Anxiety and Relationships?

[dave11282]

Hi

I have just come out of relationship, has turned out to be real sad end.

Also it has been clear that my anxiety has acted as trigger for creating some negative emotions in this relationship. Not being able to cope with some of her actions and feelings, due to my anxieties (I actually have been diagnosed with PTSD from trauma many years ago).



It seems to me that I cannot connect on deep emotional level in a relationship.

Do others have issues in relationships with chronic anxiety . ?

[Marcie]

Hi Dave,

I know your pain. It seems the only time I'm having BAD anxiety is when a relationship doesn't work out for me...or isn't working the way I think it should. For me it's hard to work on the issue because I don't have an issue unless I'm in a relationship with someone I really like...and then it's almost too late.

My goal for my next relationship (if there is one!) is to take is SLOW. Be friends first and slowly bring up my issues to the person as we get to know each other...something like that anyway.

[dave11282]

My goal for my next relationship (if there is one!) is to take is SLOW. Be friends first and slowly bring up my issues to the person as we get to know each other...something like that anyway.

that is exactly how I feel, I think my nervous, anxious energy gets me into relationship too quick, rush things. Then I cannot seem to cope.

[Marcie]

Yes well I just came off a relationship that went too fast. I was right there with him though and loving it! But now I am left a wreck once again:weep: and I always blame myself even though I know I probably did the right thing. I believe my intuition was right all along anyway. As much as I liked/like him, he was the wrong guy for me.

I like to believe that people come into our lives for a reason. There is something we need to learn from them. The more painful the experience, the bigger the lesson...perhaps.

I just stumbled on Mindfulness therapies on this web site today (that's all I've been doing all day!!) and have since been gathering all sorts or information about it. I came across a video on You Tube by Jon Kabat-Zinn and forced myself to watch it. Boy am I glad I did. I don't want to get too long and rambling but it calmed me down to no end and I know this is the path I'm taking. This is what I was supposed to learn. I know this all sounds a little hokey but I wanted to tell you because you may find it will help you as well. I want to be able to help someone else if I can.

Anyway, I am very hopeful for the future and I hope you are as well.
I always say to my friends/family after a breakup...Oh well, another one bites the dust :winks:

[whowhatwhere]

Hi

I have just come out of relationship, has turned out to be real sad end.

Also it has been clear that my anxiety has acted as trigger for creating some negative emotions in this relationship. Not being able to cope with some of her actions and feelings, due to my anxieties (I actually have been diagnosed with PTSD from trauma many years ago).



It seems to me that I cannot connect on deep emotional level in a relationship.

Do others have issues in relationships with chronic anxiety . ?

I do with new friendships. i always feel like people i know deep down like me are trying to find ways of getting me to leave them alone. weather or not this is Anx i don't know. i have never been told i have PTSD but i certainly tick the boxes for it....

i don't really know what advice i can give due to me not really knowing my own stuff myself. but good luck.

:hugs:

[sam_1]

I know exactly what you mean, my relationship is failing at the moment because i am anxious about everything, i dont know why. its really hard to ignore, these worries are at the bak of my mind constantly and when they surface i just seem angry and end up takin it out on my bf. i dnt know why. its so hard. hes goin onto night shifts now for financial reasons and i cannot cope, i feel like im goin crazy i have no idea wat to do as we live together. its like theres a third party in my relationship...the anxiety. i hate it.

[Marcie]

Hi Sam,

Does your bf know about your anxiety?

[dave11282]

t seems the only time I'm having BAD anxiety is when a relationship doesn't work out for me...or isn't working the way I think it shouldMarcia

yep, I feel the same way. Is like I dont have the coping mechanisms. I tried to be real relaxed and cool in my recent, last relationship. But it did not work, my anxiety went through the roof. She did act or behave wrongly at times (nothing major i guess, the usual annoying relationship stuff), which at times she did own up to, but it was like wading in treacle. It is at that point that my anxieties go sky high and I feel I am losing control of it all. Is difficult to explain, guess I try to hard sometimes. I think it is better for me not to try to hard at first, & not to try to hard to connect at a deep emotional level.

I will look into the Mindfulness thing.


feel like im goin crazy i have no idea wat to do as we live together. its like theres a third party in my relationship...the anxiety. i hate it.Sam

well put, could not have said it better. I guess we who suffer from anxiety will feel it is amplified when in a deep relationship. The whole thing acts as a trigger

[Marcie]

Not that I wish this upon anyone, but it is good to know that we are not alone. It can be such a weird experience it's hard to explain to people. I completely understand what you are all saying.

This is actually the third time this has happened to me over about ten years. Each time I am devastated. I mean it just about ruins me. But each time...once I come out of it...I have learned a little bit more. This time? I have learned a lot!!!:yahoo:

The one thing I would like to say is...learn from this and then act upon what you have learned! I'm pretty sure the folks at my library think I'm bonkers at this point. I've been there about 5 times this week and taken out 15 different self help books.:blush: All of which are going back today (not for me)...and I'm picking up some new ones.

So don't give up whatever you do!! Your job is to search for what works for you and then work it!!