And I spend every day, nearly all day, worrying about having cancer. I KNOW it is illogical, and yet I can't stop. It is starting to ruin my life and the lives of others too, because it is turning me into a really rubbish wife and mother..... although I do try to act normal.:weep: :weep:
tashbarnes87
25-11-08, 10:57
Aww hun, i am sorry to hear things are crappy at the moment i put it down to the time of year. The thing with HA which i have learnt is that it is completely irrational 9 times out of 10 to other people but it doesnt matter to us it is very very real and intense fear. Its always with me ' what if i stop checking my body and im too late'' or with the odds i keep reading im sure to be ill at some point and then send myself in to a sheer panic. Its exahusting and then i dont sleep and its goes round and round and round. One thing i have learnt is that after the baby is born i am going to speak to the doc about medication although i really dont want too i feel that my quality of life living with this fear isnt great and outweighs the side effects of medication. Have you considered this route? i know how much it can suck i am suffering myself at the moment and like you its dominating my life. :( chin up if you want to pm me at anytime feel free
xx
Aw jojo, I really feel for you, health anxiety is the pitts!
Im just guessing from your post that your family dont know how your suffering? I know its hard to try and get someone to understand how your feeling if theyve not experienced the same thing themselves, but you need to try though for your own sake. You will make yourself ill worring like this alone. I used to try and hide how i was feeling from my husband, but there comes a time when you have to...and it does help, honestly. It eases the load a little knowing you can share how your feeling...and we're always here on nmp to try to help you too. Take care hun, and i wish you well soon.
xx
Hello. I'm new here but felt I had to post because I understand exactly what you mean. I have been diagnosed with GAD and worry mainly about health (mine and my familys). It seems that I can't remember a Christmas during recent years that hasn't been ruined by my constant worrying - thinking that this would be my last Christmas with my family etc. It breaks my heart because I have a five year old daughter and I can't remember a Christmas when I've been able to relax and enjoy her happiness. I dread Christmas now - because I know I'll be miserable and anxious.
Over the past couple of years I have had an MRI, abdominal ultrasounds (2), stool tests, urine tests, blood tests, that thing where they put a camera down your throat to look at your stomach etc etc, etc. On top of that I've put myself through the most embarrasing gp examinations - just for reassurance.
Just now I am waiting for a cardiology appointment because I am having continuous irregular heartbeats - which of course, is absolutely terrifying me.
So - you are not alone. I'm glad I've found this place. Take care.
Ellie.
Thank you for your replies - it helps so much to know I am not alone. With me, my HA came on rather suddenly after the birth of my second child about a year ago. I hoped it would gradually fade, but I think I am actually on a worsening trend. There seems to be an OCD element to it: the obsessive thoughts and repetitive checking.... it is so all consuming. Everyday i am worrying about some symptom or other. Today it is lumpy breasts and a 'full' sensation in one ear. Yesterday it was funny lumps at the back of my tongue. The day before that it was a weird throat tickle. It is just so EXHAUSTING. To sensible people all this sounds rediculous, but my fear is real. I wish I could just switch it off. But I can't. :-((((
hi its anx mum u getting my pm messages?
...my anxiety is so much worse after having my children. Like you, I wish I could just switch these awful feelings off and be 'normal' for a change. :weep:
Rootytooty
28-11-08, 06:44
Hi Jojo,
Hope you are feeling a bit better.
I have been thinking about getting a gynae ultrasound done privately, as my gp has referred me to gynae, and I am still waiting for the appointment. as you can imagaine, the waiting is causing me great anxiety (two weeks later, I still don't have an appointment).
The trouble is, I don't know how to go about it. Do I b=need to get my Dr to refer me to a private practice? Or can I just approach a private hospital?
Thanks for any advice you can give me
I think I am really losing it and I don't know what to do. I feel terrified all the time and I've started paying for all sorts of medical tests without telling anyone (which, apart from anything else, I can't afford!!).
Last week I lied about my age and name to get a mammogram (you have to be 40 - I am nearly a decade younger). This came back as normal, although they commented that my breast tissue was very dense. In the last year I have also had TWO breast ultrasounds - both came back as normal - but I am STILL really worried I may have breast cancer.
On top of this, I have had an MRI colonoscopy, a gynae ultrasound, an abdominal ultyrasound and a full blood works. Again, all normal. And again, I didn't tell anyone in my family - I lied about where I was and what I was doing etc.
And I spend every day, nearly all day, worrying about having cancer. I KNOW it is illogical, and yet I can't stop. It is starting to ruin my life and the lives of others too, because it is turning me into a really rubbish wife and mother..... although I do try to act normal.:weep: :weep:
Right, OK so you get cancer what then? I have many friends who have had cancer and are 100% fit now. Why should cancer be a death sentence?
I have three friends who had cancer had it sorted and now by the sounds of it are living a far better life than you are.
One has started dating, one is in uni and having a fantastic time and the other, well she is enjoying life.
