View Full Version : YES
- you can do it!
- you are not alone
- you ARE normal
- you will get better
- you are amazing and strong :)
(edited to avoid upset)
Oh dear I've come across the wrong way it seems.
Yes it is good to not feel alone, that much I agree on, particularly for someone new to it.
I've had bad depersonalisation pretty much constantly for the last 3 years and until a few months ago really did not understand it at all.
What I was trying to achieve was to perhaps reach out to people who are at the stage I was, i.e. on the brink of dismissing all symptoms as being down to anxiety and not ruminating on any of them particularly.
I did not meant to diss the forum as such.
Apologies for any offence caused!
Forums like this help people to realise that their issues/pain etc are not them going mad but something that is often commonly shared by others.
Yes some people may well dwell on their issues. They'd do that without a forum. BUT the majority of people use the information on here for ideas and approaches on how to tackle their anxiety. Along the way you may make good friends who can help prop you up when you hit a hurdle or have a bad day. What is wrong with that?
Forums are not for everyone - but just cos' you don't like it do not run it down for those of us who are able to use it as a positive to enhance their lives and not sit there feeling sorry for ourselves.
You are right there is no magic cure, it's hard work, patience and acceptance. But nice to get myself better with some understanding support than be all lonely.
:shades: Well done for correcting yourself pippage, shall we leave this thread here so people don't misinterpret your meaning.
It has definately been read as rather abrupt and lacks sensitivity so rather than cause arguments maybe best left here.
:whistles: :whistles:
Our posts crossed Pippage - but from your inital post I still stick by what I put.
bottleblond
12-12-08, 14:33
Pip
This site was designed FOR people who suffer from aniexy and anxiety related problems. It also enables people to offer advice to other sufferers, to make friends and share experiences. So why you have chose to post that sort of message here is beyond me.
Please refrain from doing this as you are upsetting our members.
Lisa
NMP Administrator
That is a good point about the people that would dwell would do it anyway with or without forums actually.
It's not lacking sensitivity, actually the complete opposite that it really pains me to see people suffer so much and I just worry that people get too reliant on these places. Rather than doing things that would be more helpful? I know only too well how easy it is to spend hours on the PC looking for answers!
Pip
This site was designed FOR people who suffer from aniexy and anxiety related problems. It also enables people to offer advice to other sufferers, to make friends and share experiences. So why you have chose to post that sort of message here is beyond me.
Please refrain from doing this as you are upsetting our members.
Lisa
NMP Administrator
Perhaps because I think it may actually help some people?
Upsetting? It is only an opinion, I have not insulted or abused anyone. noone has to read it or pay any attention to me at all. But if it even helps one person then that is enough for me.
As I said, I have bad anxiety/depersonalisation myself so the last thing I am going to want to do is upset anyone else who has it.
I think the site is excellent, it's just forums that sometimes make me think 'erk that's not constructive is it?' ..........but I guess if people haven't got any other support then it is helpful.
I can be a bit headstrong sometimes so again apologies if I do upset anyone.
..I honestly believe that spending too much time on forums focusing on your symptoms can surely only hinder you and cultivate more anxiety.
............... It's taken me 3 years to get here and I don't intend to waste another 3 worrying about it!
I think this is a belief we don't really need to hear and if this is your opinion i'm unsure why you are still here. :unsure:
If I were you Pippage - I'd drop this topic of conversation I have a sneaky feeling it will not get you far ( but that is just my opinion so no need to pay attention..)
If I were you Pippage - I'd drop this topic of conversation I have a sneaky feeling it will not get you far ( but that is just my opinion so no need to pay attention..)
;) it depends how dogmatic people are going to be.
Sax: I said 'too much time' not 'any time at all'
I am only saying what all the books and people who have recovered say, which is to accept and not dwell on individual symptoms. Support is all good but where is the line?
I don't mind being disagreed with but there is no need to get nasty, Sax, as if you have to have a certain mindset to actually be a sufferer, or as if there is only one way to support people.
