Why is Going out so hard

[TonyR]

This is hard for me to say , let alone do .

I Find it so dam hard going outside and doing basic things , i haven't been into town for months and months! Because im so paranoid and my anxiety makes me think im going to be attacked by someone , or someones talking about me behind my back , and that makes my heart race so fast.

I always feel dirty , im never clean enough , i always think someone is going to judge me when im outside.

I takes me hours to build up the strengh to go to my local shop and even then im worried about everyone standing outside the shops.

Ive had some intense screening from a physiocologist , and he said i have a personailty disorder , and servre aniexty.

I just dont know what to do know more =( , my soical worker who came to my flat a few days ago , gave me some more insite to a 2 year threapy course.

But im going to find it so dam! Hard to get there.... its not in walking distance either.

But a little personal information about me , most of this anixity was spurred off from when i was young , my parents split up when i was 13 , and since the age of 15 ive been living on my own in my own place. I also have a daughter whos one year old , and i cant see her because there was domstics with me and my partner a year ago . They basically think im going to hurt my child . Plenty of people know i would never do that , and i know i would never do that . I havent seen her now for 8 months if not more. When my girlfriend came round last weekend , i was trying to get some photos up on her phone , and i saw a video of her on there, and my chest just crumbled , and my heart started racing and i had a breakdown "Panic attack".

I know i just ranted on a bit there , and some of the stuff i just said has nothing remotley to do with me going out , but in one way or another it is affecting me from leaving my safe point!...

I felt ok before i wrote this , now i just feel like a ass again..

[Grayw]

I have the same feelings myself,i have suffered with social and agoraphobia for years and other stuff like ibs and ocd and now bad panics.You're not alone in your feelings,the way society is going i doubt if many feel safe out there,just try to remember people who see you don't know you are feeling the way you do,i'm sure a lot of people will identify with how you feel,youve been positive enough to come here and tell everyone,good luck and keep battling.

[never2late]

since the age of 15 ive been living on my own in my own place.

I was placed on my own at age 17. We call it an "amancipated minor" here in the States. That's the nice way of putting it. The other way of putting it is "thrown out of the house".

One has to be declared an amancipated minor by the court system, then you are treated as an adult . . . even though not yet of adult age. I went to work in the factories, minimum wage, and lived in a rather run-down flat where a few families shared one bathroom.

It was not an easy life, so I know from where you are coming from, young man.

Turn it into your strength.

After all, who can beat you . . . after what you've been through!

Hence, my life turned out to be quite different from those that I left behind.

But I'll always remember it, and carry it around with me.