Garfield
19-06-05, 14:58
A big hello to one and all ;)
No pre-amble ......
So what have I got? I guess Social but maybe General ....
I'm an Avoidance Specialist have been for many years and pretty damn good at it too.
Stress inducers:
Social Situations when I'm not in total control i.e. If I have'nt got an exit strategy or if I can't blame self medication (Demon drink). This is to such a point that for years I've avoided situations where it's a requirement to talk to people such as weddings and other formal events.
Day shift at work where I know I'm gonna have to interact with people unlike night shift which is a breeze with everyone being tired and of course I can use the tired excuse at will.
Busy streets/shops where I might meet folks I know and again need to interact albeit just short period of small talk.
Waking in the morning .... I guess worried about the day ahead.
Sleeping at night ... will I get to sleep?
My anxiety has no pre-set or pre-defined catalysts. I can engage in the things above easily at times and others times when I'm on edge not so well and then again I can feel totally anxiety free and then at some indeterminate moment BOOM I need to use that pre-established get out routine and if I don't have one i can literally fall to pieces ... stammering, agitated, pulse racing, blushing at times ... et al
Doors banging, cars racing, dogs barking can all make me jump. I can last a few weeks sometimes being able to survive [underlying anxiety remains but I function] and then for a week or so I'm consistently anxious and total avoidance is my solution.
This last week I haven't been out the house. My Doc ... and I've seen several don't really take me seriously maybe because on the surface I have this persona that's outwardly calm and in control. I also suffer from fits of depression which is closely tied to anxiety but I can deal with depression but what I can't deal with is visible anxiety. If I could guarantee ever time that nobody would notice my nerves I could function almost 100%.
I take betablockers to kill my twitches (used rarely) and diazepam to help when required (again used rarely maybe 5-15mg a week) and Zimovane to sleep (max 2 x 7.5mg a week). I've tried SSRI's which leave me really anxious (Effexor & Lexapro) and been given some Paxil but decided they would be best placed directly in the bin. I've tried CBT but found it rather pointless as I couldn't visualise the catalytic thought[s] that caused the fight or flight response. I've never been diagnosed i.e. been given a label for my problem.
I'm slowly losing my mind, my health and my life. I'm 37 and over the last 2 years my health has steadily deteriorated. I currently have a throat infection (5 months), both eyes are infected which means anti-biotics for the next 4 months and my chest aches. I excercise when I can push myself and take multivitamins/anti oxidants/5-HTP and eat pretty well although I do have periods where eating can be troublesome but not often.
Anyway can anyone relate to this? What ailment do I have? Low self esteem!
Thanks
A..
PS Mods please move if wrong forum.
Edit: I've just read a post in Social Anxiety which mirrors my exact predicament (almost) so after several years search I'm pretty sure I have a label ... not a solution but a label nonetheless. Thanks NMP you've kept me sane a little longer.
No pre-amble ......
So what have I got? I guess Social but maybe General ....
I'm an Avoidance Specialist have been for many years and pretty damn good at it too.
Stress inducers:
Social Situations when I'm not in total control i.e. If I have'nt got an exit strategy or if I can't blame self medication (Demon drink). This is to such a point that for years I've avoided situations where it's a requirement to talk to people such as weddings and other formal events.
Day shift at work where I know I'm gonna have to interact with people unlike night shift which is a breeze with everyone being tired and of course I can use the tired excuse at will.
Busy streets/shops where I might meet folks I know and again need to interact albeit just short period of small talk.
Waking in the morning .... I guess worried about the day ahead.
Sleeping at night ... will I get to sleep?
My anxiety has no pre-set or pre-defined catalysts. I can engage in the things above easily at times and others times when I'm on edge not so well and then again I can feel totally anxiety free and then at some indeterminate moment BOOM I need to use that pre-established get out routine and if I don't have one i can literally fall to pieces ... stammering, agitated, pulse racing, blushing at times ... et al
Doors banging, cars racing, dogs barking can all make me jump. I can last a few weeks sometimes being able to survive [underlying anxiety remains but I function] and then for a week or so I'm consistently anxious and total avoidance is my solution.
This last week I haven't been out the house. My Doc ... and I've seen several don't really take me seriously maybe because on the surface I have this persona that's outwardly calm and in control. I also suffer from fits of depression which is closely tied to anxiety but I can deal with depression but what I can't deal with is visible anxiety. If I could guarantee ever time that nobody would notice my nerves I could function almost 100%.
I take betablockers to kill my twitches (used rarely) and diazepam to help when required (again used rarely maybe 5-15mg a week) and Zimovane to sleep (max 2 x 7.5mg a week). I've tried SSRI's which leave me really anxious (Effexor & Lexapro) and been given some Paxil but decided they would be best placed directly in the bin. I've tried CBT but found it rather pointless as I couldn't visualise the catalytic thought[s] that caused the fight or flight response. I've never been diagnosed i.e. been given a label for my problem.
I'm slowly losing my mind, my health and my life. I'm 37 and over the last 2 years my health has steadily deteriorated. I currently have a throat infection (5 months), both eyes are infected which means anti-biotics for the next 4 months and my chest aches. I excercise when I can push myself and take multivitamins/anti oxidants/5-HTP and eat pretty well although I do have periods where eating can be troublesome but not often.
Anyway can anyone relate to this? What ailment do I have? Low self esteem!
Thanks
A..
PS Mods please move if wrong forum.
Edit: I've just read a post in Social Anxiety which mirrors my exact predicament (almost) so after several years search I'm pretty sure I have a label ... not a solution but a label nonetheless. Thanks NMP you've kept me sane a little longer.