Advice please---does this sound like you?

[jellybean43]

Hi
I suffer with HA. Mainly related to being convinced on bad days that i have cancer(lymphoma) . I am currently having CBT which to a degree is working but on a bad day i still have these awful thoughts.
I can still get up and feel for lumps, prod my groin til it hurts the next day when i walk. feel under my arms for lumps and convince myself there is something there and prod my neck til it hurts!!!
On a good day i am ok---I can think rationally---tell myself that 11 months ago i had all the tests and they came back clear.I can now even have whole days where i dont think about my health(bliss!!) but these seem to only come occassionally!!!!
On a bad day i think they have missed something and that i should go back to my doctors and ask for another FBC as it was nearly a year ago.
To sum it up nothing has changed in the last year---I am defo not a panicky as i was but i am still anxious about my health.I am finding the whole thing so blumming tiring. I just wish i could wave a magic wand and it would go away.
Do you think that one day i will be able to think "hey i am ok" and be back to how i was 14 months ago before all this started.
I have always been an anxious person----have wasted the best years of my life(22 onwards and i am now 44) worrying about stuff that has never happened.
Any advice please?? and anyone feel the same??? xxx

[gtrgrl3369]

It sounds like me a year ago. When I had my breakdown no one could convince me that I wasnt dying of something, anything, it didnt matter what it was I had it. I went to the hospital numerous times and had all kinds of tests done to make sure I was ok. I was in such a state of fear that I was sure they had missed something somewhere. They didnt and I am fine. I am 95 percent better and have learned to let the fear go. Instead of thinking "what if", I know think "whats the worst that could happen" and every little pain or twinge I get I know is anxiety now. It took a lot of hard work to really and truly convince myself that I was ok but it worked. I had to let go of the fear and ride it out. It really works when you can get your brain to cooperate. Take care and write me if I can help. :hugs:

[crunchie01]

i am really struggling at the moment with the fear of ovarian cancer its taking over evrything at the moment and im sick of it, id love to feel ok again,i would love to know how to get control of this:blush:

[RosieXXX]

I have suffered from health anxiety for many years. I am better than i was, although i can still have bad patches when i become totally irrational. i think there is a good chance with therapy there can be improvement. one thing i find which helps enormously is making a huge effort not to check or google, because this behaviour definitely feeds the anxiety; checking only provides very short term reassurance before the anxiety kicks in again. there are times when i can't resist the urge to check for a lump here and there, and it usually ends up in disaster, but if i manage to stop myself i do find after a day or two the anxiety subsides. if i need something checked i ask my husband to look, and leave it at that. i wish you all the best with your cbt - this site is also helpful - it does help to know there are other people who suffer in the same way, and can understand.

[jellybean43]

Hi
Awww thanks for the replies. I know that some days i just become totally irrational and other days i am fine!!It is such a pain having HA!!
One of my worries at the moment is night sweats----only mild, neck and chest but no other part. Totally linking that with lymphoma at the moment. I just wish that last year i hadnt googled cos all the things i read still stick in my mind.
My councellor has told me not to keep feeding the anxiety by poking and prodding----trying very hard not to do that!!! xx

[Jan63]

I didn't realise that I had anxiety until recently when the doctor said I was anxious and looking back I can see how much I worry about the silliest of things and how they really stress me out. I have only really properly had HA now for about 2 months when I went to the doctors convinced I had cancer and it turned out to be acid reflux but since then I have had alsorts of aches and pains which I also convince myself must be cancer. Today has been a good day but Friday and Saturday I worried myself silly all day about it and it really gets me down. I've got a doctors appointment for Thursday with a doctor I like so I'm going to ask her for some tablets to help to curb my anxiety because I can't go on like this.:weep:

[Jan63]

Hi
Awww thanks for the replies. I know that some days i just become totally irrational and other days i am fine!!It is such a pain having HA!!
One of my worries at the moment is night sweats----only mild, neck and chest but no other part. Totally linking that with lymphoma at the moment. I just wish that last year i hadnt googled cos all the things i read still stick in my mind.
My councellor has told me not to keep feeding the anxiety by poking and prodding----trying very hard not to do that!!! xx
Oh I have had those horrible sweats for years now and I think it's part of the menopause - I'm 45 now and had a premature menopause at 34 years old and the sweats started then. They happened through the day too though. I have had them on and off for years so I wouldn't worry about them.:hugs:

[jellybean43]

Hi
Thanks for the lovely replies----the reassurance i get on these boards is fantastic.
Jan63 thanks for your advice---if you ever want to PM me please feel free xx

[Vinny]

