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Hello for the past 3 months i have been housebound i will only go out in my partners car. I have a fear that if i go out i will pass out or even die. This is concerning me with xmas coming up plus i have 2 young children. Anyone else feel like this?:weep:
Hi. You're definitely not alone,
I can only go out with my mother, apart from that, i too am housebound.
Why does it worry you more that Christmas is coming?
x
Cos the thought of xmas shopping. Not good in shops. How long u been like this?
Hi anx mum, I have just replied to your thread at Symptoms. By the way I have two kids as well, 14 year old twins, and its been very very hard as you can appreciate. I meant to say at the other thread, have you got a shop near where you live or any friends near by. Perhaps if these things are near by you could practice walking to the shop or even a friends and see how you get on with that. Thats what I did. We have a retail park 2 minutes away and I would go and make my self walk round there for 20 minutes everyday. I must say that it did help and when I knew I was ok with that I told my self that I could walk round town etc. Its doing it in stages anx mum. I know totally just how you feel though and its the pits of hell isnt it. I will add here though, that even though its not easy, the more you can get out and about, the better it will be for you. Take Care.
Shirley
Thanx shirley yeah its awful just want my life back. How long were u housebound?
Tinks_loves_pan
28-11-08, 11:05
i have been housebound for over a year and now even my husband car is part of the fear everything i loved to do has slipped away
Tinks..
My husband stopped being a "safe" person for me too.
I was housebound for almost 2 years and even roombound for a period of time. That was bad.
I am agoraphobic and was housebound for over 2yrs. One of my fears is that I will pass out when I am out. I have 6 kids to look after. You can get better, I have gone from being completely house bound and not even being able to get to my garden gate, I couldn't drive for fear of having a panic attack. I am now at the stage where I can go to my local shops by myself although if I go food shopping or venture further away from home I still need somebody with me.
Just take things slowly, if you can only go out the door and back in again then just do that and venture a little further with each journey. I have really worked quite hard at the exposure therapy, just doing what I knew I could achieve and if I am having a good day then I would push myself a little further, this has really helped me regain some sort of life. You soon learn how to retrain your way of thinking, it can be done, just remember, baby steps.
Hugs
Hi anx mum and Tinks _ loves _ pan, When I had panic/anxiety the first time, when I was 19 years old, I was housebound for a year! There was not the awareness about it then that there is now and the Doctors just told me I was being stupid!! Meanwhile I was in a state of panic almost constantly. I couldnt leave the house at all. The 2nd time was 10 years later and I was sent to a Psychologist who got me through it in 6 months by stopping me hyperventilating. I wasnt housebound then and was going to work but I had to keep disappearing to the loo as I was in an anxiety state.
7 or 8 years later it came back and I wasnt housebound then either. I was getting "wise" to it by then and just made myself get out of the house.
Then he we are 15 years later and I have been this way for 2.5 years! Its the longest I have ever had it for. I am not housebound and havent been either. That said, I am still not 100% confident about going out and still feel unreal when I do go out. But it is getting less and I am doing better. You talk about the car Tink. Well, feeling unreal put me off driving too far but I can go about 10 miles now. Just after the breakdown 2. 5 years ago, I wouldnt even get in a car, let alone drive it. So whilst I can go about 10 miles now, I have only managed the 55 mile drive to my parents once in all that 2.5years, and that was about 3 weeks ago. Before I could almost do it blindfolded but even now, I am not sure I would want to do it on my own - hubby and kids were with me last time so he could take over if need be. Not easy. I used to have regular trips to my parents but the anxiety took that from me too.
Shirley
Hi Lilly Lou, I was just reading your post and I have been like you with the driving. Its not good is it. As you can see from my post above, I have had to take it easy with the driving too. Like you, I have worked quite hard on exposure therapy (my friends would tell you the same) and it has helped me get some of my life back I am pleased to say. Yes you can learn how to re train your thinking and it can be done. And I agree with the baby steps too. I now walk round town and go to the town 6 or 7 miles away and walk round there too. Its like you get used to it in stages isnt it.
