My aim: to not inspect my breasts for ONE whOLe WEEK!

[jojo2316]

My lastest obsession is breast cancer. I have this awful sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach about it, a horrible sense of dread. I am compulsively checking my breasts. I keep thinking that i didn't check properly, that i might have missed the lump, so check again. All this despite having just had a mammogram (clear) and an ultrasound (clear) and a doctor's manual inspection (clear). I can check my self many many times a day at the moment.......... and i know i have to just STOP!!! My aim at the moment is one week, but I doubt i'll make it...... :-(
Is anyone else this mad?
xx

[anxious]

Hi Jojo,

yes, i am mad too :winks: I do exactly what you say in your post. I check till i don't know what i am doing?? if you know what i mean. I just end up in a blind panic, eventually tell myself everythings ok and continue with my day BUT then the nasty little 'what if's ' come in to my head and i'm off doing it again.
Not fun is it. I got it down to checking every other day in the shower, but had a massive panic this morning (hangover induced:blush: ) and went on a checking frenzy.
I did CBT and not checking does make the anxiety easier eventually, but its so blinking hard,
:hugs:

anx xx

[NervousNellie]

Hi jojo!

I don't think you're mad....I think that is a great goal! I know that you can do it!

Since you have had your mammogram, you should feel comfortable in knowing that everything is all clear! (I know that's easier said than done, because I do the same thing!) They have made such progress with the accuracy of mammograms that I don't think you should worry yourself about whether or not a lump was missed. Leave the breast inspections to the professionals and the amazing equipment....I can guarantee that they won't let you down!

Good luck and please let us know if you meet your goal! We're cheering for you! :hugs:

[Jan63]

Yes I did this a few weeks ago, kept checking and checking them and then decided not to do it for a few weeks and then a week or so ago found a lump.:huh: Hopefully it's only a fibroadoma or a breast mouse as they call them. It moves around and is smooth as my doctor says so no doubt after Christmas I will be at the hospital having a mammogram and needle biopsy.:unsure:

[jellybean43]

Hi
I too used to be like this. I am trying sooo hard not to check. I am finding it easier now as I am having CBT which is helping loads plus a tip I got off a lovely fellow poster is to try letting my OH check for me and then just leave it at that. I have been doing this now for a few weeks and i am finding it is helping loads----it isnt breast cancer with me but a fear of lymphoma---so checking for lumps too!!!
I have actually made myself ache with prodding and poking. My groin was my favourite place---I used to feel each side loads. Not just a little poke but a really hard dig---as soon as i thought i could feel something i would then poke more and more and my mind would be all over the place.The next day i could barely walk from all the poking!!!! And so it went on. I cant see that i will ever be cured but OH is happy to have a feel for me a couple of times a week-reassure me that all is ok---and this(at the mo) seems to be really helping me.
Jan63 how are you? Did you get my mail? I hope you are ok and I am sure all will be fine at the drs xxxx

[Jan63]

Sorry Jellybean, I really thought I had replied to your message but just checked my sent messages and found that I haven't.:ohmy: So just replied now.:hugs:

[RosieXXX]

Good luck jojo with your no checking policy. I have been just like you in the past with constant checking. My main worry has always been breast cancer, and every time i checked i was bound to find a lump of some sort, and then the obsessive checking starts, or like you even if i didn't find anything, i would start checking again just in case i had missed something. Crazy!! Checking is like an addiction - extremely hard to break, but with real determination it is possible, and you will feel so much better. Every time you get the urge to check give yourself a strong reminder that you have had all the checks and they were clear. We are all rooting for you, so let us know how you get on.

[jojo2316]

OK, well there is a challenge - I'll see if I can do it! The thing is, I get quite panicky at not being able to check........ And I keep thinking of reasons why the (numerous!!) tests were wrong (being only in my early thirties and breastfeeding, my breasts are dense, making tumours harder to find, etc etc)...... so I keep going back, to make sure, for the billionth time. You are right, Rosie, it is an addiction. I wish I could just feel normal again......
xxx

[RosieXXX]

Hi jojo,

I know what that panicky feeling is like - and it becomes almost impossible to resist the temptation not to check - you think to yourself 'just one more time just to make sure' and the whole things starts up again. Be very strong with yourself - treat it as an addiction. The checking behaviour actually feeds the anxiety. If you are able to resist the temptation you will be surprised how much the anxiety levels off. All the best - keep us posted.

[jojo2316]

Well - I got through my bath without touching my breasts once!! It was sooooo hard! I had to actually grab my own hand to stop myself at one point. It's so strange to think that a few months ago I hardly gave my breasts a second thought. I wish I could get back there.

Thanks so much everyone, for all your lovely support. xxx

I now have my dressing-gown done up very very tightly and so far my hands are under control !:-)))

[RosieXXX]

Well done!! You have taken the first big step.

[jojo2316]

I caved. :-(
I think, because I started meds (citalopram) three days ago, I'm feeling much more nervous than usual.
My new aim is to make it 24 hours and then work up from there! God, this is so sad!
xx

[Cathy V]

Hi jojo. You're doing really well so dont be too hard on yourself. If you can get it down to just once a week (or twice if once is not enough at the moment while you're feeling so stressed) because we are supposed to check anyway about once a week arent't we.

Take care
Cathy xxx

[RosieXXX]

Hi jojo,

It is really difficult to begin with, so please don't see it as a failure. As you say it is better you build up to it - a day at a time is a perfect starting point. I have had quite a few set backs myself, but each time you become a little bit stronger, so don't see it as a negative. I have heard citalopram can make you feel more anxious to begin with, so i am sure that didn't help either. Hugs x x x