connecting to people?

[dave11282]

hi all

i have had PTSD for over 20 years from life threatening motorcycle accident when I was 18.

It has become clear to me that I have issue connecting to friends, family, and partners all my life. I have never been able to cope with emotions, I have felt numb all my life, and conversely at times hyper sensitive and over reactive.

Consquences are years of loneliness and disconnection from the world. Drug and alcohol abuse.

I just feel like a ghost walking this planet for the past 20 years in a constant state of fear


can you relate to this way of life?

[marie1974]

hi dave im sorry i cant help u with this but just wanted to say hang in there and there will b people here who will b able to help with this.

hugs to u xxxx

[Vanilla Sky]

Hi dave, im sorry i dont know much about ptsd but i kind of understand about the emotional thing about not being able to connect with anyone iv been there still go through phases of it suppose i always might so i know what you mean. Someone will read your thread and totally relate to it sorry i cant offer you any advice you will get loads of support on here paige x

[Lynnann]

Hi Dave,

What you are experiencing is normal for a PTSD sufferer, have you recieved any treatment? There are lots of different treatments that could help you.

As to understanding, totally, there are times when I feel so alone and seperate from the rest of the world but I guess I do that to myself as I distance myself to protect myself from future harm.

Lynnann

[eternally optimistic]

Hi Dave

I can relate totally, think I posted you before regarding this..

I too was involved in a RTA 20 years ago, there were three fatalities...

Although I have no recollection of the incident, I was completely traumatised by the whole episode that followed, years and years of it.

I was the lucky one who came out alive and I must be very thankful for that, but part of me, over the years that followed, wished I hadnt. Now 2 children and a husband later, I feel rather ashmed to say that, but its all part of PTSD.

Only help I got at the time, professionally, was my GP advising a family member that I should get angry with the situation. If only he knew. My up and down outbursts would normally have got me thrown out, I reckon. Thank god for a reasonable family..

Anyway, sorry, back to you.

Have you sought help recently in trying to get work out your feelings.

I had a 6 week CBT session with a counsellor and it did help. It wasnt
about the accident at all, it was about who'd I become since then. Although, I was desperate for the counsellling sessions to go on so that I could talk about it.

In many ways, because of the lack of memory, I am detached from the situation and I think that hasnt helped.

If you feel OK about seeking help from your GP as a starter, then you might find that they can offer you further support.

I relate to the fear factor thing, I think I play safe with life in many ways and thats not always good for you.

I REALLY do hope you find something to release your stress and anxiety.

Take care.

[dave11282]

thanks for all replies

Jay,

yep, think we have spoke before.
I have just come out of relationship. She had her faults, and could be very cold. But it also is clear to me that my symptoms of PTSD are still there. I over reacted, hyper sensitive, anger. I did make the mistake of going over my past too much with this person.

I have had CBT, NLP. Read countless self therapy books. Take supps (Omega3 , theanine, kava) . These all help , but not a cure.

I dont think I will ever settle, at 44, all I think of is running, living in a state of fear.

I once read that having chronic PTSD is like being stuck in a well. I almost thought that I had climbed out of this well a year or so ago, but I do not feel that way now. I feel like a ghost, whatever , whenever I try to connect to this world and others it alll goes **** shape.

I dont think it is meant to be . PTSD effects every part of you. The mark it leaves is life long.

I am not sure where to turn from here. I may just go travelling in new year, across Europe . Just a lost soul

[eternally optimistic]

Morning Dave

Sorry to hear about your recent relationship.

Are there any "self help" groups in your area, I was always a bit iffy about that type of thing, but I would love to go to one locally if it existed.

Your right, I think that part of you will always have the accident with you, but its how you deal with it now, that counts. If you think your running, can you try and stop doing that, maybe.

The travelling sounds a great idea, but if you think you're legging it for the wrong reasons, is it the right thing to do.

If you can, try not to beat yourself up about everything, I've done that for a past time and it just makes everything worse....

What from the PTSD is it that causes you the worst grief, is it the memories or how it has effected your personality. If you could start to work that out, then that would be good.

You say yourself "youve climbed out of this before" and you'll do it again.

Be kind to yourself and keep smiling.

C yah.

[dave11282]

Jay& others

thanks for support.

I am going to get through xmas, and then make some life changing decisions in Jan. Maybe travel across Spain or something.

I am so sick and tired of this curse, disease. Sick and tired of trying to connect.

[eternally optimistic]

Hi Dave

Your doing exams too,,,, you didnt mention that, more stress. GOOD LUCK.

If Im honest with you, Im quite envious of the travelling thing.
Id be alright if I could on a plane!!

That sounds really good. Dont see it necessarily as escapism but a life challenge.

J