picklepish
13-12-08, 11:12
:) Hi, I'm super new to this site. I guess I should introduce my self..I'm Katie, I'm 30 and mother of 3. Its hard to know where to start with my panic/anxiety/depression. But i hope y'all have some great tips..i suppose a brief of my life story may help set the tone. my mother died of a brain tumor when i was 7 ..then i had an evil step mother.. then my father died when i was 14. I moved around alot. i used drugs and alcohol alot through my teens and had my first child when i was 18. It was after him that i experienced pnd..not that i knew it at the time.. i thought it was drugs and alcohol- so i got clean- for him and myself. I had abusive boyfriends etc. I tookimipramine and aropax back then.. which left me sort of semi conscious most of the time.. so i continued to drink..eventually i seemed to come right.. sort of. the panic attcks had stopped anyway.This was after i stopped the medication. then 2 years later the panic and anxiety started to crawl back and i was prescribed aropax once again.. the first pill sent me straight to the local mental health dept at the hospital- full fledged panic! so i became quite phobic re medication- ANY medication! I spent quite a while ok.. no drinking helped. I fell pregnant with my 2nd son and the anxiety crept back in.. then after him I had my daughter 12 months later.. the PND was the worst!!! i had full fledged panic, suicidal thoughs, manic depression. I was prescribed lorazapam.. which sort of helped. I managed to wean myself to diazepam 2 mg as required after a while and completed a national diploma in journalism. but I have spent the last 12 months slowly getting worse.. I cannot travel outside my city (and my family live an hour away), I panic when I HAVE to be somewhere. My periods have dictated my emotion state since the birthof my last 2 babies.. PMS like INSANITY!!! and I have been accepted into law school.. which I start in march. My childrens father has just taken my youngest 2 (his ones) to live with him.. which is somewhat upsetting, but they are happy and so is he.. I still have them up 4 nights a week but usually 2. HOWEVER>>>> I have just found out that i am pregnant...i want this baby and am determined to complete my degree. This baby is not to my ex.. but to a wonderful supportive man that stands by me no matter how 'nuts' I am.
But i NEED and WANT to get better!! i do believe my hormones dictate my life alot and that i need CBT.. I am stiil on 5 mg of Diazepam as needed (since finding out i'm preg again i have gone frome 3-4 tabs a day to 1- 1.5).. But i am sick of being 'sick'.. the mental health system here in nz is terrible..I have been waiting 6 months for a therapist (i'm a beneficiary)... it just gets so hard.. and I have to travel on xmas day.. and I AM TERRIFIED! I have read all the books, I understand how panic and phobias form and i realise there is no quick fix.. but i NEED to get past my mental health.. some days it feels like i will never get there.. Oh goddess I do sound depressing.. but i guess that comes with the territory. I'm a ration person, how can being far from home scare me so much?
But i NEED and WANT to get better!! i do believe my hormones dictate my life alot and that i need CBT.. I am stiil on 5 mg of Diazepam as needed (since finding out i'm preg again i have gone frome 3-4 tabs a day to 1- 1.5).. But i am sick of being 'sick'.. the mental health system here in nz is terrible..I have been waiting 6 months for a therapist (i'm a beneficiary)... it just gets so hard.. and I have to travel on xmas day.. and I AM TERRIFIED! I have read all the books, I understand how panic and phobias form and i realise there is no quick fix.. but i NEED to get past my mental health.. some days it feels like i will never get there.. Oh goddess I do sound depressing.. but i guess that comes with the territory. I'm a ration person, how can being far from home scare me so much?