my mum makes me very anxious

[littlemoomin]

Hiya

I have posted a few months back, and finally I am beginning to get my life back after anxiety period of anxious dark intrusive thoughts... I have also weaned myself off citalopram, which is making me a bit wobbly but I am happy about the choice to come off...

Anyway to cut along story short I am very anxious about my relationship with my mother. It has always been unhealthy. Here's why.


She is a control freak, likes to always be right ( so impossible to have rational discussion or argument with)
She acts like a child, lacks social skills and is a permanent 'victim'
She answers the phone with one word answers and says ' what do you want?' but wonders why I avoid ringing
She is quite nasty, always verbally abused me as a teenage ( calling me a nast bit** and accusing me of having an attitude) when I was actually quite a nice teenager, alway getting barrages of abuse
A silly fall out would last a month with her ignoring me ( of course I always had to 'apologise' on my dad's advice to keep the peace)Basically I am a 28 year old woman with a successful relationship and lots of nice friends but she makes my life very difficult. I have to make the decision to go to hers for xmas ( oh she is also SO lacking in insight if she read this she would deny everythng). I dont want to go, I would rather eat poo, but I am guilt ridden for upsetting the family. ( My family do not talk about anything emotional- whereas I do)

I would say that my upbringing with her has triggered my anxiety problem ( oh she told me I was a drama queen when I told her I was on anti depressants- thats really not what you should say to someone is it?)

At my wits end
Havent phoned her for a month, avoiding it. Dad texted me to ask why I hadnt rang ( isnt it obvious!!)

Help me! She makes me feel sick with worry.... :-( xxxx

[Cathy V]

Sounds like a clash of personalities, in the way you say you and she were/are always arguing. I think the very nature of an argument is that both sides disagree! Each wants their own point heard. If you are both strong personalities its not easy to see each other's point of view.

Sorry to hear that you were verbally abused though, it must have been hard to hear it. I would never call my daughter names like that, although I have accused her of having an attitude problem in the past. Often young people dont want to hear that though.

You've listed her bad points, but do you think she has any good points? might help you to list them too. Maybe she's not all bad. But if she really is an awful mum, then it might be better for your health if you didnt have her in your life. Have a chat to your dad and tell him how you feel about your mum. You're 28, old enough to do whats best for you and your partner and if you don't want to spend christmas with your mother, then don't. Live your life for you, and try to stop putting the feelings of others before your own.

Best wishes
Cathy xxx

[helen_1]

i know how u feel my mum is similar she likes to tell me what to do and tells me how to bring up my kids when im ill she always has to be worse shes always in a bad mood and like you she ignors me when we have a argument and she always have to be right and im wrong even when im right it doesnt help that i live across the road from her so she thinks she can wrap me round her little finger but i do love her considering what shes like but my stress levels go right up when shes visiting me

[bottleblond]

Sounds like she was the child in this relationship and you were the mother.

It must have been so awful for you hun. If i was you, i'd take a stand and tell her NO MORE. To be honest with you, I wouldn't call my mother either if she answered the phone like that because it's rude and degrading to be spoken to like that.

I hope things improve for you

Love Lisa
xx
:flowers: