Exhausted from the constant worry :(

[Anzie2008]

Hi All:)

I've had a bit of a bad weekend, and I'm basically looking for some reassurance. :hugs:

Just to fill you in; after a busy few months where I recovered from an operation & passed my driving test, I went away with my parents for a week and began suffering with horrible intrusive thoughts- most of which were centered around suicide. I've been suffering with these horrendous thoughts ever since and it's bothering me so much!:weep:
I have good & bad days, good and bad weeks... sometimes I can go a day or two without giving the thoughts too much attention, but when they take hold, they really take hold and I worry myself stupid. I fear going completely crazy & doing something stupid. I question myself all the time; "why am i having these thoughts?", "why am i worrying when everything I was worrying about previously (ie; operation) is over?", "am i really going to do this?" "do i want to do this?" :wacko: :weep:
It's awful. These thoughts are easily the most mentally draining thing I have ever been through in my life. As a result, when I do get these thoughts and find them lingering for longer than usual, I find my mood becomes very low, although I do not consider myself "depressed". Having always suffered with anxiety, I know from past experience that I do have "low" moments and that I can torture myself with worry- only to look back a few months later & think "why was i thinking that? That was so irrational".

My mood was really low this weekend. I felt edgy all weekend, very low in confidence, I didn't really feel like doing much. Even when I went horseriding on Saturday- which usually calms me down a lot- I felt more tense than usual!! :mad: It's so frustrating!!! I think the frustration is draining me so much, I spend so long getting angry with myself, questioning why I am suffering like this.
I don't like the moody me; I become very snappy and irritable and the more I realise how moody I'm being, the worse it gets. My parents haven't really got a clue what's going on, but if they do notice I'm quieter than usual, they question why and make it into such a big deal that I feel ashamed of myself!! I feel like I'm not allowed to be down when I'm with them, feel like I'm not allowed to have a moody day, even after everything that has happened.:unsure:
I feel so tired at the moment; physically and mentally. The last year has been one constant worry in every possible way. After a car crash/road traffic accident in September 2007, things just spiralled out of control. I literally feel I haven't stopped worrying since then, especially as I wound myself up about my operation in August of this year for almost 9 months beforehand.

I know that everything is sorted now. I feel physically fine. I just feel like the mental exhaustion has been so great the past year, I might never recover from it. That is ultimately what scares me. I don't want to spend the next year thinking about everything that has happened. I feel so drained. I want to fight the horrible intrusive thoughts & go on to battle the anxiety I've been left with, but I've got no energy! I just feel like I could sleep for ages and still be tired. I'm scared I'll never look at anything the same again, even if I do recover from the general anxiety and everything else.:scared15:

Sorry, I do realise this is a bit of a rant! I would be grateful for any replies, advice or experiences you could share with me.

Thanks so much, I really think writing it all out helps too :flowers: This forum is great!! xx

[Jan63]

Sorry to hear that you feel this way.:hugs: It's horrible isn't it.:weep:

Are you on any anti-depressants or anything? If not you should go to your doctor and see if he will put you on a mild antidepressant because it might help you.:hugs: I've just started taking Citalopram last week although it's too early to feel the benefits yet but I've heard a lot of good things about them.:)

[Diane O'Brien]

Hi Anzie

You have been through quite a lot in these last few months. Like you said u feel pyhsically fine but the mental exhaustion as well takes time to heal. Like Jan says maybe a trip to the doctors and some medication maybe what you need. Everyone needs a little help from time to time and in time you will feel better about things. Please sit down and talk to someone preferably your parents, you need support now hun and if they know exactly what is going through your mind I,m sure they will be supportive.

Don't ever be ashamed of the way u feel, time, somebody to chat to and loving care is what you need to heal, the mind needs to heal as well hun not just the physical side of you.

Take Care and keep in touch.


Diane xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[gtrgrl3369]

Wow honey you have had a time. Its no wonder your head is going. Try to remember though that these thoughts will go away as soon as you dont focus on them. Let them come and shut the door on them. They only have power if you let them. Try and find some ways to relax your mind and the rest will follow. Take care.

[STEPHYUNO]

Hi Honey, the first thing to say is that the kind of thoughts that you speak of are much more common than you may think, especially at this time of year, and generally are overcome. As one who has endured many such thoughts in my life I know it is the frustration and not really knowing why! that gets to you as much as anything. It could posibly be a backlash from all the worry and stress that yo u described, so instead of being glad that these things have been achieved you are paying a bit for all the worry and because of all those months your mind has got used to worrying and looking to the dark side of things.

I have every confidence that you will be stronger than ever soon, maybe speak to a doctor and get referred to a counselor, (this is just someone to talk with in complete confidence), but remember you are not alone and you will feel better, hugs Steph x

[Bexstar]

I have been suffering from intense thoughts. I got soo fed up thinking about them all day. I got soo weak and stressed. It will get better in time. I promise!

[Anzie2008]

Thanks for all your replies, this forum really does help :)

Not to jinx anything, but this week has been good so far!!! I've had two days where I've hardly suffered... alright I've had the odd moment or two during the day, but nowhere near as bad as I was before. It's amazing, feeling like this really makes me so happy.

It's so weird how you can be so down one minute, only to come back stronger and feeling happier than ever !! I just hope it continues as I've felt this way before, only to go on & have a relapse of some kind!

Thanks again anyway xx