I am so misunderstood

[lilly-lou]

I am so misunderstood in the real world, all my life even when I was little I have had a problem mixing with people, I've never been an in your face type of person, I'd prefer to blend into the background I wish I could be a little more outgoing but I just can't.

My in-laws have never got me and as a result my kids suffer, they have nothing to do with them because of my social phobia not my choice but theirs. They have never taken the time to find out why I don't push myself on people and find it very difficult to mix with others instead they believe me to be ignorant which I am not.

If I pass somebody when I am out my hubby will say did you not see so n so and I can honestly say that I didn't, I am in my own little world most of the time and don't notice things that go on around me, its not because I don't care or I am ignorant its just I am concentrating so hard on not having a P.A to see anything else.

I posted about not fitting in here and maybe leaving but after a few days to think things over I realies its just the anxiety and social phobia that leave me thinking this way, I think this is the only place that I have ever been able to be really honest about the way I feel and not be the odd one out, it is probably the only place that I do fit in as others understand me and know why I feel the way I do and find the simplest of tasks difficult for the first time in my life I can say things and have no fear that I will be called mad or have the mickey taken out of me

[marie1974]

hi matey, what u have just said i can relate to because of my hubby.

he suffered beatings from his mum as a child badly and has low self esteem and finds it really difficult holding a converstion and mixing in groups, so because he will perhaps stay quiet and and not join in, people think he is ignorant and rude and will make comments.

he is very confident in some ways with his work and talking about that and very independant he is cos he was used to working alone, sometimes if i am honest it has caused a few probs between us cos i can talk for england and dont shut up haha and i dont like being alone where as he feels ok alone etc etc.

But i been with him for 16 years and hate it when people judge him, my parents and family have made comments here and there but are lovely to his face and always ask him to do jobs etc cos they know he is clever, i have explained to people that he is not rude, ignorant, standoffish etc, he suffers social anxiety and finds it difficult hoping that they would recognise this and make him feel more comfortable, but dont always happen.

people like me that have known him along time know he is the most caring genuine honest person you could meet and is a really funny person when u actually know him, i am sure sure that this is the same with u hun.

although i am anxious i go the other way i try to act confident and im very chatty and want to b liked, i try to hard i think and after inside i feel really nervous thinking do they like me do i look ok, sound ok, did i say wrong thing etc etc.

i would ignore those people that cant b bothered to know the real you cos they r not worth it, a true friend would see past this and see the real you which is a lovely person
hugs xxx

[lilly-lou]

Your hubby sounds a lot like me I find it hard to make conversation. I can talk for england but only when I am comfortable.

My hubby has been with me a long time 17yrs and he knows how far he can push me in terms of the social phobia and agoraphobia, he knows that I am not ignorant and that its just the anxiety that make me act the way I do.

I am like you Donna always worrying if people like me but I go over in my head what I have said as I am so worried about making a fool of myself, when we go out in the evening I am always going on about the way I look and what I am wearing, guess I just want to fit in and be accepted by brain never stops, I am always fretting over something.

I guess I wish I could just have a little more confidence, not loads but I see people who are really outgoing and just wish I caould have a little of it if that makes sence

[bottleblond]

Lilly

We are all different hun and we all deal with people/situations to the best of our ability. If you in-laws have not taken the time to get to know you then i would say that-that is their loss.

You hold your head high gal because there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you.


Love Lisa
xxxx

:flowers:

[marie1974]

hi matey, i have got better now since counselling, i feel that if someone dont like something or if i may not say the right thing then, oh well, wots the big deal haha, alot of the times now i can do that.

i struggle with my weight, even though i know im small, whenever i feel low and down, straight away i feel fat and need to cover up and lose weight.

i think like lisa says u have to kind of train yourself into thinking who cares wot people think and as long as u feel comfortable then thats the important thing.

i think like u and me, we been with partners a long time so we kind of understand each other and he knows my issues and why i do or say things and i know his, i think thats a really good thing to share and it takes time to get that.

we have a few people in our lives who do understand us and they r the ones that matter to us, anyone else who wants to make comments behind our backs or whatever can just disappear cos they not worth knowing or dealing with.

my other bad problem i have is having people in my house, im always so ashamed even when its nice and tidy, i dont know why i worry and stress and think they gonna think i messy person with horrid house lol.

my friend occatioanlly comes over and thinks i am a nutter cos she always say wot u ashamed of it nice and tiday, i think it stems back from my parents as they were so private when growing up and we didnt have many people in often and mum always stressed about wot people would think.

but im going to tackle this head on, im going to start inviting people over and let them just take me as they find me, we live with a business at moment so very hectic and sometimes business stuff and boxes everywhere, but im gonna just go for it hehe.

[lilly-lou]

I feel the same about my house. I only have one friend and when she comes and her kids and partner they always say my house tidy even though there are 8 of us living here but I never think so, guess I want a show home or something but as if I will ever have one with 6 kids to tidy up after!!!!!

I get you about the weight, I feel really down with the size I am at the moment. I have always had a problem putting weight on because of my anxiety, at my worst I weighed 6 3/4 stone and a size 6 was too big for me but since having my youngest boy 19months ago I am now up to a healthy 9 stone and a size 12 but I hate being this size just as much as I hated being a size 6. I feel really fat and I think that everybody who see me think the same but I guess after being underweight for 14yrs being a normal size will take a bit of getting used to and becides I wasn't liked more when I was skinny again its all down to confidence which I am lacking in.

I am going to try very hard to stick two fingers up at the people who don't get me or are ignorant to my anxiety as the more I think about it the worse I feel about myself

[marie1974]

hi matey, i think that sounds like a good plan sticking 2 fingers up at the ignorant people and 6 3/4 stone is very low, but wot u r now is below the average so u r fine matey, but i do know how u feel.

im 5 ft 6 and size 8-10, if im happy and content im a 10 if im low and down then im a 8 and wanting to b a very small 8 lol, its def all todo with how u feel inside.

i walk around obsessed that i got thunder thighs cos i kinda pear shaped and people say god dont b silly, but when u look in the mirror i guess we see different.

u do well in your house with all your kids haha, i struggle with 3 and 2 of them being quite messy, we really just got to not worry so much.

ive been in some houses where its been terrible and dirty and ive thought oh my god, but they dont care and are happy, so i come away thinking actually mine is not that bad after all lol.

[lilly-lou]

You are right I guess we just don't see what others see. When I was underwieght I didn't get like that intentionally its just the anxiety that made me like that, I was so nervouse I used all my energy on being so. It is all down to lack of confidence and how we feel about ourselves. My hubby loves me being back at this weight as I am maybe 1/2 stone heavier than I was when we met he tells me all the time that I look so much better and healthier than I did when I was thin but I just can't see it. I'd probably feel better doing a bit of exercise to tone up but I haven't got the energy but I also know that if I did exercise then my energy levels would go up and I'd feel a bit better about myself, its a viciuos circle.

You do sounsd like me I think about things too much