I don't always come across as I mean to but my intentions are good. And I don't think it does anyone any harm to hear a different point of view.
;) it depends how dogmatic people are going to be.
............. but there is no need to get nasty, Sax, as if you have to have a certain mindset to actually be a sufferer, or as if there is only one way to support people.
I don't always come across as I mean to but my intentions are good. And I don't think it does anyone any harm to hear a different point of view.
er when did I get nasty??????????????
I feel this thread will kick off so asked for it to be left, it hasn't so I also added it seems a strange comment to make!!!!!!:doh:
Oh sorry I read it as being a bit derogatory but perhaps just me. I am not kicking off I just don't see what the problem is with having a different approach and sharing an opinion. I haven't been rude or horrible to anyone, in fact I have tried to make amends for coming across abrupt. Are you only allowed on this forum if you think a certain way about anxiety and how to deal with it?
bottleblond
12-12-08, 14:58
Pip
Just because people use NMP and find the site helpfull, Pray tell how that is 'dwelling on it'? I am baffled.
I have agoraphobia/anxiety/panic attacks YET i have started going out again.
I have so many lovely friends on this site.
I work on this site.
I spend hours on here every day.
BUT
I still keep a clean home. Look after my child. Go out every day. See my friends, infact my life is getting better and better.
So if that is 'dwelling on it' then dwell on it i will
Lisa
Pip
Just because people use NMP and find the site helpfull, Pray tell how that is 'dwelling on it'? I am baffled.
I have agoraphobia/anxiety/panic attacks YET i have started going out again.
I have so many lovely friends on this site.
I work on this site.
I spend hours on here every day.
BUT
I still keep a clean home. Look after my child. Go out every day. See my friends, infact my life is getting better and better.
So if that is 'dwelling on it' then dwell on it i will
Lisa
Good for you, that is excellent :) I was agoraphobic for about 6 months at the beginning. Now I go to work every day, I decorated my house from top to bottom, go to yoga twice a week etc. But some do spend too much time focusing on it. I know, I used to trawl the internet every day looking for a magic cure and it didn't do me any good. Just trying to save someone a lot of time and energy :whistles: :doh:
Unfortunately Pippa, the very people who would have written replies agreeing with you are not around to say so...because they've all had their own light-bulb moment and left. So you are bound to get more replies disagreeing with you, because the people who are on the forum at the moment obviously want to be here. Id give up now if i were you :D
Take care
Cath xxx
True, but you never know someone might read it and have a lightbulb moment all of their own, (that has put the best image in my head :) ) so I would take all the argument/criticism in the world for that.
I pop in as I am often stuck with not much to do at work and hope I might help someone somewhere along the line.
But if I ever say 'Pull yourself together' please can someone come and shoot me in the head :doh:
honeybee3939
12-12-08, 15:15
a lightbulb moment
Wish it would have been as simple as that ! gosh 15 years and all it needed was a lightbulb momemt !lol i Wish:)
Ps .i wish i had a job like that where i could just pop on to fill my time!
Andrea
xxxxx
Well now thats upset me, the idea that you are bored at work so you 'pop in' to the forum and stir things up a bit? So, this little debate filled in an afternoon for you then?
If people are going to twist what I say all the time to the worst possible scenario then what is the earthly point. As I said my only intention is to try and help someone somewhere along the line. I am quite insulted that you've insinuated that after I have tried to explain. I would have thought people would be a bit more sympathetic to finding it difficult to express what you mean when depersonalised and foggy headed.
Honeybee - that has made me giggle, re: the lightbulbs, I wish it was that simple too ;)
I looked through the internet and stopped once I found this fantastic site.
I was housebound, very lonely and confused. I was, at the time seeing a psychatrist who just dished out the pills. All my friends, except one, deserted me.