Hope you have had a nice weekend.
Shirley
x x x
I'm nearly housebound, I only go out with my parents or support worker and not very often. Something I wanted to ask is what does everyone do all day? I'm getting seriously bored! I guess there are things I could do its just finding the motivation.
I used to play an online game for 3 years or more and was totally addicted to it playing all day most of the time, it gave me something to do but I didn't like being addicted to it. I've quit it now, but have just found myself getting more bored and more suicidal as a result. At least in the game I had 1 or more friends to talk to, now theres no one.
Hi Mike, I understand how you feel when it comes to the boredom. Whilst I have not been housebound during the last 2.5 years, for the first 6 or 8 months or so, I would only go for a 10 or 20 minute walk around the retail park which is literally next door. I forced my self to do it so that no-one could tell me I wasnt making any effort. So other than that, I was housebound and I was utterly bored. So how about some DIY or decorating, jigsaws or those "toys" you construct or build your self like Meccano or even those models you build and paint yourself - me and hubby saw one the other day for £15. It was Concorde. Or what about painting or drawing? Or even cooking? Needless to say, I dont know how old you are or anything about you so I am just trying to come up with a few ideas that may be helpful.
What did I do all day when I first had the breakdown, other than what I have told you above? Watch TV. Send e-mails. Housework. Surf the net.
Do you send e-mails? Or how about chat rooms that are linked to your interests?
Maybe your support worker has some ideas. I know how it feels to be so bored though because with anxiety, you need to be occupied as much as possible, otherwise you have got too much time on your hands to think havent you. Do you have an MP3 player? I enjoy listening to music etc and someone else at this site said how good an MP3 player is at taking your mind off yourself.
Hope those ideas were helpful.
Shirley
Hi Shirley
Thanks for the post, some good suggestions there. I just need the motivation, when I'm doing something I'm usually ok. I need to clean my bedroom and put some things up on ebay but I've been putting off cleaning my bedroom for quite a while now. I was using the excuse I was sorting things out to sell on ebay. I had to stand in a long line for the post office today though and was starting to think this isn't worth it, but I got through it, doesn't seem to make it easier though.
I used to do some of those models when I was younger. I think my parents would appreciate me doing housework or cooking, but I doubt I will get into that in a big way!
Yeah I have an mp3 player and looking to get a better one soon, I just don't have many CD's so I'll have to get some. I should really do more reading. Chatrooms could be an idea but I don't seem to relate with many people.
Takecare
Mike
Christmas is an awful time of year for me, theirs so many people and queues.
I only leave the house with my mother shes like a safety, I have no idea why, I still ahve panic attacks when Im with her.
Hi Mike, I am glad I was able to help. I know what you mean with the motivation though - thats a hard one. I actually do Voluntary work now. I go to Martin Mere (Where they filmed Autumn Watch on TV last year) and help on the info desk (Thursdays) and every now and again I help in the local hospital shop too. Martin Mere is 10 miles away and the hospital is just round the corner. I can get motivated for those things but other things, like housework etc, I have no motivation what so-ever. Anyway well done you for standing in a long line at the post office - I know how these things are. It can take some doing, cant it. Also, as Lou says, there are so many people and queues at this time of year. How long have you had anxiety/panic Lou and Mike?
Shirley
Im 23 now, Ive had it since being 16.
I started when I was 19. I was housebound for a year. Then it returned 10 years later and I got over it in 6 months with the help of a Psychologist. Then it came back about 7 years after that and I was "wising up" to it and it went after about 4 months. Then it came back 15 years later and has been with me for about 2.5 years - the longest I have ever had it for!!! I was only housebound when I was 19. I have not been housebound since. I have kept going out and doing things. It has been far from easy at times as you can appreciate. I feel I am getting there now and am about 80% recovered.
Shirley
Anx mum
Let me promise you sincerely that you will not die - please believe me, it's not possible you really really won't. You won't pass out either. However I do know how completely intense the fear can be.
