HA is horrible!!

[abi]

Isn't HA just horrible!?:wall:

I can have a "normal" day one day and then all of a sudden it will hit me like a feeling in the pit of my stomach. I then feel like I am "not allowed" to enjoy myself as this in some way will jinx me and I will then realise I do have something wrong. I have also just read the book by Brenda Hogan(on another thread) that is recommended, and indeed it says in there that this is a common feeling with HA.

At my worst I have even found myself snapping at my children on purpose so that if I were to die they won't miss me as much as if I was a "nice" Mum.....:blush:

Can others relate to this? I am only 32 (I use the name Marjorie as it is my Guinea pig's name!):doh: And I agree with others that I feel I have already wasted too many years worrying! :mad:

[crunchie01]

hi

HA is awful, im scared to believe anyone because i think if i do and something is wrong i will miss it, but the daft thing is the more i worry and put this kind of stress on my body i am more likely to get ill more often.

i have also wasted too many years worrying about things but it just doesnt seem to stop,if its not cancer its hiv, im so fed up of it

[abi]

Hi Jennie..if only there was a switch to turn these feelings off! Like you- I try and ignore things but then worry I will miss something and be told "this would have been curable if found earlier.." We just can't win:lac:
M x

[Jan63]

Isn't HA just horrible!?:wall:

I can have a "normal" day one day and then all of a sudden it will hit me like a feeling in the pit of my stomach. I then feel like I am "not allowed" to enjoy myself as this in some way will jinx me and I will then realise I do have something wrong. I have also just read the book by Brenda Hogan(on another thread) that is recommended, and indeed it says in there that this is a common feeling with HA.

At my worst I have even found myself snapping at my children on purpose so that if I were to die they won't miss me as much as if I was a "nice" Mum.....:blush:

Can others relate to this? I am only 32 (I use the name Marjorie as it is my Guinea pig's name!):doh: And I agree with others that I feel I have already wasted too many years worrying! :mad:
Omg that is exactly what I find myself doing sometimes.:ohmy: I'm that scared that something might happen that I find myself trying to distance myself from my seven year old daughter - it's awful isn't it.:weep: I didn't realise anybody else did this too.:unsure:

We have guinea pigs too - eight of them.:roflmao:

[abi]

Hi Jan,

In a funny kind of way it is nice you feel the same...(but obviously it's NOT nice).

Isn't it awful we can potentially be wasting valuble time with our lovely children as a kind of protection for them.

Perhaps it is the guinae pig keeping that warps our minds!?! :whistles:

[crunchie01]

hi

if you ever want to chat then just pm me anytime

ive got this ovarian cancer worry going on at moment plus my chest feels a bit tight but i know this is just anxiety making it feel tight and a bit dry it feels like a hoarse cough but i havent got a cough but i seem to have a habit cough for some reason,i wish it would just switch off

i keep snapping at kids too and its not fair because i keep thinking im snapping at them and then when something happens to me they will think i was a horrible mum anyway, and all they will remember is me shouting at them, this HA is driving me nuts

[PhoenixGrey]

What's this book? I forget about everything and think 'it will probably never happen' and then i feel like im asking for it to happen by thinking that, then i obsess about it maybe happening and i think well if its gonna happen then i dont want to worry about it happening, and so the cycle repeats itself!

It's so horrible, I want to stop worrying then I feel guilty and weird for not worrying. I'm even quite convinced that at this moment im completely healthy - well obviously not mentally, but physically, yes! But I can't get the future out of my head!!!!

I'm sorry but at the same time glad that other people are experiencing the same cycle. :(

[Jan63]

Hi Jan,

In a funny kind of way it is nice you feel the same...(but obviously it's NOT nice).

Isn't it awful we can potentially be wasting valuble time with our lovely children as a kind of protection for them.

Perhaps it is the guinae pig keeping that warps our minds!?! :whistles:
Yes I honestly felt it was only me that did this. I don't know why I am like this because I wasn't like this when the other two were young and I had a few health scares then but seemed to get over them pretty quickly.:shrug:

Yes we can blame the guinea pigs.:roflmao:

I know what you mean though - it is nice to find that someone else thinks that way too isn't it.:hugs:

[abi]

Hi-the book is called An introduction to coping with health anxiety and it is available through Amazon.

Thanks to all for your replies.....we are not alone in our thoughts/fears!
:hugs:

[Jan63]

Hi Jennie..if only there was a switch to turn these feelings off! Like you- I try and ignore things but then worry I will miss something and be told "this would have been curable if found earlier.." We just can't win:lac:
M x
That's exactly how I feel. How are we meant to know the real symptoms from the anxiety symptoms.:shrug:

[Rootytooty]

Hello

I could have written that post myself. You are not alone.

I worry about being ill, and if I don't worry for a bit, when I realise I haven't worried, I get in a panic, as if I will be "punished" for daring not to worry.

I keep giving to charities (more than I normally would), because if I do something mean, I will be punished, and I will deserve to have cancer.

I too, have contemplated making my kids dislike me so that they wont be upset wen I die. I resist that one, because I'd like to think, that if I do have to leave them, at least leave them with some good memories.
I have even thought that I should never have had children, as I cant bear the thought that they will have to watch me die from cancer, and if I had no kids, I would be able to die in peace. But my kids are fantastic (two girls 13 & 12), and I know I have been truly blessed.

