driverpm
23-06-05, 10:36
Hi all,
Stumbled accross this site yesterday and very glad that i did - like most (probably all) people living with panic & general/health anxiety i have found it so hard to believe that I'm not the only one. looking back i guess i've been prone to anxiety all my life, with a primary teacher even questioning the stories my mum would read me as i was at times 'a very worried little boy'. i recognise in myself that i am lucky/cursed with a vivid imagination, but it is only recently (8 years after my first full panic attack) that i have begun to belive that the physical manifestations of panic and anxiety aren't actually the symptoms of some underlying pathology that is going to snuff me out at any minute - i STILL don't always believe. Like most people here i have good days and bad days but reading the testamony of others is a real comfort. I don't meant that i take delight in the misery of others, only that in the knowledge that so many people share the same feelings/emotions/physical sensations that i do helps me to realise that i am not cracking up or that "it'd be just my luck to have some fantastically rare and therefore undiagnosed & exotic terminal complaint".
Anyway, not read this thought here yet (but bound to be here as there are SO many threads) but if you are new to this journey of getting to know yourself that we must all embark on to feel we're living whole lives again: remember that it can be helpful and empowering to claim ownership of yourself - warts and all
As an addition to my original post i should explain how i've been feeling (sorry new to this!). So i hope you're sitting comfortably......
It all stated on the way back from a graduation ceremony (1997 aged 24) - lovlely day but hot and tiring and a long drive. nearly home and started to feel very odd - hot, dizzy and a strange pounding heart rhythm - didn't last long (10 seconds) but it made me gasp for breath and have to stop the car. went to GP next day as i was a bit scared by it. He had a listen said all was fine and not to worry. Over the next few months i noticed that i was increasinly tired but restless and worried about it, continually checking my pulse and hearing/feeling my pulse - particularly at night when i would notice skipped or extra beats and the odd fluttery sensation together with hot and cold flushes, muscle aches, particularly in my back, shoulders and arms. I would also be a bit shakey and 'yawney'. again i returned to the doctors had a general check up bloods/urine/ ECG & 24 hr ECG. didn't find anything (of course i felt fine when being tested so assumed that they had missed something) generallly the only thing to comment on was a touch of bradycardia (slow heart - probably as i was quite fit). after about 3 years of feeling this way and burying it and trying to avoid anything that i perceived might trigger it or places i didn't want it to happen (crowds, cinemas, buses etc...) i did start on the road to recovery and had good periods where i was 'my old self' again and believed that it was probably all anxiety and panic. UNFORTUNATELY i then had an episode of atrial fibrilation (AF, where the top chambers of the heart flutter) and this was REALLY scary - very fast and irregular rhythm i was in hospital for 2 days etc... but it sorted itself out and. futher tests were done (echo & exercise ECG) and i was given a clean bill of health and told that 'these things happen' occasionaly. i was put on beta blockers (2.5mg bisoprolol) to stop the heart racing if i did go into AF again and i kind of got things back together. but i think underlying it all i really still didn't believe i was ok and that the doctors had missed something or not really taken it seriously, so the old health anxiety and panic resummed and has held a fairly firm grip on me on and off ever since. I am now begining to know myself a lot better and know that the opportunity to dwell on things is not a good thing (so i keep busy) but increasingly i can control things by recognising the early signs (tightening of throat, tiredness, light sensitivity and deperso
Stumbled accross this site yesterday and very glad that i did - like most (probably all) people living with panic & general/health anxiety i have found it so hard to believe that I'm not the only one. looking back i guess i've been prone to anxiety all my life, with a primary teacher even questioning the stories my mum would read me as i was at times 'a very worried little boy'. i recognise in myself that i am lucky/cursed with a vivid imagination, but it is only recently (8 years after my first full panic attack) that i have begun to belive that the physical manifestations of panic and anxiety aren't actually the symptoms of some underlying pathology that is going to snuff me out at any minute - i STILL don't always believe. Like most people here i have good days and bad days but reading the testamony of others is a real comfort. I don't meant that i take delight in the misery of others, only that in the knowledge that so many people share the same feelings/emotions/physical sensations that i do helps me to realise that i am not cracking up or that "it'd be just my luck to have some fantastically rare and therefore undiagnosed & exotic terminal complaint".
Anyway, not read this thought here yet (but bound to be here as there are SO many threads) but if you are new to this journey of getting to know yourself that we must all embark on to feel we're living whole lives again: remember that it can be helpful and empowering to claim ownership of yourself - warts and all
As an addition to my original post i should explain how i've been feeling (sorry new to this!). So i hope you're sitting comfortably......
It all stated on the way back from a graduation ceremony (1997 aged 24) - lovlely day but hot and tiring and a long drive. nearly home and started to feel very odd - hot, dizzy and a strange pounding heart rhythm - didn't last long (10 seconds) but it made me gasp for breath and have to stop the car. went to GP next day as i was a bit scared by it. He had a listen said all was fine and not to worry. Over the next few months i noticed that i was increasinly tired but restless and worried about it, continually checking my pulse and hearing/feeling my pulse - particularly at night when i would notice skipped or extra beats and the odd fluttery sensation together with hot and cold flushes, muscle aches, particularly in my back, shoulders and arms. I would also be a bit shakey and 'yawney'. again i returned to the doctors had a general check up bloods/urine/ ECG & 24 hr ECG. didn't find anything (of course i felt fine when being tested so assumed that they had missed something) generallly the only thing to comment on was a touch of bradycardia (slow heart - probably as i was quite fit). after about 3 years of feeling this way and burying it and trying to avoid anything that i perceived might trigger it or places i didn't want it to happen (crowds, cinemas, buses etc...) i did start on the road to recovery and had good periods where i was 'my old self' again and believed that it was probably all anxiety and panic. UNFORTUNATELY i then had an episode of atrial fibrilation (AF, where the top chambers of the heart flutter) and this was REALLY scary - very fast and irregular rhythm i was in hospital for 2 days etc... but it sorted itself out and. futher tests were done (echo & exercise ECG) and i was given a clean bill of health and told that 'these things happen' occasionaly. i was put on beta blockers (2.5mg bisoprolol) to stop the heart racing if i did go into AF again and i kind of got things back together. but i think underlying it all i really still didn't believe i was ok and that the doctors had missed something or not really taken it seriously, so the old health anxiety and panic resummed and has held a fairly firm grip on me on and off ever since. I am now begining to know myself a lot better and know that the opportunity to dwell on things is not a good thing (so i keep busy) but increasingly i can control things by recognising the early signs (tightening of throat, tiredness, light sensitivity and deperso