Earlier this year I was very bad - something to do with my new meds and just a very very bad time. I used to feel like my legs were going to give way and I was feeling dizzy dopey blurred vision everything. Actually I have never felt as bad with anxiety.
However, as hard as it was I literally made myself get out and had to take the attitude of whatever happens happens. Now, no way was it easy. It wasn't easy the first day or the second day etc etc. You literally have to walk over hot coals with this illness and it is torture - I don't care what illness people have got - this is the worst when you have to face this sort of fear.
You get out that front door and you look ahead and you walk. You may feel dreadful but do it. Even if you walk a few yards down the road make yourself do it. What would happen if you did collapse? Someone would save you I can assure you, but that will not happen.
If it gets to a point where you really really cannot bear it then you turn around and you go home, but the next day you must do it again. You may not even get as far as you did the previous day - cos you could be feeling more scared for doing it, but GO.
Practise in the evenings going out for a little walk with hubby if you can - that's probably the best way to start.
None of us are afraid of the outside we are only afraid of our symptoms - nothing outside can hurt you. Please please try it.
My own tormenter is shops and public places (I've written a long post about myself today under general anxiety) - no matter how many times I do go out into shops I still get a level of anxiety, I say anxiety but it's not really, it's more of a real low depressed on the floor feeling and I feel like I could cry. I don't have panics or anything just this awful doom feeling where I feel I can't smile and it's awful.
A lot of the time I can handle it - I never ever run away from it - have n ever run out of a shop I just tolerate a terrible feeling at times.
I take diazepam to help me but it doesn't do much. I have to keep doing it though because I cannot let this thing win - I just have to be stronger than it. Sadly, I am not stronger than it because if I were it would have stopped by now. It torments me to death but I will do it until the day I really do get the screaming ab dabs at the checkout in the supermarket.
In this world of amazing technology and medical miracles doctors can do - we are still suffering with this complete demon of an illness. It annoys me so much it really does.
Anx mum get out there even if it's only for five minutes. You can do it - it won't be easy but nothing will happen to you just remember that.
Take care.
Wow thats a lot of on and off agoraphobia, I haven't managed to beat it once yet. It started for me about 15 and I'm now 25. My mum has wanted me to do some voluntary work at the local museum but it was gardening work, my mums into that and knew someone who is a volunteer but I wasn't so keen. I now go to a workshop that gets me out once a week, but theres no one there my age and most people have physical conditions.
It might of been the time of day, lunch time theres usually a lot of people about. I did notice it didn't seem as bad as it has been before, maybe cos I knew I had eaten nothing that day.
Anyway good luck on the last 20%!
Hi Mike, Well it was Agoraphobia the first time when I was 19. Then the other occasions it was largely General Anxiety Disorder as it has been for the last 2.5 years. You have been this way an awful long time too. Go and try www.anxietynommore.co.uk (http://www.anxietynommore.co.uk) I keep leaving that link on this website as its great. It will explain all and tell you how to cope too. He also has a section about DP and explains that - it takes some of the fear out of it.
What are you doing at the workshop? You need people your own age dont you and it would be best if they had anxiety conditions too. You need to know you are not alone with it dont you. Glad to hear that it didnt seem as bad as it had been before. I will try my best with the last 80%.
Shirley
Hi Yvonne, I agree completely. This is the worst illness you can have when you have to cope with this sort of fear. I have been this way 2.5 years now and am, as I said to Mike above, about 80% cured. I have like you, made sure I have got out and about somewhere every day and built this up slowly but surely, starting with 10 minutes walking round the retail park next door and building that up to an hour, then telling myself I could walk round down an hour too, if I can walk round the retail park. The same with the car. I have gone from not driving at all to being able to drive 10 miles and even 55 miles to my parents recently with hubby and kids with me. I am not sure I want to tackle that on my own yet though.
My issues have been:
1) Not wanting to drive far in the car.
2) Not wanting to go far from the car when I do go anywhere.
3) Not wanting to be a passenger in anyone elses car in case I couldnt come home when I wanted to.
