PDA

View Full Version : AGAIN



sal
24-06-05, 00:00
I know at the moment my home life is going really well and i havent relied on a diazepam for quite a while now, i have even cut down on my drinking. But over the last four or five nights i have felt so down just like i felt before i had CBT and meds to help me. I know i have had the knowledge to help me through this but that didnt help me. I wasnt anxious at all, i just couldnt see the reason to fight it again if it came back full on.

I have had a lot of problems at work and i have confronted them today with tears but felt i maybe have moved forward and do feel slightly better.

I just got really scared as anxiety i do experience still from time to time but depression when the anxiety cant even hurt me scares the life out of me.

I am sorry that i havent replied to texts i have recieved and it is nothing personal but i havent wanted to talk at all. For typing on the forum you will all know i find this easy but tonight it isnt but i felt i needed to talk and get some feedback and to apologise to those that have needed my support.

It has scared me and i wont deny it and the thought of going back a year or so kills me. I know in my home life i am so lucky to have Simon and he has being great but work and problems with Sam at school have left me struggling and yet again i am scared. Yes i wont deny i am getting through it as we have to but that hurt and fear is still there and it has being so long that i have felt it that i can honestly say that i am scared. To go back to where i was is a nightmare and i will try not to after i have done so well but that fear at the moment wont leave my head.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.

Karen
24-06-05, 00:20
Hi Sal

Sorry to hear you are feeling so low at the moment. You have had a lot to cope with recently, what with events at work and if you are having problems with Sam at school too it is not surprising that it is getting on top of you.

However, you are such a strong person Sal and I know you CAN cope with all of this and come out the other side. Whatever happens you have learned too much to go back to where you were a year ago.

These blips do happen to everyone and it feels dreadful when experiencing them but you will pick yourself up and carry on again. This current low spell will pass.

You have someone very special in your life now in Simon, so let him help you. I am sure he wants to be supportive and help out in any way he can. You are not on your own anymore and you also have all of us here too.

Hope you soon start to feel better.



Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

LisaS
24-06-05, 09:23
hi Sal,
so sorry you are so scared and down at the moment, but as Karen so rightly said, it is a BLIP. dont see it as anything else.. from what you have been through it is only natural to be feeling like you are. it is normal to be down about this, you are not immune to feeling down.. its something you have to experience.. just accept it as normal and i promise you will pop out the other side.. please dont be scared.. we will support you.. you wont go back, like you said, you know too much now, whether you know it or not you wont go back.
big hugs,
lisa
xxx

"do not fear to hope...Each time we smell the autumn's dying scent, we know that primrose time will come again"

leo05
24-06-05, 12:30
hi sal sorry to hear you are feeling this bad i understand where you are coming from and want you to know i am here for you no matter what you also have my txt no and email addy so just contact me you will get through this remember that

take care love leanne xx [8D]

seh1980
24-06-05, 13:58
hi Sal,

So sorry to hear that things are getting difficult again. You have a lot going on so it is no wonder that you're feeling the consequences. Things like this normally have a way of sorting themselves out so I'm sure they will eventually. So sorry I haven't been in touch lately. Life has been pretty hectic with uni, etc but that's no excuse I know. Do let me know if you need a chat or just some company, ok?

Sarah :D

"Life is too important to take seriously" Corky Siegal

bluesparkle
24-06-05, 16:15
hi sal...
sorry to hear you are feeling down...
i know what its like when there is trouble with the kids/at school etc... and on top of everything else it just doesnt help... i hope it sorts itself out...
i can understand what you are saying about being afraid but you will get through this ... and you have someone really special to help you now... as well as us lot on here...
i hope things look/feel better soon..
thinking of you x

pips
24-06-05, 20:57
Sal hun,

So sorry you are feeling low hun I so know how you feel mate I get so scared out of my wits to.

You are doing so well and have come such a long way. Don't forget that I am so proud of you.

Your emotions are bound to git a grip of you at times and our inner strength gets a bit lost. I still get days when i cry and feel so low. You will feel better again and it will pass. Pamper yourself and keep telling yourself I will feel better soon.

I am always here for you honey 24/7 don't forget that.

I do hope you feel better soon.

Take good care.

Sending you a BIG POSITIVE HUGX X X X

Lots Love PIP'S X X

kairen
24-06-05, 21:10
Hi Sal hun

so sorry to here your feeling so bad, it's just a few bad days, you wont slip back your to strong for that even thought u prob dont feel it at the moment,
just keep telling yourself your strong you got through this once you can get through it again its just a blip,
you know we are here for you when you want,
take care hun, we miss you in the pub, your empty hammock just swinging in the wind xxxx big hug xxxx

kairen x

sal
24-06-05, 23:50
Thank you for all your replies, it has helped me loads.

I feel selfish that i got myself so down when i look at how well my life is going i had no excuse to feel like that.

Simon has being great and when i look back i guess that a big trigger point was that i was in court on Wednesday, a coroners court due to a inmate that comitted suicide over 2 years ago but we have to stand up and answer some pretty horrible questions and there is a jury there. I honestly didnt think it affected me and at court i got through it without my diazepam which shows i am alot stronger than i feel.

