Hi I'm new!

[rosduk]

Hi everyone,

I'm Anna, a new member. I have struggling with panic attacks on and off for 3 years now. I say on and off as I managed to shake them after the first year through CBT and some very hard emotional work but a stressful year has brought them back and seem to be alot worse.

It all started with just panic attacks although now I have awful health anxiety and more recently cannot be left alone. I am spending one or two nights at least alone each week at the moment and spend the whole time terrified to the pit of my stomach. Even when someone is in the house I have sometimes even feared going into a bathroom on my own incase i faint or die...

What frustrates me the most is when I am rational I am aware of the process that is happening within my body, the flight or fight, how this all works and yet when I am having a panic attack I forget it all and every one I have is getting that bit more frightening, especially as I am avoiding situations that have made me panic before.
I hate leaving the house, I always make myself leave as I have to, not only to work but otherwise I would never ever leave -often panicking at work and having to fight back all the terror and tears that are building up each day.

I am currently taking diazepam on a random basis when i need it. Never more than 2mg at a time and not every day - although I cant seem to go to work without taking one at the moment. I have been given citralopram to start on but I am worried it will make me feel worse and panic more than I already do as I need to work to live!

Anyway, seeing other peoples experiences does give me some relief as I am often terrified that I am going nuts. It seems strange to me that not a day goes by that I think I will die from panic sypmtoms and yet I have panicked every day for the last year and survived! :wacko:

xxx

[Sherboha]

Hey Anna, i'm Hannah. Whatever you do - DON'T THINK YOU'RE GOING NUTS! You're not, don't worry. If you want to, feel free to message me caus i'm a newbie to this forum too.

Hope to speak to you more
Hannah

[sunshine-lady]

Hi Anna,
:welcome: to NMP. I think you will like it here as people are very supportive and there is a lot of information.

Hope to see you in chat

[alias_kev]

Hi Anna, welcome aboard. There are plenty of fellow sufferers here. Some offer support or chat while others offer up advice.

Its good that CBT helped you before and that you fight your fear/phobia of going out. It may be that CBT would help you again but that you've got mentally rusty! Also the health fear is new and so thats a new way for the anxiety to attack you - a different set of "irrational thoughts".

From what I see here Health Anxiety and Panic Attacks are both very aggressive and you've done well to "fight them alone". Its too easy to say but you need to focus on how many times you have actually been well, how many nights you have not collapsed or anything. The two problems combined are really mean but remember all the books say that Panic cannot actually hurt you. Now matter how ill it makes you feel its kind of like a whole body workout. It can only be dodgy if you have some physical condition (mainly heart) that is pretty easy to be checked for AND if you've had attacks for a year its not unreasonable to assume that your heart is actually pretty tough.

My daughter spent 18 months or so suffering from one of the Syncope conditions (extreme fainting) and really could faint spontaneously four days a week. If you had something like that you really would know it by now. In all that time all the collapses did was give her some headaches and quite a few bruises and cost her a year of school. Even when she fainted on school stairs she suffered no serious injury. So in that sense I can say from experience that even if you do faint you are not too likely to do yourself serious harm in any normal situation.

I do realise that the fear you suffer is terrible and I'm not trying to say you are silly. You said yourself the fears are clearly stupid and wrong BUT very real. I just wanted to reassure you that the fear you have is very divorced from any real risks.

Once again welcome and do read and talk on here. It will help you.

[Patty]

Hi Anna,:)

:welcome: to NMP. It's great that you've joined. There is so much information & help here.

Best wishes xx :hugs:

[rosduk]

Thanks everyone I can see everyone seems to helpful.
I look forward to chatting with you all soon xxxx