When will I get well?

[sylvia1970]

I am reletively new to this site, joined 2 days ago. About 8 months ago I had what I considered to be a breakdown. I have a history of anxiey and ocd and depression. I was in a vulnerable state, after I had been doing some painting from within, to explore my inner self. I was on the internet at the time, in psychic chat room of all places, as I had an interest in this and had developed my abilities. Due to my painting I believe I had opened up some trauma and was experiencing some weird things, like a feeling of falling in my head and body. I had lots of dizziness, the ground underneath me, felt like it was moving, and my feet felt like they were going to give in. Someone in one of the rooms, told me that they felt all these symptoms were due to me having a spiritual experience. To cut a long story short, I looked up the meaning of this (kundalini awakening) it was called and I freaked out, I read some very scarey things about it. At first I accepted this may be happening to me, but then days later I got very fearful. I started to disociate, I couldnt remember the time or what day it was, if i had fed the kids, I couldnt even find my way back home, if someone just left me somewhere. I could not look people in the face, their faces looked blurry to me. I was pale,I could not eat or sleep, and apparently these were symptoms of this spiritual experience. I now know, that anxiety and tremendous fear can have a similar effect. My case worker from mental health, tells me its all anxiety and ocd and that Im not having a spiritual experience.

I have not been the same since all of this started 8 months ago. I regret being in that chat room and hearing about it. I regret ever having started my painting as this opened me up and made me extremely vulnerable. I dont know if i will ever reclaim myself again. My ocd was out of control, and I constantly need reassurance, for everything, every thought. I am now afraid of anything supernatural, or spiritual on tv and in life in general. I use to be a spiritualist, but now, I am shutting the door to all that as it has caused nothing but grief. I am so scared as to how bad I was, disociating and I felt not real, I was afraid i would hurt my kids. I was so open, I had no sense of self at all. Will I ever get over this and be happy ever again?

sorry It was suppose to be shorter than this, but it feels good to type it all out.

thankyou for your time and responses.

[Veronica H]

:bighug1: Hi Sylvia

You have made a good decision. One thing have learned about those with panic/anxiety from the months that I have been a member here, is that we tend to be sensitive/creative/self aware(perhaps too much so) people. This openness can lead to us giving too much of ourselves as we are also quite vulnerable at times. You have realised that the symptoms you experienced are down to anxiety, and now you will start to level out and recover.

Best wishes
Veronica

[simione567]

Dear sylvia1970,

You have to understand that depression or anxiety or any other disorder like that affects one's mind. If you have control of your mind you will not be perturbed by all these disorders. Depression or anxiety, they weaken your mind and make you feel lonely and helpless. Trying to mingle more and more with the people around you and listening to their advice will help you a lot in eliminating your problems.

You can also seek medication. If you do so, you will have to follow a treatment method with dedication for an adequate time period. Also, spiritualism is never going to weaken your mind. Spiritualistic practices like yoga or meditation will help greatly in strengthening your mind. Visiting http://www.pillwatch.com/category/depression.html, will allow you to learn more about this. You can find some very useful information over there.

[sylvia1970]

thankyou for your replies, I am currently on medication, have been on it for 7 months now. Spiritualism is a religion it belongs to the psychics, this is the door I have decided to shut. I am not interested in yoga at the moment as this has something to do with my illness and phobia. I have meditated before, although atm I dont want to do that either. I am slowly getting better, but I have such a long way to go. Somedays it feels like I will never be myself again.


thankyou
sylvia