I have a gynae appointment on Thursday, and I am really freaking out about it. Originally, I was told that it would be 6 - 8 weeks, which seemed like agony. There was a cancellation (Or so thay told me), but I keep thinking maybe it was more urgent than they wanted to let me know, so they are just saying it was a cancellation, to keep me from panicking.

I have become obsessive about what I eat and drink - no coffee, camomile tea only. No bacon or other processed meats, no alcohol (was never really adrinker anyway), high fibre, loads of veggies etc. When I look at bacon, I come out in a cold sweat.


I just want my old life back. Coming to thids forum is like therapy for me. When I read back over my post, I think I must be losing my mind, so knowing there are others who feel the same is somewhat comforting.

Thanks

[amu]

I have the worry of being punished for happiness or for feeling better as well. I think this is the OCD element of health anxiety, because these are the same as intrusive thoughts.

[indigo]

Hi I'm 32 aswell and have suffered with HA since before I can remember. I've distanced myself from my kids too before.

Like you say one day you think your okay and you think that you don't have a problem and why were you worry about this or that and then the next day it hits you like a brick and your worried again!

The only thing that helps me is being at work. I'm a teaching assistant at a primary school and I'm so busy sometimes I don't have time to think!

I try to keep myself busy but we have to deal with emotions everyday and thats the bit that I'm not good at doing, I rhink its then when my HA kicks in.

I do wish I didn't have HA but at the same time it serves a purpose. Its almost like saying if I worry about this nothing else bad will happen etc, its almost like ocd.

Anyway, enough blabbing, if you want to contact me please do, I'm fairly new to the site.

Julie x

[abi]

Hi,
yes I agree that from reading about OCD there are lot's of similarities with HA thoughts.
I seem to be developing a new "coping" mechanism over the past few days. When I get that horrible feeling come over me...I stop and literally say to myself:
"It is safe not to worry about this today.....and by tomorrow you may be too busy to worry! If you are still worried in two weeks, see the Dr. Two weeks is a safe time to "ignore" the symptoms as actual cancer referrals take two weeks and that is considered quick....."

Working so far! :yesyes:

[Jan63]

That's really good advice Marjorie.:hugs: I have felt so much better this last few days because I am just not thinking about horrible things although I did go through a 'blip' last night when someone sent me one of those cancer emails.:weep:

[abi]

It only takes something quite small to cause a "blip" doesn't it?:lac:

Glad overall you have been feeling a bit better.
:yesyes:

[always-ill]

Hi, Im a newbie here and just wanted to add that I have very similar feelings, I dont buy lottery tickets just in case I win, cus that would mean something terrible would happen to me! Bizare I know. I snap at my kids because I am worrying about my health, but then Im hugging them and spoiling them with gifts so that if something awful did happen, then I feel I have made them happy! Its swings and roundabouts!
I can have a few days of feeling ok, then I just have a break down and I think I have loads of things wrong with me. HA is just such an awful thing to suffer from. :huh:

[abi]

Hello always-ill.
Thanks for your contribution....you are not alone!
xx:)

[Worry_Head]

Oh my god Marjorie, the feeling that you described about being "not allowed" to enjoy yourself struck me like a bolt, as that is EXACTLY how I feel and have felt for a number of years. I have never been able to explain this feeling to my partner. Even a CBT practitioner I went to see couldn't get his head around my attempt to describe this feeling to him.

It comes over you so suddenly doesn't it, then you feel that you shouldn't be doing whatever you're doing or you don't deserve to be doing whatever you're doing (whether you're out with friends in a pub or at the gym, or whatever). I think for me it's also that if I WAS ill, I perceive that there is no hope or future for myself, so what am I doing out here in the pub laughing with friends - I should be at home under my duvet.

Would you recommend the book by Brenda Hogan?

It's such a waste of a life isn't it? I do feel like I have a mental disease.

You are definitely not alone!

Su
x

[annie2008]

Hi Everyone :)

Well I thought I would add myself to this list of ever growing replies!

Marjorie you said 'I can have a "normal" day one day and then all of a sudden it will hit me like a feeling in the pit of my stomach. I then feel like I am "not allowed" to enjoy myself as this in some way will jinx me and I will then realise I do have something wrong' This is me also, the bit about jinxing especially!

Another thing we all have in common then. How do we get out of this stupid spiral:huh:

Annie

[bellabum]

OMG, not enjoying yourself - reading this has hit me like a bolt from the blue and made me realise that is EXACTLY how I feel. If I do something nice for/to myself, something will happen to me or someone I love. So I keep myself in this cycle without allowing ,myself anything pleasant to detract from it.

I've been ill over the last few weeks with a virus and maybe it's because I feel run-down, but my HA is MASSIVE at the moment - I am convinced I won't live to see Christmas. Mind you, I was convinced of this last year too.

I can logically put pains down to having a fall on Friday and illness/panic attacks before that, but it doesn't really stop the feelings. However, reading through this website does.

[abi]

People that have the same feelings! Thanks for replies....sorry for delay in my comment but only just noticed them.
Anyone can PM me if they would like.
M :)