4) Not wanting to take the kids out on my own incase I couldnt handle my self.
and last Xmas I wouldnt go to a shop if I couldnt park right outside it and I wouldnt cross the road to a shop either.
But like you Yvonne, I have persisted and persisted and never ran away from anywhere - I dont know how though. But I think I have felt better for trying than I would have done if I had not made that effort. I have not been on any medication and its been a rough 2.5 years with the same fears as anx mum and I have felt the same as you. But if you just take it a step at a time, you get there dont you Yvonne. I think it would be nice if anx mum could get out too, if only for 5 minutes. It would be a start wouldnt it.
Best Wishes
Shirley
Hi shirley been reading some of your posts. Did venture out few days ago my partner proposed to me so went to chose ring found it so hard was dizzy wobbly legs really thought i was gonna die. Its horrible isnt it havent done my xmas shopping yet. How r u? Bev
Hi Bev, Congratulations on your engagement and also going out and facing this fear. It is very hard I know but you did great to do it Bev. I know exactly how you feel. It is horrible. It just makes me wonder if you are hyperventilating Bev, and if so, perhaps it would be worth learning how to slow your breathing down. I was hyperventilating when I had my second episode of anxiety 20 years ago and the Psychologist showed me how to breath properly. 6 months later I was a lot better and a year later I sent the Psychologist a post card from Florida to prove my point!!! Just a thought anyway.
How am I you ask? Well, not too bad. I still get the DP (it seems to be the symptom thats taking the longest to completely go) though I am just at that point where I am not as scared of it as I was. I do most things now. ie, walk round town, my voluntary work at Martin Mere 10 miles away and the hospital shop just around the corner. I take my kids to the doctors and go have a coffee in cafes etc. I go into town with the kids. And am driving a bit more too. But I am still not 100% and I have symptoms as I sit here, or anywhere else come to that.
But what I am holding on to is the fact that once my focus is off how I am feeling or the DP, it GOES!!! Its just getting to that point where my focus is off it and me for as much as possible. I walked round Chester with hubby and kids about 4 weeks ago and I was in a DP state most of the time but it was managable.
So I keep telling myself that none of this can harm me and that I am not going to die etc and that if I just concentrate on what I am doing and dont add a second fear, I will be fine. And I am always fine. Even though I am not 100% yet, nothing bad has happened as a result of the anxiety.
I hope you have a nice weekend.
Shirley
I think its great that you can face it day in day out. When ever I run back home I never want to try so soon after.
Hi Lou, Its not easy facing this and doing things every day although some days seem to come easier, and some come harder, than others. If I am honest though, the fact that I am doing things, no matter how uncomfortable I may be, makes me feel "better" in as much that I know I am not housebound with it and it is giving me some sort of a life. This afternoon I am going out in the car with my daughter to see where it takes us. Driving has been another challenge - its such a nice afternoon, I think the sun and the fresh air will lift me and once I get driving the Dp normally lifts and is managable. Its there now but its managable so I will see how far I can go this afternoon. I will let you know how I get on when I get back later.
Shirley
Hi
I'll have a look at that website, thanks. I just do 3D drawings of bird houses they have made in the woodwork shop in google sketchup. The one I'm doing now is the hardest, its a full size bird stand/house. I said I have basically finished it but theres some problems with it I need to do before next tuesday. The tutor is bringing in plans of his house next week and I'm supposed to do that but I think I won't be able to, I find it easier if I can actually measure it and plans are always complicated and need a degree in architecture to understand!
I'm sure it not, I seem to have good days and bad ones. The odd days I think I can do this, other days I just no not to even attempt to because Im so anxious already. But some days you wait for the good days and they dont come along quite as often as they should. Maybe alot of it is down to me becoming lazy.The good feeling you get when you have acheived something though is amazing, Im sure that unlocking all of this has alot to do with our confidence it encourages us to do more, I suppose. Theres one major benefit from this and that is when we do things we appreciate it so much more.
