Feel so so bad

[Zingara]

I've hit a wall again... really thought I was getting better.
I've been under a lot of stress, lots of family stuff, I honestly thought I was handling it but obviously I'm not... over the last week or so panic attacks have been coming thick and fast, I am so tired and dispirited from living with this awful panic. I get scared by the dark and the cold, can't cope with the thought of Christmas coming. My emetophobia is terrible, I worry about being sick all the time, and have horrendous IBS which doesn't help at all. Tonight I have hideous IBS which is adding to the panic, and horrible period pain, and I feel like dying... I just have no fight left.
I feel like I won't survive the winter.
Sorry to rant, it just seems so cruel when I have tried so hard, and had such a horrible year - was it too much to hope that things were getting better? Obviously it was....

[Zingara]

Just wanted to add I really hate what all this makes me - I feel like I could be a different person if only I could let go of all this fear. I have tried everything and it will not go away. I feel really bad too because of the way I am - I feel bad because my boyfriend sees me in tears all the time, or rushing to the loo, or pacing around the house hyperventilating, and I feel so unattractive and unglamorous, like all my mystique has gone... can anyone else relate to this?

[Veronica H]

:bighug1: Hi Samira, sorry you are feeling down. I think there is pressure building for most of us as our routines and personal space is about to be invaded over christmas , and the preparations alone can be enough to send some of us into panic.I remember when I used to be excited about christmas! I also feel guilty because I don't want to ruin it for everyone else.

Around the time of my period the changing hormones always make me feel worse , so maybe when this has passed you will feel a bit better. Hang in there.

Veronica

[Zingara]

That sums it up exactly, Veronica - having one's routines and personal space invaded. I struggle badly with that, and with the anticipation of it. I also feel anxious about spoiling it for the people around me. Also I dread all the walking on eggshells in order to avoid a row that goes on in my family! People say 'it won't be as bad as you think', but last Christmas I had a massive breakdown and ended up crying uncontrollably in the park, the park keeper had to come over and try to calm me down! The Christmas before that the rows were so bad that I left the house (my parents') at midnight on New Year's Day because I just couldn't cope with the aggression. It took me ages to get over it, and I was more robust then than I am now.
I wish it was something you could just 'opt out' of, but you can't. My family is deeply religious too, which ups the pressure. I feel sort of angry that I have to go through all this.
Thanks ever so much for replying, Veronica, it is nice to know someone understands. xxx

[marie1974]

hi matey, im sorry u feeling so awful, i do not spend xmas with my family because of the pretending and stress of it all, i spend it with my hubby and kids.

can u spend xmas with just u and your bf this year and make an excuse about the family, i know your parents are religous but u r a grown women and can do wot ever u like.

i know how hard it is to stand up to parents over things as you know, but for your own sanity i think u need to do that matey and then u will find alot of your anxiety and stress with go away.

im here if u need me hugs xxxxxxxxx

[Zingara]

Thanks Donna and I'm sorry you've been having a rough time too.... thinking of you and will be back in touch - sorry I'm such a rubbish correspondent, but I have been thinking of you. xxx

[STEPHYUNO]

Hi there, I have experienced this when everything just seems like a pain and I can see no real point in anything and when we feel like that it is very real, I also have IBS and though it affects in different ways it can really take it's toll and on top of that you have some family issues that you are worrying about, maybe if you seek some practical help for the IBS and your low mood, which is very common especially at this time of year, then you will feel more able to cope and look forward again, Steph x

[marie1974]

aww no problem, i know what its like when u feel so low and going through difficult time, sometimes u dont have the strength to talk to anyone else, i know and understand
hugs xxx