What did I find on this site? People that had been where I were and gave me some very good advice. Just to putting my key and turning it a few times at a time to make me realise that I would be able to get back into my house. Nic's driving phobia posts were a God send as I also developed a driving phobia.
With the help of the people on this site, and CBT therapy I can now get out and about even though I am still restricted to how I used to be before I became agoraphobic.
I still come on this site every day. People are at all different stages and the people that are overcoming their illnesses can now give advice to them. Where would this site be if there was no one to help others who are suffering really bad.
I am with Cathy - to say you came on this site because you were bored at work is insulting to all of us. I would presume that there is no one on this site who are neglecting their household duties or their children.
You have surely hit a raw nerve.
Sheena
Ummmm actually originally I came on it for help. This reverse snobbery, where you have to be a certain way to be on here, is quite horrible and not what I expected from people who I would have thought might be a bit open minded. Where, ON EARTH did I say that anyone was neglecting their household duties/children??
I have suffered REALLY badly for 3 years, at one point I felt like just a pair of eyes looking out of a body. I am only trying to help people the same as anyone else.
Yes I am bored at work, but that is not WHY I come on here, I meant it is quiet so I can come on here and so I do to see if I can help anyone. You said yourself 'Where would this site be if there was no one to help others who are suffering really bad.'
Well that is what I am trying to do.
I didn't actually see a rule list that said you couldn't come on here if you had a quiet patch at work, or any other specifications as to what sort of person you have to be.
You know, what actually made me think about writing the post, was when my mother turned round to me and said she had no more sympathy to give me, it had been 3 years and I was dragging it out, and that I was too full of self pity and just needed to accept it and get on with things and stop looking everything up on the internet. I am not saying she is right. But it made me think as she went through very similar at my age and they didn't even HAVE the internet then, she was poor and HAD to go to work every day and get on with life, with no internet for support or to look things up on.
Again, I am not saying that is the answer at all, but it is just something to think about and another point of view, and I really don't see the harm in it. You can't shelter people and say 'oh you mustn't say this to them' etc, it's just not realistic and surely what we all need is to keep realistic???
I am not trying to put anyone down or be horrible, I just have a point of view I want to put across and maybe discuss. I am 200% sympathetic to all of you and think anyone who deals with anxiety is amazing and so strong.
..........is the answer to all your questions about whether a symptom is anxiety.
Put it in the anxiety hat and go do something else!
I honestly believe that spending too much time on forums focusing on your symptoms can surely only hinder you and cultivate more anxiety.
And please don't go 'oh you can't be suffering as much as us' because trust me I have in the past and still am, just have reached the point where I concede there are no answers, no magic cure, just patience rest and understanding. It's taken me 3 years to get here and I don't intend to waste another 3 worrying about it!
(edit: I am not trying to diss the forum itself, there are certainly uses to not feeling alone and getting reassurance to some extent!)
Hehe, now there was a time not so long ago when I would have agreed with a lot of what you have said. However, I have recently discovered (to my horror and also relief) that, having finally resigned myself to being bonkers after 3 years of this cr4p, having had to accept that it was all in my head, I have just been diagnosed with a medical condition that most likely caused the whole shebang. How do I feel about that? Well, pretty p1ssed off that I was led to believe that all my symptoms were caused by anxiety when they clearly weren't. Apparently, some illnesses take a long time to be diagnosed, for a variety of cr4ppy and fairly lame reasons. Blaming everything on anxiety is an easy way out and, frankly, not very scientific.
Suffice to say that I don't recommend that ANYONE sit back and accept anxiety as a diagnosis if they feel that there is more to it than that.
I don't come on here much these days, and I do know that forums can be counterproductive sometimes, but people know their own minds and can decide for themselves when that time comes. That bit isn't rocket science, is it. :winks:
So by your reckoning, people should get seen by the doc for every symptom, and not bother with the net at all?
What annoys me about your original ( but oh look you've removed it) post is that you join and instantly make a wide sweeping generalisation that we are all sat here glued to the forum in a "doom and gloom woe is me" frame of mind.