Hi Jellybean
I can hear myself in so much of your post. I too have wasted many, many years worrying about my health and it has spoilt a great deal of it. I'm still here and have never been seriously ill. Trouble is now I'm getting older (52) I think there is more chance of getting ill.................but I have to remind myself that my Mum is nearly 87 and I quite possibly will live to a grand old age too. When I was younger it was nearly always my heart that I worried about but it's now the dreaded cancer so I can truly understand your fears. My worry is throat/lung cancer (I used to smoke), I've had various tests which have all been fine but I still constantly worry about it and have put a post on here this morning to try and find some reassurance. I went to the Docs last Weds and, like you, asked him if he had a magic wand or something to brain wash my silly mind!!! There is no such remedy unfortunately so we have to muddle on and take comfort from each other. It is reassuring to read other peoples posts and know you're not going completely mad.
Take Care Jellybean xxx

[jellybean43]

Thanks Vinny. Mad isnt it? Wasting our precious lives on this HA!!I have had a very good tip off a kind person on here that i am going to try and put in to practice(you know who you are!) and if it works i will post on here!!! I am finding the whole thing so hard to deal with. Today i am tired(didnt get to bed til 1.30 cos hubby was out and i like to wait up til he gets home cos i worry about him having an accident and stuff:( ) so therefore being tired seems to trigger it more for me!!!
Take care vinny xx

[Jan63]

Hi
Thanks for the lovely replies----the reassurance i get on these boards is fantastic.
Jan63 thanks for your advice---if you ever want to PM me please feel free xx
Thanks Jellybean.:hugs:

[Jan63]

I am just the same as you and worry about accidents on the road. :unsure: When my o/h takes my daughter swimming I make sure he texts me when he gets there and texts me when he's leaving the baths so I know roughly when they should be home again. My 16 year old daughter went to Euro Disney last week with college for four days and I asked her to text me every couple of hours to let me know she was okay - did she - did she heck.:mad: She texted me when they got near Oxford and again before she boarded the ferry and then when they were nearly at Euro disney and then that was the last I heard of her then for 24 hours.:ohmy: She texted me on the Wednesday just to say she was okay. Every car that pullled up outside the house I was worried it was the police telling me there had been an accident.:weep: She's home safe and sound now. She wants to be an air hostess - god knows how high my anxiety is going to be then.:ohmy:

[jellybean43]

Tell me about it Jan!!!I have spent my entire adult life like that and it wasnt until this new GP pointed out that i have GA too that i realised i did have that!!
I worried about both my kids whilst they were at Uni------i used to dread my son telling me(he is the one that goes out the most!!) that he was on a night out cos even though he was miles away i made him texted me to tell me when he was in. Imagine that?? and now, he is 22 and lives with his lovely gf yet if he mentions he is having a night out with his mates i dont sleep worrying that i will get that dreaded knock at the door!!!
Crikey how do other ppl not worry?? My OH just says "what will be will be and nowt we can do to change stuff" ha ha!!!
PM me if you need to chat x x

[jellybean43]

Meant to add that my son went to America working when he was at Uni. I was sooo pleased that he was going---he had 8 weeks over there but the whole time i was on edge. He was 20 ---- a grown man----and i was still worrying about a crash over there!!I had him mail me every day!!There was one period when i didnt hear from him for 3 whole days---well i rang the supervisor over here and made him check that all was ok!!! How embarrassing for my son eh?? I bet you are chuckling reading this!!! Again Hubby was just telling me to chill out!!!!! xx

[Jan63]

No I'm just the same.:blush: My eldest daughter went to Florida with her dad and his family (we're divorced) when she was 13 and I worried myself crazy. :huh: I put the flight information up on the internet and waited for the flight to take off and then someone on another forum I was on told me about an hurricane that was happening there at the moment.:ohmy: I worried myself sick till she came home again. She went again to Florida when she was 15 but for 3 weeks this time and I worried again. She also went to Tenerife with a friend from school and her parents in August and I watched for the flight coming back and all the flights except hers seemed to be landing - I was beside myself with worry until it eventually said it had landed.:ohmy:

[jellybean43]

Ha!!!
I too put the flight info up on the internet when my son was flying. The flight was diverted to Dublin instead of Manchester---I was worried sick!!I never slept at all that night waiting for the flight to land! I am also divorced for my kids dad and i think that has made things worse for me cos for a lot of years they only had me(if that makes sense cos their dad is a total waste of space!!!). My OH has been a great step dad but he just doesnt worry like me!!!
When he was in America some one told me about the "fault" that runs through California(cant remember the name now!!)---well that was it!! I expected the worse and then he went up to Northern California to work for 2 weeks of the 8 and there were fires up there!! I was driving home with OH and i heard it on the radio----that was it!!! I imagined the worst!! Not good been like this cos it has ruined soooooo many years of my life!! I am really trying to not be like this but hey it is hard work xxxx