Not sure what to do

[blackie]

Hi all

I am stuck in a dilemer at the moment. I am agoraphobic and havn't been able to leave the house very much over the last three years. In the last three months i have been tring really hard and am now able to go out with support people which include my parents and my support worker. Anyway today i am meant to be seeing two of my friends for lunch in town but yesterday it all got unsettled when i woulnt of been able to get there and back so i cancelled. It turns out i can now get there and back but i am terrified. I built myself up to do it and although i was terrified i wasn't going to back out. Now i am finding it really hard to get back that motervation. I had a teriible night last night when i just couln't stop crying and didn't get much sleep. And now i am coming down with a cold. i feel utterly depresses (and a bit sorry for myself). I am 20 years old and am meant to be having the time of my life. I am also taking a biology degree through the open uni and got some great results last week. However i have to do two residential units and this is making me feel really down as the more i read about them the more i feel i cannot do it. The first one involves a feild trip and the second public speaking. They are in july and august which seems to be getting closer very quickly. I just dont know what to do at the moment. I know i should try and force myself to go out today it's just i dont know if i can. And i dont want to keep mucking my friends around. They will get sick to death of me.
Sorry for the moan.
Blackie

[Mully]

First of all, if your friends know of your condition and understand then they will accept this and support you.. If you believe your friends are true and have offered help then accept it and be open and honest with them. I am sure they would understand and appreciate the effort it takes for you to go and have lunch with them and would understand also if you backed out.

I know exactly what its like to big myself up and prepare for something that would normally have me scurrying under the duvet.. then for something to go askew and so I could not go ..then..its on again!.. or you get to the day and suddenly your feel ill.. your fret and decide I can't do this..because of ' what if this happens.. ' what if that happens.. what if I need to leave.. what if I faint.. what if I shake and people see me .. what if... what if... ' Its the fear of the unknown.. and you can tie yourself up in knots with it.

You have someone who is taking you there and they will bring you back when you want to come back.. they would not offer this if they did not mean it... they would not offer this to you if ..they mind!.. You will then be with friends when you get there. ..... so.. after working myself up to go I would go... and think.. ok.. If i get there and can only stay 2 mins and have to come back..then so be it.. its ok.. no one will mind... I have tried... If you don't try, then you will just beat yourself up about it and worry.. you have nothing to loose in going .. what is the worst than can happen..really ?..

If you honesty think you cannot face even getting in the car to go then dont push yourself to hard.. but you wont know if you can do this unless you try and as you already got to that stage of .. ok i will try.. I think you should go for it.. best of luck hun xx

[marie1974]

hiya i agree with mully that if u can then be very honest with your friends and if they true friends they will understand.

i also feel with this that sometimes arranging things for days or weeks ahead is not good because your anxiety will just build and build during this time.

i imagine you prob feel better sometimes when u feel strong just to do something on spare of moment like go in car or down the road etc because u not giving yourself time to talk yourself out of it.

mayb thats wot u need to do for now as and when u can, try not to plan for the moment so u dont spend days worrying, just do stuff as and when u feel good to do it.

dont push yourself to much and if seeing your friends is too much dont do it, just see how u feel. hugs x