Before making sweeping generalisations about people whom you do not know - get checking the site out. You will find we all very diverse on here. And people have really fought hard to get their lives on track, some with success, some not so successful. Thank my lucky stars I'm on the successful track (for now at least)
This pop psychology you posted is patronising and naive.
Er yes I removed it because it obviously upset people. And as I've said that is not my aim.
Thanks for being so derogatory about my opinion, you really are an open minded bunch :/
Only trying to share what I have learnt over the years. You seem to be assuming I've not suffered at all. I have in no way just joined and instantly made a generalisation. I found the symptoms page really useful and joined the forum last week. I have been on dpselfhelp.com for over a year so I knew the gist and have developed today's opinion over the last 3 years. I myself have fought f**king hard to get where I am now. You are making a generalisation yourself in what you say about me and what I am trying to do and also why. :(
honeybee3939
12-12-08, 16:25
but people know their own minds and can decide for themselves when that time comes. That bit isn't rocket science, is it. :winks:
I totally agree!
we all have choices and dont need others telling us what to do, everyone is different when it comes to anxiety and has i have said in my previous post i could not have got to where i am today if it wasnt for this site. I have been a member of this site for allmost 3 years now and to be honest in the years before that when i suffered real bad if this site had been available then im sure i wouldnt have suffered as long as i did.
I had all the "pull yourself togeather" from people too but believe me it wasnt as simple as that.
Pip im real pleased that you have made a good recovery hun, thats wonderfull:yesyes: . but you have to realise that what works for one dosnt always work for another.
Im suffering with health problems too now because of my agorophobia all those years not going out and getting no exercise is taking its toll. High blood pressure, high Cholestrol and overweight(but im woking on that now). i just wish i had found this site in the early stages then it wouldnt have lasted so long.
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxxx
I understand what you're saying Pippage and it's actually helped me work something out.
When I first joined this site I had no idea what was wrong with me, then I doubted that it was 'just' anxiety and panic attacks, then I spent hours and hours reading other peoples stories and identifying.
I'm so grateful for this site but I'm now at the point where I can't really find out any more information which is relevent to me, so this must be the best time to get back out there and start living a happy life again....with or without anxiety.
When I feel like I've really made progress I'll most definitely come back and help others if I can though.
Claire x
Er yes I removed it because it obviously upset people. And as I've said that is not my aim.
Thanks for being so derogatory about my opinion, you really are an open minded bunch :/
Only trying to share what I have learnt over the years. You seem to be assuming I've not suffered at all. I have in no way just joined and instantly made a generalisation. I found the symptoms page really useful and joined the forum last week. I have been on dpselfhelp.com for over a year so I knew the gist and have developed today's opinion over the last 3 years. I myself have fought f**king hard to get where I am now. You are making a generalisation yourself in what you say about me and what I am trying to do and also why. :(
Well why did you make that generalisation about the forum and it's users?
I've said very little about you as a person only your post.
honeybee: it came out wrong, I was trying to be positive not tell people what to do per se. And I would NEVER tell anyone to 'pull themself together' or akin to that. I KNOW it's not as simple as that, I HAVEN'T recovered I am still DP 3 years in, but just had a change in attitude towards it of late.
It's quite upsetting how hostile people are being tbh, over a mistake which I already tried to put right and tried to explain, which isn't easy for me due to a foggy head. Not what I would expect from a supportive forum to be honest :S ;S
tracy.splosh
12-12-08, 16:32
:blush: UUMMM
Am i being thick as i have just logged on, but cant find what all the fuss is about. The first post seems rather positive to me:huh:
Tracy x
Well why did you make that generalisation about the forum and it's users?
I've said very little about you as a person only your post.
Again, I was only hoping to help someone, not trying to upset anyone. I didn't intend to generalise at all, but what I said I still believe applies to some. But you can't only post to some people and not others can you! I'd have thought those that felt it didn't apply would just ignore it.