I hope that you do!:flowers:
Yes Mike, have a look at the website. See what you think. Your 3D drawings sound like they take a lot of work. Good luck with the drawings of the tutors house. I know what you mean about plans being complicated. I would find them difficult too. I hope your weekend is going ok.
Shirley
Hi Lou, I know what you mean. I have had good days and bad days too but I have always tried to keep going, no matter how I felt and one thing my OT said was, "Dont wait till you feel really good" before you do anything. Thats why I went for the drive yesterday. I was still feeling off when we set off but my daughter was talking all the way and that helped and took my mind off me. Good days will come for you more and more Lou, as they have done for me, I am sure. I got the good feeling yesterday after doing my 60 mile round trip in the car!! Yes I appreciated doing that and it felt like my first trip to the USA although I had "only" driven 30 miles to Lytham in the car, and 30 miles back!! Keep going Lou and keep trying. You can get over this - we can get over this.
Shirley
Its great that you can push yourself the way that you do! I know I shouldnt wait for a good day, but I just feel that if I dont have the positivity before I try it may all backfire. I have pushed myself a few times when I dont feel up to it, but that generally is things that I do have to do .i.e the dentist. Unfortunately I had braces put on when I was semi coping with this so now I have to keep going back even though I feel like I cant face it. Im sure your daughter is a great help, I find when people talk to me its very distracting and its something we need not to focus on our own thoughts. I found last time that an Ipod can also be a big help at times. I do hope so, It just seems more difficult the more the time goes on. But I am trying to build my cofidence up a bit, and then hopefully Ill feel strong enough to give it ago again. Its great to read posts like yours it gives me a real boost to be honest to see people taking on their fears and suceeding, its wonderful. You should be very proud of yourself! 60 Miles? I bet you did that is absolutely amazing, look how far youve come!!xx I will keep trying, Im a bit low at the minute thats all, but Ill never give up fighting this, you cant really can you. I really do hope the both of us can! Liz xxx
Hi Lou, I know how you feel when you say that without that positivity before you try, it may all back fire. I understand completely. Thats why it took me so long to do that 60 mile drive - 2.5 years to be exact! But then driving affects other people doesnt it. Otherwise. I have kept pushing myself because when I was 19 and started with panic/anxiety etc, I was 1000 times worse and should have been hospitalised really. Needless to say, I dont want to go back there!! This is what keeps me pushing myself forward. Anyway you are doing well to go to the dentist Lou. I know, these things are not easy when we dont feel up to them, are they. If you keep going to the dentist Lou, it should get easier. I have to go myself 2 weeks today. My daughter is very good but needless to say, she doesnt realise exactly how things have been. She will comfort me if I have been crying etc and tell me its not my fault. But thats about as far as it goes. Yes it was great that she was talking all the way in the car the other day. It took my focus off me. I have got an iPOD so I will have to use it more often. Where do you live Lou? Are you near any shops or a park or something of that sort? If you are near shops, maybe you could just pop round there for 5 minutes and come home? And then build it up that way. I started off that way. Yes, it was 60 miles on Saturday!! 2 years ago at Xmas I never thought I would drive again!! I think I did amazing too. Though I must say I feel a bit low myself this morning. Was going down town but looked out of the window and decided against it. Cold, wet and Grey!! I am meeting a friend at the near by Garden Centre at 1.30pm though so thats my trip out sorted for today. You are right, we can never give up and we will win in the end. I have been here before (had 4 breakdowns) and I have always got over them completely!! It can be done. It is definitely possible. But we must keep trying.