But like we all do i questioned how i felt and i worried. I went overboard and couldnt see why Simon loved me and i also wanted to be alone, but deep down i knew this time that someone was there for me and for the first time in my life i really didnt want to be alone. But my head told me i did, something i am used to and when you feel ill you push anyone away that cares. I didnt push him away but went to bed early and although i didnt tell him not that i couldnt i was just too tired to go into how i felt and he sensed that and put Sam in bed with me and he slept in Sams bed. I know i couldnt have hit gold any better that if i had tried and he will always support me but dont we all get scared when we feel it has come back full on as i know it did me.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.

Meg
25-06-05, 07:27
Sal ,

You're quite right really not to be try to fully rely on Simon as its still so early in the relationship but as time goes by and situations arise and he continues to show this fantastic level of support your inner confidence will change to include him more.

You'll find your blips are less intense and shorter and will dwindle.

The triggers were definately there and pretty intense ones too..

Hope its passing now

Love

Meg

alexis
25-06-05, 12:31
Hi Sal, just to say thinking about you, hope you are feeling better. Love Alexis,x

nomorepanic
25-06-05, 18:09
Sal

Just catching up on posts.

Hope you are feeling a bit better now? Will chat over the weekend ok.

xx

Nicola

"Nearly all happiness comes into our lives through doors we don't even remember leaving open"

Karen
25-06-05, 20:05
Hi Sal

How lovely that Simon was there for you and has been so supportive. You are not alone now, although it is natural to want to cope alone as this is what you are used to.

I hope you are feeling a bit better today.


Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

alexis
26-06-05, 01:23
Hi Sal, how are you feeling now.
I dont think you should feel selfish about feeling bad, yes you are lucky having Simon but you have also had a lot of other problems to face.
i have a husband of 24years who has been extremely good to me but I still have "this".
I am the same pushing people who care, away from me, if I was married to me I would have gone ages ago!!!
Today I havent been able to get on with anyone, not even myself and my hubby just kept following me around and leaving me a glass of water or a cup of tea every few hours wherever I was.
This shows we have caring partners but still cannot help the way we feel, we are not like this through choice.
I do not think (and hope)we will ever go back to square one, but everytime I blip it feels like it for a few days.
I hope you are feeling a bit better. we dont have long till the meetup to get our a$%es into gear, take care Sal, dont forget to text, love Alexis,x

sal
26-06-05, 01:55
Thank you for your replies and you know i appreciate it. For some reason this isnt going away and i hate how i feel. I dont feel anxious about how i feel i just feel so down and that i cant get away from how i feel. I know i am not back to square one but these feelings are pretty close to how i felt and it is scaring me.

Dare i say i cope with anxiety, i know i dont but feeling this desperate i dont know what i can cope with. I am scared and dont want to have to go through this all again.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.

alexis
26-06-05, 02:02
O Sal, I am so sorry you feel like this wish I could help.It is scarey, I find this whole thing scarey.If there is anything at all I can do just let me know, take care Sal, Love Alexis,x

alexis
26-06-05, 09:43
Hi Sal, how do you feel today? thinking of you, love Alexis,x

kairen
26-06-05, 21:36
Hi Sal,

hope your feeling a bit better
Take care hun xxx

kairen x

sal
26-06-05, 23:50
Thanks for your posts Alexis and Kairen. How i feel hasnt gone but i know deep down that i have to fight this and i wony go back to where i was.

Cant even pin point why i feel so bad but there has being a lot going on as usual. But on the plus side have talked to Sam and although i dont understand why she doesnt want to see her dad i think the reason is getting closer and from then we can sort it out. It does upset me she doesnt want to see him but i wont force her at all and as long as i know how she feels i will sort child care out around her

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.

alexis
27-06-05, 01:21
Hi Sal, Iknow you are strong enough to do the fighting you need to.You will not go back you are right.
it is not always easy to pinpoint your feelings, Children are one of the hardest things in life too, believe you me after getting mine into adult hood I still spend a lot of time looking back on them.
I hope you are feeling a bit better and a bit stronger as each day goes on, take care, Love Alexis,x

leo05
27-06-05, 17:15
hi sal thinking of you everyday pray for you too
here for you if you need to talk


you will get through this you are a strong and loving person
take care love leanne xXx (leo05)

kairen
27-06-05, 18:31
Hi Sal,

You wont slip back cos we are here to bug you and make sure you are ok,
Like you say you cant force her maybe in time she will change her mind once she knows she wont be made to go,
your doing all the right things hun,

big hug xxx


kairen x

jill
27-06-05, 18:34
Hi Sal,

Sooo sorry to hear how you are feeling.
My heart and my thoughts are with you Sal.
There is a saying, not sure where I heard it but I think it's TRUE.
"Life only throws as much at us as we can handle"
You are strong Sal. You Can get through this.

THINKING OF YOU

WISHING YOU WELL

LOVE JILLXXX

alexis
27-06-05, 18:45
Hi Sal, hows your day been? love Alexis,x

henri
27-06-05, 19:25
hi sal,
sorry i've only just caught up with this thread, haven't logged on for a week or so.
i'm so sorry you are having a hard time at the moment. you have had a lot to deal with so it's not surprising that you are hitting rough patches.
but you can get through it. i am sure you will not go back to square one, you are so strong and it is a huge achievement to be getting along without your diazepam.
take care now,
henri x