I perhaps got a bit confuzzled, thought there would be more understanding of that.
I understand what you're saying Pippage and it's actually helped me work something out.
When I first joined this site I had no idea what was wrong with me, then I doubted that it was 'just' anxiety and panic attacks, then I spent hours and hours reading other peoples stories and identifying.
I'm so grateful for this site but I'm now at the point where I can't really find out any more information which is relevent to me, so this must be the best time to get back out there and start living a happy life again....with or without anxiety.
When I feel like I've really made progress I'll most definitely come back and help others if I can though.
Claire x
Thankyou! Someone understands me yay :)
Good luck and hope to hear positivity from you soon!
So by your reckoning, people should get seen by the doc for every symptom, and not bother with the net at all?
Not sure how you draw that conclusion. I was just pointing out that, having been forced into that "acceptance" mindset myself until recently, you should consider the possibility that you may not be at the end of your own journey yet.
We all want a tidy resolution to our problems. It's human nature. Some seek a "cure", some seek the underlying reason. Some, like you, no longer seek anything and look forward. There is no telling who is right - people have to find their own way, don't they. We all just have to be sure to respect eachother's choices. So let's all chill - group hug anyone?? :-)
Not sure how you draw that conclusion. I was just pointing out that, having been forced into that "acceptance" mindset myself until recently, you should consider the possibility that you may not be at the end of your own journey yet.
We all want a tidy resolution to our problems. It's human nature. Some seek a "cure", some seek the underlying reason. Some, like you, no longer seek anything and look forward. There is no telling who is right - people have to find their own way, don't they. We all just have to be sure to respect eachother's choices. So let's all chill - group hug anyone?? :-)
Lol, sure. hugs make the world go round! (((((((((everyone))))))))))))) :) - I misconstrued what you wrote, I do that a lot , if anyone hadn't noticed ;) I thought you were saying you should check things out as they may not be anxiety/dp but you'd probably live at the docs then hey! But what you say does make sense :0)
I think I need to get used to this forum a bit more, check this one out on dpselfhelp, I might not seem so bad then!!
http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=28&t=17256
You are getting a hard time Pippage but it is this forum is supportive of its members. You have to surely see we will defend the forum when a new person appears and says being on here is not helping us etc... Therefore we will be hostile if a newbie wades in with comments that people consider to be not particulary nice.
I personally feel what you said was patronising and not at all helpful to someone in distress.
People have been on here previously with similiar messages of 'get a grip'. It's laughable to be honest and something I would rise above usually but today's been an emotive one for me so I felt like coming out for a 'debate'.
You say it was a mistake and you've a foggy head today. Can I assume that you did it with a good heart and good intentions but somehow in your original post the words didn't come out as you intended?
If so then I hold out an olive branch to you.... This is a place that does welcome people. It welcomed me when I had my break down 2 yrs ago with open arms and helped to put me back together again.
:blush: UUMMM
Am i being thick as i have just logged on, but cant find what all the fuss is about. The first post seems rather positive to me:huh:
Tracy x
The original post was removed. You've missed the hoo-hah !
bottleblond
12-12-08, 16:43
Tracy
The original post was Edited by the thread owner which is why you won't be able to see where the issue came from.
Lisa
x
You are getting a hard time Pippage but it is this forum is supportive of its members. You have to surely see we will defend the forum when a new person appears and says being on here is not helping us etc... Therefore we will be hostile if a newbie wades in with comments that people consider to be not particulary nice.
I personally feel what you said was patronising and not at all helpful to someone in distress.
People have been on here previously with similiar messages of 'get a grip'. It's laughable to be honest and something I would rise above usually but today's been an emotive one for me so I felt like coming out for a 'debate'.
You say it was a mistake and you've a foggy head today. Can I assume that you did it with a good heart and good intentions but somehow in your original post the words didn't come out as you intended?
If so then I hold out an olive branch to you.... This is a place that does welcome people. It welcomed me when I had my break down 2 yrs ago with open arms and helped to put me back together again.