Shirley
Hi, I actually went for a short walk tonight :) because I was feeling a bit more positive about the whole situation. I must admit at first I did struggle because I built it up so much that I was so anxious before I even started, but it did gradually become alot easier. Its gave me slightly more confidence now and Im going to do it again tomorrow even if Im feeling negative. It certainly does, but youve done brilliantly overcoming this and being so strong minded in the process not to give in. I'm sure you don't, but by the sounds of your positivity I dont think you will allow that to happen! Thanks, It is gradually becoming slightly less terrifying everytime I go, but even going in the car to get there at the minute its a nightmare for me. Its strange the car use to be an extended safety for me, but now it seems quite the opposite. I'm sure nobody likes going to the dentist so I suppose Im not the only one in the waiting room that looks uncomfortable lol. Im sure it's lovely to have her there for support, but as much as people wish to help and support us they will never truley understand what we experince day in day out. Ipod's are great for taking my mind away from my own thoughts, I tend to listen to classical music when I try to go out, it really does relax you. I also have a tape that goes into the casette player and attaches to my ipod so I can listen to them all in the car. If that fails I encourage my mum to speak to me as it has the most distracting effect. I live just down a long road from a petrol station/ somerfields so its really busy all day as its on a main road. I do avoid it at the minute, but if these little walks pay of Then Ill definately give it ago. Maybe it would be best trying it nearer closing time. Well you did it and you should be proud of your acheivement, youve come along way!!! It can and your proving that right now!!!
I hope that you have a lovely day out! Liz xxx
Hi Lou, Glad you went for a short walk and that you felt more positive about the situation. I understand your initial struggle - thats how I was on Saturday re the 60 mile round trip! And like you, I felt easier with it as I carried on driving. So well done Lou.:) I hope you have gone on another walk today, even if you were feeling negative. I know how that feels too. This time last year I was nearly back at square one and could barely get out of the car to go to the shop but I made myself do it over and over again. And the more you do it, the better. I know I will never give in to this illness and I suppose I am fairly strong yes. But I have had my moments when I have sat and cried and cried whilst hoping and praying for normality to return. I am so glad that its getting less terrifying for you Lou. For me the car was like a part of me and no probs what so-ever till I had the anxiety attacks in there. Now, like you, I have had to get used to it all over again, hence the post about the 60 mile round trip the other day!! Couldnt believe I did that. I agree with you about the dentist too. My dentist recently told me she had had panic attacks etc and was really supportive. I think that if people could somehow know how we feel day to day, they would be very shocked. I have an iPOD too and listen to music in the car. It helps. By co-incidence I live near a Supermarket and a Petrol Station too and its very busy. Yes, wait till its quieter then have a go in the car. When I first started out driving again I just drove the 1/4 mile to Tescos and back and have built it up from there. I am sure you will be able to do the same. Yes I am proud of my acheivements so far. Its not been easy but I am getting there, slowly but surely. You can do the same, step by step, one day at a time.
Keep me posted on how you get on with your walks etc.
Shirley
Thanks, I have and the fear is not as intense as it was before which is great. I was quite negative today but my sister came with me which is great. I need to get into a routine and not pick and choose what days I do it on, as long as Im fairly close to home even if I panic Im going to see it through. Its probably the best place to face the fear of it. I must admit though it is frustrating doing little bits (baby steps) I know its the way to go but its such a slow progress. But any is better than none at all, isnt it? :)
I'm sure you have, this is not something easy to deal with, Id like to meet someone with something like this that says they never have broken down or had very low points. We all have them but its what makes us stronger, and youve proved that!xxx
Maybe I should try doing what you have done with the car, rather than just going in it on the long journey to the dentist, which my mind recognises as being a catastrophy, maybe I should do baby steps in the car around the block. Train myself back up to not be frightened of that space? I know its easier said then done, but anythings worth a try. Dentist are very uncomfortable, I keep thinking about telling my dentist about my anxiety, it may relieve the tension there as I would feel less trapped in there, if they knew that I may potentially walk out, their may be less of a chance of me actually doing it.< if that makes any sense? They would be extremely shocked, but I belive people are very ignorant to things like this because they dont want to know, as it doesnt affect them. Ive recently being working with someone who writes for magazines on womens health, she wanted to cover a story on anxiety and agoraphobia and after alot of thought I agreed to it (by phone) because I want a little bit more awareness out there. Not that it will accomplish anything but its worth a try, maybe if they see what we have to give up and go through people wouldnt be so closed minded towards it.Well you know how busy they get then!!! I will, I'll definately capitalise on this I cant afford not to Im so frustrated being in the house so much.
