View Full Version : Really fed up with my life!
Hi all,
Been a way from this site for a while because I felt I needed to take a break. I deleted my previous threads because when I read them back to myself they sounded ridiculous. Now I regret doing that but I guess I felt self-destructive at that time.
At present I'm not sure how I feel. My mood is a little chaotic and I'm finding it hard to settle down. For example my anxiety has died completely for the last 2 weeks but I've been extremely depressed. At the same time I've been feeling very careless and uninterested in things. Most days I am struggling to get out of bed, and nearly all my spare time is sleeping. I just feel tired, fed up and depressed with everything general - like everything seems grey and dull.
The other day to my surprise my sister said to me I look like I am losing weight. I said "Really?!" and she said I am looking more gaunt in the face. I was surprised because I hadn't noticed any changes in my eating habits but it turns out (now that I am aware) I am actually not eating much at all. Not because I am stressed, but because I just don't feel 'hungry' I guess. I checked my weight and it showed I've lost 1 stone. I don't think this has been suddenly, I think this has been gradual. But I am finding now I am eating less and less.
I am now finally seeing someone for my anxiety and depression, a CBT therapist but she seems to just tell me things I already know. As I've done CBT before, it just seems all pointless. I thought I'd maybe benefit from doing it again and challenging my issues, but it feels like a total waste of time because it's stuff I already know how to do. My doctor was overly joyed to transfer me to a CBT therapist because I think she was fed up of me coming back to her.
The best treatment and advice I had was from a proper psychiatrist who seemed to just totally understand my problem. Unfortunately I only had a limited amount of time seeing this person and I am aware that to see one I need to pay a rather large fee.
I'm currently still on Sertraline but I really don't know how I feel on it, I'm a bit all over the place. I'm thinking of trying something else, maybe an SNRI or something.
Anyway, I won't bore you any longer.
Later.
Okay, so I really need some help! Today, once again (like I've been experiencing before) I felt really anxious and then all of a sudden EXTREMELY HIGH. So high I am going out of my way to do crazy things, then it wears off and I am like "why did I just do that?" I think it's the medication doing this.
hi matey, it could b the meds doing that, i had very bad depression years back and i always bang on about this hehe but exercise really did save me and got me off meds and feeling human again.
just stuff indoors until i felt more confident to go power walking etc and after few weeks of forcing myself cos it was last thing i wanted to do, i began to feel great, motivated, postive and my outlook changed, that was 6 or 7 yrs ago and i still power walk most days and it really helps me.
people with dep i think need to find something to focus on and stick too and not over think to much, routine is also so important u know up at certain time, breakfast, shower etc it really helped me.
anyway stick around and we try to help ya matey ccc
Thanks for the replies.
Hi Donna, I actually do exercise myself as I know this can stimulate motivation and energy, but lately no matter how much or what exercise I force myself to do I am just not feeling any benefits.
This is a very strange time for me because I really don't know if my depression has worsened or not. For example, having feelings of guilt, difficulty making decisions, feeling irritable and intolerant of others, lack of energy and motivation and finally lack of enjoyment and interest in things to name a few - all typical traits of depression. The thing that strikes me the most with how I feel at the moment is not knowing if my depression is me being depressed or the way the medication (Sertraline) is having an effect on me. Reason being, because I noticed before I was getting a certain 'numbness' with anti-depressants before and 'tiredness' that can sometimes be seen as traits of depression. How do I know I am really depressed and it is not the medication causing these symptoms?
One might say, maybe I am not really even depressed enough to be on anti-depressants and therefore they are not making me better but the opposite; depressed. While that might be true, why do I feel so much better for a few weeks and then I end up how I am now? It's like the medications only work for a certain amount of time before they stop working.
I've noticed also that when I am more depressed my anxiety is irradicated - it's just gone and I no longer feel it. I am reckless, feeling hopeless, alone, angry, overconfident but not anxious. It's strange, because it's nice to feel not anxious, but at the same time it's not nice having these other symptoms which I am starting to believe are worse. To put it plainly, it's like I don't feel anymore. Am I really here or am I just existing?
God, I wish I knew the answer. I really don't know what to do.