That is exactly it! Join the group hug? :)
:winks: Yeah go on... Life is too damn short to be chipping away at each other.
Hope to see you round the forum Pippage. There are some fun topics on here too :D . It's not all brawling. And thanks for being the 'bigger' person. I'd have probably stuck my heels in and refused to budge !
Hah yes there is a bit of me that wanted to, I think that is just human nature!
Hugs and tea all round :D
tracy.splosh
12-12-08, 17:26
well very interesting eh! Come on one and all its nearly CHRISTMAS FGS!
Tracy
honeybee3939
12-12-08, 17:32
:bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1:
Andrea
xxxxx
Hello Pippage
I didn't feel the need to look up your link. I think your intentions were genuine from the start. I notice your original post has gone. I didn't have a problem with your input on this site.
cheerio
Julia
Have now deleted my replies here, since the origional message has been changed, which means replies now don't make any sense...:lac:
tracy.splosh
12-12-08, 20:47
Youre right Cathy about deleting your replies, as when i came in and read the thread, i could not understand what the heck was going on. In hindsight it is probably better not to change posts as it can look like other members are being spiteful, and probably theyre not. Anyway, it looks like its all been sorted now.
Love Tracy x x x x
Diane O'Brien
12-12-08, 21:55
I have been reading these threads and am now losing the will to live. Happy Christmas to u all and wish u a peaceful New Year.:scared15: :scared15: :scared15: :scared15: :doh:
Diane xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxx
Surely this thread has gone on long enough now? If people want to post and ask questions, then thats what the site is for. If they want to spend hours on it, looking or posting then thats up to them. If they don't want to as its not doing them any good, then don't go on it? At the end of the day reassurance and internet trauling is part of anxiety? Everyone sees things in different ways. What helps one, may not help another.
So hey, its xmas soon, maybe this thread should be ended?
Just realized the thread has been sorted LOL........... Whoops. Forget I said anything, or it will all start up again.
HAPPY XMAS ONE AND ALL xxx
Why do people join a thread 3 pages in, who have had nothing to do with it in the first place, know nothing about why it started, know nothing about the people it has upset, and then proceed to try and stop it?
Yes its nearly christmas. Yes we wish we could do without these silly threads that some people think are clever when they start them, but sorry, just because christmas is around the corner doesnt mean goodwill should also extend to people who are being mean on the forum.
If you weren't in at the beginning and don't really know whats gone on, then please don't keep coming on and trying to shut up the people who have been affected by it....ok? Take your own advise and stay away from it...you're making it worse not better. And you have all been part of threads in this way yourselves, when you've had strong opposing opinions about something someone has said.
So please respect the people on this thread that might have been upset by it and allow them to address the content of the origional post. Thanks.
I never intended to be mean to anyone. As I have already said. I am sorry if it has.
I've been big enough to apologise, most people have been big enough to forgive.
I would like to retract what I said about forums. I was mainly going on past experience which is wrong because I now see this forum has a very different angle. Which I should have realised, having seen the rest of the site which I think is excellent, btw.
Anyway off to take the dogs on the beach.
:wacko:
Yes, today's another day and there are bigger things to think about, like poor old pooh being in hospital for example.
bottleblond
13-12-08, 12:25
Hope we all have a better day :flowers:
:bighug1:
Love Lisa
xxx
Yes, today's another day and there are bigger things to think about, like poor old pooh being in hospital for example.
:ohmy: Awww no, thoughts with them today then
Youre right Cathy about deleting your replies, as when i came in and read the thread, i could not understand what the heck was going on. In hindsight it is probably better not to change posts as it can look like other members are being spiteful, and probably theyre not. Anyway, it looks like its all been sorted now.
Love Tracy x x x x
No I wasn't being spiteful Tracy. You did not see what was put at the beginning therefore like CathyV has already said it is impossible for it to be commented on.
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