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gedgington
21-06-05, 15:06
Hi all

Im Gill and Im the mum of a 14 year old who has anxieties, phobias and OCD.Ive never experienced any of these myself and knew nothing about them till she was diagnosed about 2 years ago and have been on a very steep learning curve trying to get my head around what she is going through.

She has had cognitive therapy and relaxation therapy but no medication(one of her phobias!)and most of the time seems to cope really well.Ive been told by the psycologists that all I can do is reasure her and support her and I do most of the time but I get really sick of other people who dont understand what she is going through.Other people love telling me how I should treat her or what I should do for her and most of their advise involves ignoring her.

Problem is I sometimes wonder if they are right and I do reasure her too much.She says it helps but it is more or less constant and always about the same thing.

Am I doing the right thing for her by constantly reasuring her or should I try and get her to cope on her own a bit more.

HELP! Ive been on the net most of the day trying to find the answers and though there is loads of advise for people who suffer with these problems there is no advise for people who live with them.I know I cant take her anxieties away and I wouldnt want to change her anyway cos she is wonderful but I wouild like to know Im doing the right thing for her.

seh1980
21-06-05, 15:16
hi Gill,

Welcome aboard!! :)

It must be very difficult for you deciding what is the right way to treat your daughter. I personally don't think there's anything wrong with constant reassurance, especially at such a young age. You say that your daughter deals with things quite well most of the time so that must mean that you, as her mother, are doing something right!! I'm no expert though so let's see what the others say..

Sarah :D

"Life is too important to take seriously" Corky Siegal

Meg
21-06-05, 15:34
Hi Gill,

I'm sure there will be a couple of others along shortly who have been through all this themselves recently.

I would recommend that reassurance coupled with encouraging progress is the way forward.

She's old enough to learn about what is happening within her and to progress through achieving small sucesses herself and building on them.

Your role is teaching and unconditional support and encouraging independence through seeing how she is improving and suggesting ways she can continue this herself- showing her how her thought processes are fuelling this and how to change them.

I do not think ignoring her is beneficial unless you think she gets to the stage where she starts playing for attention

She may be too old but a few kids books include :

Worried No More: Help and Hope for Anxious Children
by Aureen Pinto Wagner


Cool Cats, Calm Kids : Relaxation and Stress Management for Young People
by Mary L. Williams
Reading level: Ages 9-12


Don't Pop Your Cork on Mondays : The Children's Anti-Stress Book
by Adolph J. Moser
Reading level: Ages 9-12

Helping Your Anxious Child: A Step-By-Step Guide for Parents by Ronald M. Rapee
A Boy and a Bear: The Children's Relaxation Book by Lori Lite

The Anxiety Cure for Kids : A Guide for Parents by Elizabeth DuPont Spencer



Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

Gareth
21-06-05, 16:02
Hi there,

Well this is my perspective as a 30-year old GAD sufferer (only been "ill" for the past 3 months or so...) This is a hard one as you can provide all the support in the world but in the end the only person that can get your daughter out of her situation with anxiety is your daughter.

Reassurance is great - especially for a kid of your daughter's age. It is something that for a long time as a child I did not receive, and I ended up taking certain anxieties into later life as a result. Many people on here would probably say the same.

However, taking responsibility for yourself is also the way out of an anxiety disorder. I would say that for now, reassurance coupled with a nudge from you here and there into taking responsibility for herself and challenging herself is the best way forward. If you can get her to do one thing a day that is beneficial to her (that might be facing a fear, saying some positive things about herself and believing them, doing something really relaxing, etc) then she and you will be on the right path.

And... I am sure that she is really really grateful to have you (even if she doesn't say so that often). And I am also sure that between you you will find a way out of these problems.

all the best,
Gareth



*** I think, therefore I'm anxious ***

gedgington
22-06-05, 12:38
Thanks for all the comments , theyve helped me get things straighter in my own mind and reading round the forum has helped me understand things better.Had a long chat with Kerry last night and showed her the sight.She dosent feel ready to join but was amazed at the fact that other people go through what she does.She has emetophobia and couldnt believe there was a whole section of people with the same problem so indirectly its helped her loads!:D
Thanks again guys .

Gill x

seh1980
22-06-05, 19:46
Glad to hear that Gill :D

"Life is too important to take seriously" Corky Siegal

jill
23-06-05, 21:02
Hi Gill,

Wwlcome to the site.

My daughter sufferd PA and anxiaty from the age of 3.
she is now nearly 12 and doing very well:D[^]
If I explained everything she has been through over the years
I will be here all night LOL , so I will keep it short.
Her main symptom was being sick.
No OCD
Phobias or fears about alot of things.
She would have anixaty about everything. I was told when she was
6 years old after going back of fourth to the hospital that she had reflux.
Not sure which came first, the reflux or the anxiaty.

You are doing all the right things Gill. I remember telling people about
my daughter, some of the advice was fine but one person said all she needed was a good smacked bum put her in her room and leave her
to cry. This advice was crap [Oops!]can I say that.[:I] as I have said her main symptom was being sick, I was told by the phico that her anxiaty manifested itself in her tummy. When she got anxious she would get symptoms of anxiaty then throw up.
You must help your daughter understand what she is going through, encourge her to read books about it all. I have read a few childrens books about anxiaty and found them helpfull.
Keep reasuring her that she CAN learn how to get better.
The advice other member have given you is spot on as always.
Remember Gill my daughter was only very young when it all started,
What sort of Phobias has she got,? I ask this because anxiaty will try
and stop you from doing things. Whan this happened to my daughter
I would always encourge her to face her fears.
This site has been a god send to me, I wish I had found it when my
daughter was young. In june last year I suffered myself with PA and high anxiaty and all that I tought my daughter went out of the window.
It took this site and the speceal people on here to bring me back down to earth. I am now alot better[^]
Ask her to read through the site. My daughter joined not long after me but because she is soooo much better she's out all the time doing what kids do[^]:D
Don't forget Gill it can be hard on the carer please keep posting.

TAKE CARE

LOVE JILLXXX