Do I try too hard??

[Yvonne]

I get to the stage where I just feel as if I've had enough of "trying". I put a message on the thread about anxiety whilst shopping and this has prompted me to ask people a question.

I try very hard with this damned illness, I expose and expose and expose!!! I go shopping every day to stores and shops and I get the same symptoms each time I go. I can feel fine at times - actually it can depend on who I'm with.

I take some diazepam as directed by my therapist but it really doesn't do what it should as far as I'm concerned.

I think I'm getting a bit obsessed with the whole exposure thing, every day I feel I must get out and "challenge" - I just want to be normal and not keep worrying about challenging. I have to get out to these feared places or I feel as if I've let myself down.

Now, I'm definitely doing something wrong here. I still get the horrid lurching in the gut and this awful feeling that I could cry - I never have but it's defo a hard and fast phobia I reckon.

Just lately even when I do well at my challenges I don't get any positive feedback from myself. Like normally when you do these things and you do alright you feel pretty good but I aint!!!! I guess this is the depression not allowing me to feel good about what I do achieve.

What do you do when your meds are not working as they should? What do you do when you have had all therapies on offer? I really feel I can do no more and it's putting me on a real downer this week.

Anyone got any bright ideas?

Love to all xxx

[Smiley?]

No bright ideas Yvonne - but lots of hugs!

xx

[Wenjoy]

I know what you mean - I force myself a few times a week to go into busy shops and walk round and round - for me its the queuing feeling of being trapped then I cant breathe and feel hot and faint - but at least you are trying and thats the key - to do it again and again! Well done.Wenjoy x

[Dotcom]

Oh its a nightmare all this, your not alone have you read the Claire Weeks books? I found them realy helpfull, I used to keep one in my bag all the time.

take care
Dotty:bighug1:

[Yvonne]

Dotty

Oh yes I've read the claire weekes books several times and listened to her recordings - plus I've read every other book on the market I reckon. Tis a demon this thing lol..... gawd knows why I'm laughing.

[mummy4]

hun ive replied to your message and sorry have no advice just to say your not alone.
i too feel im always challenging myself but it just doesnt seem to pay off grrrrr its so annoying xxxxxxxxx

[marie1974]

hi matey, u r doing really well and its important not to push yourself to much and expect to much to soon otherwise u will end up feeling worse, small steps and only do wot feels comfortable. hugs to u xxxx

[Anna C]

Hi Yvonne,

I'm sorry you're feeling down at the moment.
I can relate to what you are going through as I am doing exposure work at the moment, the corner shop and also trying to queue in Asda!

Someone told me recently that I am impatient to recover, maybe I am, I'm trying to do as Claire Weekes says and let more time pass, but its hard when you just want to be well again. I felt really anxious and scared in Asda on Saturday.I find it frustrating and feel that I am letting myself down and also my counsellor when I find things really hard.

You said at times you feel fine, so that is a positive, I think taking little steps, and writing down any positives no matter how small can also help.

I am doing exposure 4 times a week, you're putting yourself out there every single day even though you are scared, thats really brave and I think you are being so hard on yourself!!

Do you feel tense and scared before you leave the house or is it only when you get to the shop? For me even leaving the house is scary, so now I do breathing exercises before I go out.

Good luck I know how hard it is. Sending you hugs and I hope it gets easier for you soon.:hugs: :hugs:

Anna xx

[freakedout]

Hi Yvonne,

I really do understand where you are coming from with this. I recently posted a thread about CBT because like you I feel like I have almost exhausted my treatment options. There are some interesting replies on there it is in the Therapy Forum, some of them may help, it seems that some answers may lie in being able to like/accept yourself - that doesnt come naturally for me though and I know the depression can thrash any self worth and esteem, then there is the guilt etc.



Just lately even when I do well at my challenges I don't get any positive feedback from myself. Yes, I know it is a bit like... 'Well yes I did well to go to the shops for example, but I still felt tense, anxious, panicky'.... and how can you feel positive about that when it is a situation that you just don't want! Now I am the worlds worst at seeing anything positive in my own situation so I am probably not the best person to be replying to your thread, but I really do know how it can get you down when you try to face up to your problems and they don't seem to get any easier.

Anna has made some good points, you are pushing yourself which is positive in itself, you are determined and committed to overcome all of this two more positives, one day they might outweigh the negatives. Hang on in there Yvonne, am here for you anytime.

Take care

Freaky

[Yvonne]

Awwwwww

Gonna cry.... you are all soooo nice, truly. Thank you all so much with people like you all out there I should feel better cos you all understand it.

Anna; What you said was significant, yes I am impatient to recover - however I am "impatient" with everything, part and parcel of anxiety I know.
Let more time pass as Claire says is right but how much more time. I have been trying to get ahold of this thing for four years with ups and downs on the way. Having said that, I may have to start listening to Claire's recordings again.

Freakyxxx Thanks mate, I know you understand it very well. I will take a look at that thread about cbt. Thing is, CBT does not work for everyone and that's a fact. I know a lot of people sing it's praises and say it's done wonders for them and I think that's wonderful for those people. However, I can't make it work and that's that.

I will try to concentrate on the positives, but I do seem to have hit a low this week and have no idea why. The positives are there but I'm suffering with self pity at the moment because I have tried so hard and I get very upset seeing all these "normals" going about their business happily out there. Mind you, I probably look pretty normal when I'm "out there". Truth is I just want the old me back so desperately.

Once again, thank you all for the lovely replies - they do mean a lot and I appreciate people taking time to talk to me. xxxxxx

Love to all

[bumbles]

Hi I also feel l like you Its tireing having to try soo hard just to be normal. But practice does make perfect. Soon enough we will find that we dont have to try so hard anymore. Setbacks are normal part of the process. I wish you luck on your journey what your doing is exactly the right things to do avoidence would only make you worse. Every act of courage produces a measure of self respect and confidence. Good Luck honwy keep up the good work.:bighug1: