stokeboy
27-11-08, 12:10
hello everyone
I have had to give up my new job due my anxiety problems.
Im not sure how I even went in the first place, its been so bad that I struggled just doing my shopping in Asda and had nearly fainted in Netto. I couldn't speak to anyone without nearly crying or getting very stressed. I just didn't want to leave the house. The telephone interview and actual interbview where really bad but I managed these just about. (I'm not sure how)
So it was never going to be easy.
I had to do two weeks of training before I could start the job properly. I only managed two days. There where 26 other people plus 3 trainers. I new that I was going to have to do lots of things that terrified me. I was very nervous and scared the week before and was very stressed. On the first morning I really didn't want to go. I was so angry with myself that I forced myself to go even though I was very scared.
When I got there I really forced my self to talk to the people there which was scary, but I managed it. It was when we got into the room where it got really bad. The first thing we had to do was introduce ourselves to the whole group and say something about ourselves. I just about managed to do this without bursting into tears. I manged to get through the morning feeling very nervous and stressed, by the afternoon I was exhausted. It had taken so much energy to get though the morning I was so tired and feeling very emotional. I just sat there thinking don't ask me anything. I couldn't remeber anything that we had learnt anyway because I used all my strength just to stay there.
I couldn't sleep that night even though I was very tired. My head was so bad. I was feeling so sick and had a terrible feeling in my stomach. I couldn't eat anything though the stress and worry of it all. I felt even worse today. I lay in bed thinking how i could get out of it by hanging myself. I forced myself to go again. The day started with a presentation, which sends fears into me straight away. I just didn't want to speak at all let alone to a group. I couldn't eat any lunch I felt to ill. I was white as a ghost and could feel my heart beating fast all day. By the afternoon I just sat there hoping no one would talk to me. If somebody asked me anything I would have had a massive panic attack and ran off. My head was pounding all afternoon. I used up so much energy staying there I had none left. The final straw was that we had to learn a script and say it out in front of everyone the next day. That was my worst nightmare, being under pressure in front of a group.
I was so stressed by the third morning I couldnt stop being sick. I new I couldn't go. I had pushed myself to far from just about going shopping with somebody else to this in one week. The pressure of having a job and earning money but feeling so ill makes it 100 times worse. I feel so angry with myself that I couldn't do it and be like a normal person.
Sorry its so long but just wanted to get it out. Thanks.
I have had to give up my new job due my anxiety problems.
Im not sure how I even went in the first place, its been so bad that I struggled just doing my shopping in Asda and had nearly fainted in Netto. I couldn't speak to anyone without nearly crying or getting very stressed. I just didn't want to leave the house. The telephone interview and actual interbview where really bad but I managed these just about. (I'm not sure how)
So it was never going to be easy.
I had to do two weeks of training before I could start the job properly. I only managed two days. There where 26 other people plus 3 trainers. I new that I was going to have to do lots of things that terrified me. I was very nervous and scared the week before and was very stressed. On the first morning I really didn't want to go. I was so angry with myself that I forced myself to go even though I was very scared.
When I got there I really forced my self to talk to the people there which was scary, but I managed it. It was when we got into the room where it got really bad. The first thing we had to do was introduce ourselves to the whole group and say something about ourselves. I just about managed to do this without bursting into tears. I manged to get through the morning feeling very nervous and stressed, by the afternoon I was exhausted. It had taken so much energy to get though the morning I was so tired and feeling very emotional. I just sat there thinking don't ask me anything. I couldn't remeber anything that we had learnt anyway because I used all my strength just to stay there.
I couldn't sleep that night even though I was very tired. My head was so bad. I was feeling so sick and had a terrible feeling in my stomach. I couldn't eat anything though the stress and worry of it all. I felt even worse today. I lay in bed thinking how i could get out of it by hanging myself. I forced myself to go again. The day started with a presentation, which sends fears into me straight away. I just didn't want to speak at all let alone to a group. I couldn't eat any lunch I felt to ill. I was white as a ghost and could feel my heart beating fast all day. By the afternoon I just sat there hoping no one would talk to me. If somebody asked me anything I would have had a massive panic attack and ran off. My head was pounding all afternoon. I used up so much energy staying there I had none left. The final straw was that we had to learn a script and say it out in front of everyone the next day. That was my worst nightmare, being under pressure in front of a group.
I was so stressed by the third morning I couldnt stop being sick. I new I couldn't go. I had pushed myself to far from just about going shopping with somebody else to this in one week. The pressure of having a job and earning money but feeling so ill makes it 100 times worse. I feel so angry with myself that I couldn't do it and be like a normal person.
Sorry its so long but just wanted to get it out. Thanks.