So the nightmare returns...

[lucy030188]

So those of you who know me, and I've spoken to will know that my anxiety kicked off in August when my nan had a stroke infront of me!! It left me feeling extremely worried (as it would anyone I suppose)...but also for these 4 months I have felt constantly sick...wherever I go whatever I do, I feel sick!

Anyway, so my nan was in hospital 5 weeks and improved brilliantly and obviously we were all really happy........but my sickness continued regardless!...The past few months have been hard, but Ive seen psychiatric nurses....the GP and even a hypnotherapist, and although the anxiety remains, I do admit that in some circumstances I do feel a bit better.

However, on Tuesday, my nan fell over and broke her hip in 3 places...was rushed to hospital and had to have an operation (ok yeh...I know elderly people are vulnerable to this...but it completely came at the wrong time for her)...My mom was with her all day, and they were assured the fall wasnt anything to do with the stroke, she had literally just slipped over. So convinced by this, I went to see her last night in hospital with my mom....and what happened when we got there.....she had another stroke! Its got to be one of the scariest experiences of my life...I went faint, really hot and had to step out the room at one point.

So now....as well as being petrified about my nan being ok....I'm worried this anxiety is coming back full swing! I'm trying not to worry, but the images just keep playing over in my mind and I can't help it =(

Anyway so sorry for the really long ramble...but theres no1 in the chat room and I've got nowhere else to express everything!

Thanks

[welovesalc]

Hi Lucy, awww how horrible for you. I think I can understand where you are coming from because my grandad died in front of me and I think that propably kicked off my anxiety problems too. I think the thing for me, and maybe with you too, is that it is so awful to watch someone deteriorate in front of your eyes and you feel so totally helpless.

I don't think your anxiety will come back full swing, I think the coping mechanisims you learnt first time round will help you out. I can't explain this very well, but it like you learnt to cope (even if you think you didnt) the first time you saw your nan having a stroke, and you will use that (even if you think you arn't coping) now and the feelings of anxiety wont hit you as hard iyswim? i think you should allow the images to play over in your mind and with time they will stop being scary to you. Accepting what happened rather than fighting it helped me when my grandad died.

lots of hugs x

[lesleya]

Aaaw Lucy i really feel for you hun. Youve gone through a lot lately...along with your nan. Witnessing your nan suffer a stroke must have been so traumatic for you, and its bound to have an effect on you. I know from talking to you in chat that you love your nan to bits so this is bound to have been an awful shock to your system, and your naturally worried about her. Dont be so hard on yourself, you need to give yourself time to get over the shock and then the images of you have of your nan taking ill will start to lessen..and you'll find it wont stress you as much as it is right now. Your nan is in good care and im sure she will recover fully again.
I honestly know how your feeling hun from experience, my fiancee dropped dead in front of me when i was 21 so i know how much it can scare you, so i do sympathise with you. Your nans a lucky lady to have a niece like you who cares so much.
Take care and i hope you start to feel better soon
xxx:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[lucy030188]

Thanks guys for replying...
and I am really sorry for things you have encountered similar in the past too!
I'm trying to stay strong for her....but I think im generally just a weak person!

Thanks again xxx

[titch]

:ohmy: aww hun u didnt tell me about last night!! that must of been horrid..im so sorry...you know you can always talk to me hun...you've been a brill friend to me!!:D your nan is in the best place hun they will get her better again..hugs and love titch xxxxxxxxxxxxxx:bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1:

[lesleya]

Your in no way weak lucy..your sensitive..that why things affect us this way and make us feel anxious... because you do care. And thats not a bad thing its a good thing. Id rather be caring and show my feelings, than go through life just shrugging things off as if they dont matter. I know your feeling down just now but you will slowly and gradually feel better...give yourself time.
You care about your nan thats why this has upset you. Your stronger than you think!
Hugs
xxx

[LucyA]

Hey Lucy (nice name lol),

I'm so sorry to hear that this happened, but my first thought when I read your post is how strong you are being, despite how you might see yourself!

The thing to remember about anxiety (and especially emetophobia) is that it often occurs when your mind tries to repress a memory, to save yourself the grief of remembering it. Then when you are older that repressed memory manifests itself in all kinds of ways (in your case anxiety and feeling sick).

You are now doing EXACTLY the right thing by expressing outwardly how you feel, that you are scared, yet you got through it. Let the images play in your head as you need to come to terms with it but by no means hide how scared or upset you might be and be proud of how you're dealing with it. It all helps.

I really hope your Nan is well soon, and that you're ok too!
xx