Kiley had cancer she is back on stage singing now, Russel Watson has just released a new record.
If you stopped thinking of cancer as a death sentence you might feel a bit better.
Me, well I don't suffer from HA, I love comedy, my pets, I have lots of friends, go places, go to evening classes (art) try and do things in my garden, go on the internet etc etc.
I have a brain tumour called Tina and to be truthful I hardly think about it.
You must stop having all these tests not only is it a waste of money they are pointless as you don't believe the results anyway. Not only that someone who may REALLY need a test may be pushed to the back of the queue.
Come on now you know you can do it.:flowers:
JoJo
I totally understand where you are coming from and my husband thinks I'm a complete loony for being so 'pro-active' about my health. In 5 years I've know him, he has been to the doctors once, I've been about 30 times.........
I worry about cancer too, but to be fair, only when I have something wrong with me, the rest of the time I dont really think about it.
However, when I feel ill I always imagine the worst! I'm going through some things at the moment and have made myself insane worrying about it being something serious and I insisted my gp did a general blood screen which was fine, but I am still worrying!!
I am seeing a private specialist tonight (you have to get referred by your gp) and I know I'm going to ask him to do more bloods to put my mind at rest! However, with the amount of tests that you've had done, I think it is pretty much 100% certain that you do not have a serious illness! Also worrying will only make you feel so much worse and can bring on a whole range of symptoms.
I hope this has helped!
Discogirl
I think Trixie has raised a really relevant point:
You must stop having all these tests not only is it a waste of money they are pointless as you don't believe the results anyway. You must stop having all these tests not only is it a waste of money they are pointless as you don't believe the results anyway.
I've found that by not seeking re-assurance about some ailment or other I've been able to overcome anxiety much quicker than through constantly going to the doctors etc. If I'm worried about something, I allow myself to worry for a while, rationalise, watch itbut don't speak about it...eventually it goes away.
I just want to say thank you so much, everyone, for replying. It really helps. And you are right, Atmolav, Trixie (as usual!!) made a really good point. I don't believe the results anymore. When I first had a medical test (it was a breast ultrasound, I think), it did really reassure me - and in fact it caused a sort of high....... But since then the 'hit' needs to be greater and greater to have an effect........ Last time I went to see my GP I asked her how much a breast MRI would cost..... She laughed, then said 'Oh my god, you're not joking!'. And I wasn't, which says it all!
xx
Hi Jojo - I feel exactly same way as you. I know I am literally worrying myself sick but I can't stop it. I had fine needle aspiration, lumpectomy and CT scan last year on a lump in my neck that the ENT consultant said had about a 10% chance of it being a lymphoma. My other half heard 90% chance its fine whereas I heard it might be a lymphoma! Came back clear and put my mind at rest for few months but now I'm thinking I need another CT scan and an MRI to check for more stuff. Anyway its nice to know I'm not alone. My OH is quite dismissive of my constant health complaints and i can sense him rolling his eyes every time I say I don't feel right!
When did your health anxiety begin? Did you have a trigger?
Hi hm1177,
Yes, I was actually quite normal until the birth of my second child, 13 months ago....... It started as post-natal depression and just sort of ballooned....:-((
What about you?
xx
I can pinpoint the exact day but don't really have an event related to it! I had had a very pleasant weekend then woke up on the monday feeling rubbish and went to docs who couldn't find anything wrong but since I felt so rubbish I guess I started to obsess that the docs had missed my illness.
Sorry to hear of your PND - such a horrible thing.
Hi Jo Jo
I have the opposite to you. If I feel a pain or an itch etc... I avoid it like the plague hoping it will go away and it usually does. I went to the Docs so many times that I think they dismiss everything for HA, My medical notes say " Thinks he is going to die". The only thing I can do now is get a new doctor who looses my Records as when you are marked as HA they treat you differently. Mentally I am always scanning for symptoms and think the worse. I just wont check what I am feeling out as it is the fear that scares the hell out of me. I cannot sleep and I cannot think, I am basically useless and I cant afford to be as I am sharing bringing up a young family.
My dad had his one and only Heart attack at Xmas and so I subconsciously work myself up. I can sense that others get stressed at xmas and so it effects me too. I took a different approach. I could not keep going to the docs so I asked myself ultimately what I was afraid of. Being a burden on my family was one of them and not being there for my Kids, is another, dying is my third. So I decided to try to deal with them thoughts in particular. You know the meaning of life and all that spiritual stuff and believe me it has made a difference. I still flap a lot but now I deal with it myself rather than running for reassurance. If I have a symptom 24hours a day for a week then time for the docs. Most times the symptoms do not persist.
I hope in some way this helps or may strike a chord.
Mee
fairyloveheart
05-01-09, 15:53
Hi there
I am debating now whether to go and pay for an MRI as I had a brain ct scan and have found lots of websites saying that CT scans don't show everything clearly and I should have an MRI so I don't know what to do....
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