You know, its interesting to follow the posts of the men who have depression, as opposed to the women who have depression. There seems to be a huge difference in the way this illness affects both. For example, depression in women seems to make them melancholy...sad and reflective, whereas depression in men just seems to make them angry, and wanting to lash out. My son suffers with depression off and on and he can be the same...it always seemed to make him angry, or is it the reaction to the meds? perhaps the meds also create different responses in men and women.
Just an observation.
Hope you feel more balanced soon.
Hello Tom,
Good to have you back!:winks:
I wonder if you're not actually suffering from depression but instead suffering from too much stress in your life. I think this stress is making you feel trapped and this trapped feeling is causing your depressed state and irritability so you need to find a way to ease these pressures to open the door to free yourself.
From what I can remember you were at uni but you were finding it very stressful. I can't remember though if you're still studying or gave it up?
Alot of your symptoms remind me so much of when I was your age. In my case, I didn't go to uni but even school and work stressed me out so much that I had your symptoms.
My suggestion would be that you ask yourself some questions but not about your medication or symptoms.
Think deep down and ask yourself what thoughts you're having that are making you feel so anxious. They maybe thoughts that you're thinking "subconsciously" creating the same habitual reactions each day.
Ask yourself what would really make you happy if you were granted a wish for your dreams to come true. This wish though wouldn't be to just stop the symptoms. It has to be deeper than that regarding the thoughts that are creating your symptoms.
Ask yourself what you need to or would lke to change in your lifestyle to ease the pressures you're feeling.
Ask yourself what you Really enjoy doing and bring those things into your routine.
Ask yourself what you need to make you Want to get up and feel like eating. What would give you something to look forward to IF you could summon the energy to go for it.
Once you answer these questions, I may have more to ask and more to suggest so think carefully Tom because I'm SURE there is a way out for you but I don't feel meds are the answer to your problems. I think you'll find better more effective long term ways. You just feel you need some direction and given some motivation. Don't give up Tom.:winks:
Hi Bill
Thanks for that very positive light you've just shed into this thread. :)
The thing that confuses me the most is that, I have been very depressed in the past and I was very near reaching point with it again when I came off my medication for 4 months. My anxiety probably causes my depression most of the time, and with it being near non-existent at present makes me wonder if my depression is so great it has muted any regular feelings.
Although stress does always play a vital role in anyones life, I don't think it is the cause of my anxiety and depression. Over the years I've looked this over and over, and found sure some thing can contribute (Externally) but a lot of it just seems to be the way I am.
The problem I have with medication is that when it does work, it works. The difference is like night and day, but I absolutely hate taking any form of medication. I feel so weak taking medication, like I am taking an easy route and I feel guilty for doing so. Everyone I speak to says I would probably better off without meds, but everytime I've tried to come or successfully come off I have relapsed.:shrug:
You know, one of the things I remember the psychiatrist I saw ages ago said was to start implementing things into my routine I might like to do. But recently when I go to do them, I don't feel myself enjoying them at all. Furthermore, I feel like I have 'gone off' everything I used to like and trying other things doesn't seem to make a difference either. :huh:
Maybe these things I should raise with my CBT therapist? I don't know. I got the impression when I went that the CBT stuff was exactly what I had done before and remembered.
Hello Tom,
See if this makes any sense as it's my guess as to what's going on.
I don't know your background or when this first started but based on what I can remember you saying, my guess is that your anxiety surfaced at uni when you felt under too much pressure?...or was it before then?
Whichever....I think that somewhere along the line your anxiety was triggered by a stressful period but although that stressful period "maybe" over, your mind is still suffering the consequences of it. The period probably knocked your confidence so that everything you tackle makes you feel anxious which would be why you're feeling so depressed because anxiety is preventing you from enjoying anything.
It's like the medications only work for a certain amount of time before they stop working.
This is an important point. A psychiatrist once told me that the above statement is true of someone who is suffering from a depressed state due to anxiety rather than suffering from true depression.
This is why the effects feel as if they wear off because ad's lift the mood but the anxiety will always re-surface over time as the body becomes used to a particular Ad. This is also why we keep having to try new Ad's to find the same benefit of the Ad tried before. It's only when the fears are tackled do we actually learn to cope with anxiety.
It is NOT a weakness to need Ad's because in the short term they can be very beneficial to help us through our worst periods. However, it's while we're receiving their benefits that we need to work on the fears. Ad's can help to lift our mood just enough to give us the impetus we need to move forward. They can be our support.