Slowly maybe, but look what youve acheived! Well done.
Will do! Have a good day. Liz xxx
Hi LIz, I hope you are ok today. I am busy at minute but will get back to you over the weekend.
Shirley
Thats fine! Have a good weekend!!!
Hi Lou, Glad to hear you got out with your sister and that your fear is less intense. That is great news. Yes a routine would be good without picking and choosing. I know the feeling of needing to be near home Lou. Yes if you panic, try and see it through. Have you done any slow breathing or relaxion/visualisation? This is helpful. I agree entirely, baby steps are very slow and frustrating but its the only way. Its not something we can rush, as I am sure you can appreciate. Yes, any progress is better than none at all. And yes, Lou, we will be all the stronger for this. Yes baby steps in the car would be great too. I have never actually been scared of driving. Its the thought of having anxiety attacks in the car when I am driving that has been really hard to get over. But I have proved that if you start off with a short distance, then a bit further, then further, as and when you feel ready, you will be able to cope that way. I think that it would be helpful if you told the dentist your problems too and I think that you would be less likely to walk out as a result. Yes, alot of people are ignorant about anxiety. Not easy at all. I agree, there needs to be more awareness about this illness and you have done well to talk to the lady at the magazine. I know only too well how you feel about being in the house so much. Yes I have achieved a lot but its taken me 2. 5 years. I hope you are having a good weekend. Oh, I had another breakthrough yesterday! I went on the bus into town!! Its only 2 miles but its something I had not tackled before as without it, I havent got my "den" to hide in if I didnt feel good. Anyway I took the risk yesterday. And it worked! I was pleased with myself about that one too.
You can do these things Lou, all in good time, one step at a time. Really you can.
Take Care
Shirley
picklepish
14-12-08, 00:03
i am sitting here crying.. you are all so .. i can't find words.
I am unable to travel and am expected to travel 130km tomorrow to a medical appt- I am so scared. I am lucky enough to be able to drive around my local area (about a 20km raduis) but some days even that is hard..
I share the pain of missing out on so much and the feeling of letting family - especially our children down. (because mummy can't take you to nanas... it sucks!).. but we will win..
I will post tomorrow and tell you how i go :)
Katie
Hi Katie, I will be thinking of you tomorrow. I know how you feel and have sat there crying my eyes out too, day in day out, missing out on everything, letting the family down and not being able to take the kids out. Yes it does suck. But we WILL win.
I am so glad to hear that you can drive around your local area though Katie. Thats a positive. Its only last weekend that I went away from my local area (a 60 mile round trip) for the first time in 2.5 years!! I took my daughter with me. Had to dare myself to do it but was ok when I got there (Lytham in Lancashire) and drove back with no problems too. Having said that, I am not 100% yet but as my OT said, I should keep on going out, even when I dont feel good and thats what I have been doing.
Yes, Let us know how you get on tomorrow. I will be thinking of you. Feel free to PM me if you want.
Shirley
Hi Katie, Hows things? How did it go yesterday? I was thinking about you and hoping the day was going well for you.
I got on the park and ride bus again yesterday (2nd time in less than a week as I used it Friday too) and was ok. I had been reluctant to use a bus as I would not have my little "den" down town if I didnt take the car with me, would I?!! So Friday was the first time I used the bus since summer last year (apart from once in the springtime). I did it so that I would be well away from both the car and the house. I had to see how I would cope with it. I will try again before the end of the week.
You know I am thinking of you and understand fully what you are going through.
Take Care
Shirley
Tinks_loves_pan
17-04-09, 16:06
its like the world goes by without me i look out of my window into my back garden as the windows on the front are overlooked by others and only the right hand side of my garden is a little safe as nothing or no one backs onto it but i cant get onto the right hand side without the fear of the left hand side being overlooked its like a forbidden world exists that im excluded from
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