I'm getting worse!

[rothko]

I'm a 31 year old male living in London, I've managed to go out socially 3 times this year. The first time was a weekend trip to France with some old friends, made myself very ill with the stress of it all.
The next one was a friends leaving party, actually managed it very well but became severely depressed afterwards.
The last one was a leaving party for a member of my staff, managed to stick in the pub for about half an hour and then legged it.
I used to be able to go out and about, used to get a lot of invites too. Now I can't do it and the invites have dried up, which is a blessing really as I used to get very upset with myself for not being able to do it.

The last occasion I tried to force myself into a situation by inviting my staff out for an afternoon's coffee and cakes, I ended up chickening out and hiding in the toilet and then the evening in tears. I tried explaining it to one of my staff, but she just said that she was shy too and to get over it.

Now I just sit in my house, go to work and see a counsellor once a week. That's it. All I can say is thank you for home deliveries from the supermarket.

I wish I could change back to what I was, I never found it that easy but at least I could go out and enjoy myself.

Phew, first new thread posting out the way. I actually feel my heart racing just posting this.

[pete69]

rothko,
well done on posting,can be daunting for sa peeps,going over in our head what others will think of posts and shall i edit /delete it etc.

you say you are glad you dont get invites anymore-are you being honest with yourself there? generally socialy anxious peeps do want to socialise and are not loners-just the anxiety is somewhat overbearing and we would rather not go through it.
hows it going with your councellor? i have found them next to useless to be honest unless they are giving you cbt therapy and you are practising your exposure.

you employ people,so you are doing very well for a sa person,many many are just on incapacity benefit and see little of others.

i get by with the help of meds,i enjoy socialising if had a beer or 2-in fact if you met me you wouldnt know i had anxiety disorder-we can hide it with our tricks. but your story did ring a bell of hiding in toilets etc as i did that on many occassions at a job i used to work-hated the lunch break and socialising so i used to go to the toilets to have my lunch.
we do many things to avoid making a fool of ourselves huh.

but since ive been on meds the past 5years have been ok and am able to work for myself and try and do the "normal" things of life.

good luck and feel free to pm me

pete

[rothko]

Thanks pete. In all honesty, I wish I could go out and enjoy myself. It's just that I used ( and still do on the odd occasion I get one! ) to get so worked up by invites and then annoyed, upset and depressed when I couldn't go that it's better not to have them.

I generally hide myself away at work, email is a very useful tool! I don't bother with lunch. I'm not rude though, I'll say hello to people etc, but if they engage me in conversation I start to sweat really badly, shake and my mind goes into over drive and then I make myself ill.

I'm about to be made redundant, really not looking forward to going out and looking for work, interviews and a new office.

[pete69]

sorry to hear about the redundancy,not a good time of year to be laid off is it.
as u say, interviews etc total nightmare,its why i am self employed as i done the work with others bit-managed to scrape through interviews with the help of vodka! a few years back now im talking.but i never really fitted in with large companys. worked as a postman,nightshift at tescos,all very interactive when it comes to lunchbreaks/meal breaks. i didnt last long in either job.

have you thought about meds? can make a big difference in helping control the physical symptoms you described.

[rothko]

I've tried Propranolol and Prozac, not at the same time. The Propranolol left me feeling like a total zombie, really didn't get on with it at all and the Prozac was just as bad but for different reasons.