alien
02-12-08, 16:05
Hi everyone/anyone,
I really need help and just dont know what to do. Here's my story. Im 26 and suffer with what i think is social anxiety. basically i have always been an unhappy kind of person, i self harmed when younger and took a lot of drugs in my early 20s. All was manageable and although i was depressed, i was coping. One day at university i had a panic attack while giving a speech (caused by mixture of drugs and depression i think). I was talking to the class and literally could not speak. Was sweating, my heart beating so hard it was all i could hear. blood seemed to drain over my eyes and i became virtually blind. infront of all my peers i pretty much began to sob. this went on for 10 minutes while i battled through my important presentation. After uni i never really experienced it as never was in that situation.
but last year i got a good job, and it became necessay for me to talk in board meetings. then low and behold the same hing happens in front of all my work colleagues. i just wanted to die afterwards. had a loving girlfriend who got me over it. but i now cannot go to any meetings. its affecting my career as i have to make excuses why i cant go, or go sick, or in one instance change job to avoid havoing to go through this phobia of mine. It sounds so crazy but i actually did quit a job and get a new one to avoid the dreaded presentation. I have broken up with my partner, largely due to the fact that i hate myself for not being able to provide for her properly. i mean if we had kids who needed food how can i explain why i just quit another good job.
i guess im realising that something has got to give, i really need to sort this out, as it is really worsening my depression and i have beome pretty much suicidal over the last months.
what can i do?
I really need help and just dont know what to do. Here's my story. Im 26 and suffer with what i think is social anxiety. basically i have always been an unhappy kind of person, i self harmed when younger and took a lot of drugs in my early 20s. All was manageable and although i was depressed, i was coping. One day at university i had a panic attack while giving a speech (caused by mixture of drugs and depression i think). I was talking to the class and literally could not speak. Was sweating, my heart beating so hard it was all i could hear. blood seemed to drain over my eyes and i became virtually blind. infront of all my peers i pretty much began to sob. this went on for 10 minutes while i battled through my important presentation. After uni i never really experienced it as never was in that situation.
but last year i got a good job, and it became necessay for me to talk in board meetings. then low and behold the same hing happens in front of all my work colleagues. i just wanted to die afterwards. had a loving girlfriend who got me over it. but i now cannot go to any meetings. its affecting my career as i have to make excuses why i cant go, or go sick, or in one instance change job to avoid havoing to go through this phobia of mine. It sounds so crazy but i actually did quit a job and get a new one to avoid the dreaded presentation. I have broken up with my partner, largely due to the fact that i hate myself for not being able to provide for her properly. i mean if we had kids who needed food how can i explain why i just quit another good job.
i guess im realising that something has got to give, i really need to sort this out, as it is really worsening my depression and i have beome pretty much suicidal over the last months.
what can i do?