Losing Support

[LoveMusic]

Hi
I've been going through a tough time with my anxiety, although its improved a lot since September.

However, my Dad, my main support is going away for three days on Sunday and I am scared that not only will I be worried, tense and unable to cope, but that this will trigger a huge anxious response; that could last until after its all over.

[Magik]

I know it's scary to be thinking about being alone and how having problems with anxiety makes this worse. Just remember, that he might have been your biggest support, but you still have alot of people from this website and I'm sure you must have someone either in your family, or perhaps a close friend that would be willing to help you through this difficult time.

Problem is, dwelling on it and almost "expecting" it to happen, can trigger one. Least I've found that to be true for myself. What you might need is a back up plan, maybe plan something for you to take up time, something you enjoy doing, maybe needlework, invite some people over for a small get together? Another thing you might need to consider, if you're taking meds for anxiety, maybe get ahold of your doctor and see if maybe he could prescribe you something for an "In case of emergency" thing. I don't know how bad your attacks are, but I know mine get really bad. Best thing you can do, is try to relax, and I know it's easier said than done. but if you need to talk to someone about it, this website and the chat they have are terrific supportwise, as I've found out firsthand myself.

Change is a big problem for alot of us, but if we all can surpass something like this without problems, we're all the stronger for it. I wish ya luck and I hope things are fine for you. <3

[alias_kev]

First - well done for sharing about this and asking. I'm sure if you come on here there may be people about most days & times who will try and reply to you.

As Magik said one of the worst behavours in ours heads is the anticipation of failure (or anxiety or panic). The next worse is assuming that we will fail or that it will all so wrong. I'm not saying that its easy to change this but its kind of the goal for many of us.

I would suggest you need to find some or all of the following - you may know all of them already:

a. something you can do that distracts your mind from anticipation or anxiety. Some like TV or music or games or dancing or books or whatever.
This is useful to break the anticaption when it starts going round and rund in your head. I get this and distraction is effective - its just not a long term solution. Its something to use to break the cycle and when its too bad.

b. some ways to fight the panic/stress symptoms. I had square breathing recommended to me. Its basically controlled slow deep breathing. It can help block early symptoms stopping them building. You can google this to know I'm not making it up - or ask and I'll tell you what I know.

c. relaxation techniques can give the body and brain a rest and for some help generally. one problem for continuous and/or extreme anxiety is the body and brain kind of get so used to it that its hard to stop. its a bit like a chemical addiction or a runaway train. I've not used these much - perhaps I need to - but for some its very useful. Even the simplest may help. I quite like progressive relaxation. The idea is to relax your body one piece at a time until its all relaxed. I just found a simple description on this page http://www.umm.edu/sleep/relax_tech.htm Some people vary from this description by tensing each body part before relaxing it as it is much much easier to relax a muscle if you just tightened it.

While these may not change your anxiety in the long term they are good tools for dealing with or avoiding an immediate crisis.

You can also chat to people in realtime on the chat room part of the site. This may be good if things start to get on top of you next week.

[LoveMusic]

Thanks for the replies; he's gone now and won't be back till late on Tuesday. I know its silly but its does affect me because I rely on him to be there if 'something happens'

Its all about silly anticipation.

[Jan63]

I understand where you are coming from. I am alone most days and I feel very very lonely. My o/h works although he gets home earlier in winter than summer but I dread being on my own - especially with these horrible panic attacks.:unsure: Are you completely on your own?

[alias_kev]

Thanks for the replies; he's gone now and won't be back till late on Tuesday. I know its silly but its does affect me because I rely on him to be there if 'something happens'

Its all about silly anticipation.
Well we are all still here if you need to talk by typing. There is also the chatroom area (although I've not been there yet) for more realtime chat.

You are quite right about having someone to lean on and noticing that they aren't there even when you DON'T need them. Its a danger in a way with many of these conditions. We benefit from the support but also become a bit dependant on it. We start to worry/obsess about the support (or lack of it) even more than the original problem. Some people do this with medication or protective habits or whatever.

As you say its "silly anticipation". What ifs that are worthy of a script writer on Casualty....! Now thats not to say that they are easy to beat or that the fear/anxiety is not real. It is! Its the anticipation thats quite broken. People who coach us in CBT often talk about irrational beliefs. And there is a list of core/common ones. Negative Anticipation is one of those. That it turn leads to anxiety and (for some) to panic (attacks). In the longer term CBT might help to break that cycle for you. In the short term - while he is away - consider those ideas I mentioned: distraction, blocking early symptoms (eg. breathing) and relaxation. They don't especially tackle the root anxiety but they are good for retaining control.

Thinking of you.

[Cherbear]

You can get through this and you'll be so proud of yourself when you do. There is nothing wrong with feeling how you feel, I feel lost when I'm on my own as I rely on my family greatly and I always worry I'll have no one there if I have a panic attack. However I have got through this and so can you! Hugs:hugs: :hugs: xx

[LoveMusic]

Everything went okay :) xx

[Jan63]

That's brilliant you did really well.:hugs: Is your dad back now?

[alias_kev]

Well done for coping so well. :yesyes:

With all the anxiety conditions its what we can manage and what we can face that makes a lot (and sometimes everything) of the improvement we can make. I hope the information and ideas helped a bit.

Remember this time when you're faced with hard things again. It shows what you can do and all us sufferers need reminders of that!