My feeling is that if you've been taking the Sertraline for some time, consider trying a new one. Once you start feeling the benefit of them and your mood feels lifted, start working on the things that are causing you to feel anxious. During this time, also work on a plan for a path ahead to make changes to your lifestyle and to introduce things that normally you enjoy. Whatever is causing you to feel anxious, focus on thinking of things that you feel you need to do or bring in to counteract those fears.
Honestly Tom, I have been where you are now so I do understand how you're feeling but I also know that is possible to re-gain our life. You just need a breakthrough. A little spark to bring enjoyment back into your life. Think hard about the fears that are deep down in your mind that are making you feel so anxious and whatever they are, think of what you need to do or change in your life to feel happy but do consider a new Ad but make full use of it so that if you prefer, you can learn how to cope without but it is Not a weakness to need the support they provide. I tried most of them too!
I know you'll get there!:winks:
Hiya Tom,
I've been wondering where you've been hiding. Sorry to hear you're having trouble right now.
It's difficult to know what is causing you to feel this way. For me, I know some medications make me feel like this, one of them is for my Bipolar, which is why I don't like taking it and have discontinued for sometime now.
I can't really offer much more advice than what the others have already said, but I wanted to wish you well.
Here if you ever need to talk.
Take good care xx:flowers:
Hi all, thanks for the replies I really appreciate you taking the time to reply to my thread.
To give a brief history bill, my anxiety surfaced mainly when I was 13yrs old but I had always been a shy person before. I guess growing up and having to deal with all the situations in my life I developed a bit of a problem. It got worse as I got older and by the time I was 16 I was having a atleast 2-3 panic attacks a day. During that time I was suicidal and very ready to give up on life altogether. Thankfully I got the right help and did CBT and then anti-depressants. Even though I am much older, still having to deal with all the stressful changes in my life I am still not coping with it very well still - but I am better.
What really frustrates the hell out of me is that while being medicated I don't feel happy. I am less anxious but I would say I am probably more depressed. Does that make sense? Only one medication made me feel less anxious and happy and that paroxetine but I started to get terrible side effects and it stopped working so I came off it. I just wish I could be happy - I am less anxious but not happy! It just doesn't make sense. I feel like coming off my medication again just to be slightly happier again even if my anxiety is really bad. But the problem is, my anxiety gets the better of me and I end up back on the medication!
I truly do believe there is something out there that will allow me to be less anxious one day and medication free. I just need find the right therapy. I know that nearly everything I face in my life that makes me anxious is all in my head. I just need to find ways to deal with it.
God, I felt so bad the last few days I don't know what I was going to do.. I think I am going to come off my medication or atleast lower the dose because I just don't think it's helping... I can't enjoy anything anymore while on this meds I just don't feel anything. I want to cry but I can't. :weep:
Oh Tom don't rea lly know what to say to offer you comfort babe, hope things start to improve for you soon.
Heather
I think my serotonin is messed up. I know, I know, usually that's the reason why people are depressed or anxious in the first place (because of a chemical problem). I'll tell you why, because although I may have had an imbalance before I took any medications, I think chopping and changing my medications has really screwed it up possibly further but I do believe they help when on the right medication for some time. I've also read that serotonin helps regulate body temperature? Well, when I came off my medication before (for 4 months) my tongue became pale and dehydrated and since being back on my colour is a perfect hydrated colour. If I miss a few doses by mistake my tongue goes back to the pale dehydrated look. There are a few other things as a well, but there just seems too much of a strong correlation for me to ignore.
Well, after some initial thought and further investigation, I have come to the conclusion that the reason I perhaps feel the way I do is not helped by having IBS. I've had IBS since I was 14, and I've discovered that while having IBS that the absorption of viatmins is not going to be helped by the fact undigested food being shown in stools (sorry to be graphic). So when you consider that, it's no wonder I feel terrible.
Although anti-depressants help regulate this problem, they do not help solve the culprit. Which is why I am going to come off and try regulate my wellbeing with vitamins. Basically I've had enough of medication, as I believe it does me no favours. It just helps me carry on without treating the problem. There are two sides to that argument I know, but in my case ignoring the cause is not going to offer a long term solution.
I must be nuts to be weaning myself off now (post exams, work experience at uni) but I truly feel that the only way I can overcome my demons properly is to face them without something 'protecting me'.
Does this make sense? I know it sounds a little weird.
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