Seebra
18-12-08, 17:47
Wow. Where do I begin? I found this site by accident as I was looking up some symptoms I've been having recently.
Like many others, my life with panic and anxiety began long ago, during childhood. I am 35 now, and have been suffering with anxiety and panic for over 28 years.
My first attack began at a friend's house. I was on the swings and I got this strange feeling that terrified me. My mom and I later called that feeling the "Weird to be alive" feeling.
It was only years later that I understood that this was a full blown panic attack.
My childhood was dramatically affected by my parent's relationship. My father was an alcoholic and there were many fights - he never hit us children (I am the oldest of 5) but he often abused my mother.
I became the "caretaker", blocking my bedroom door with a dresser, after all of my siblings and my mother were inside.
Throughout high school, the panic and anxiety continued even after my parents got divorced. I would often have panic attacks walking through the hallways of my high school, in crowds, never feeling safe.
In 8th grade, I began a new school. I had a study hall with an older boy - he was nice to me and made me feel safe. I did not know that he was the boyfriend of one of the school bullies - she hated me for the attention her boyfriend gave me, and thus made my high school days miserable. Often I'd hide out at lunch in the library or the bathroom.
Then in 10th grade, I switched schools again.
The rest of my high school progressed with series of anxiety, panic attacks and even hypochondria. I never just had a headache. I had a brain tumor. It wasn't stress, it was cancer. And on and on.
Fast forward to college. During this period, the anxiety was not as bad. I rarely had anxiety attacks during college, I was so busy working full time and going to classes that I didn't have time to really think.
However, when they did appear, they were stronger than ever.
Many trips to the emergency room because I could not breathe, or I thought I was dying.
As an adulat, I still struggle with panic and anxiety as well as being a hypochondriac. I have a 4 year old daughter now, I try not to reveal my panic and fear to her, but sometimes I just breakdown.
After I had my daughter, I developed migraines with auras. (Migraine auras affect vision - making zig zag lights. They also cause mental confusion - you can't remember simple things like names, or phone numbers - and numbness - your hands and face turn numb - the entire aura lasts about 45 minutes to an hour).
The first time I got an aura, my husband dismissed me, thinking I was suffering another panic attack. I saw a neurologist, who diagnosed me. The first aura I got absolutely sent me into a panic, as I thought I was having a stroke.
I am so tired, so exhausted of living with this fear. I am tired of people not taking me seriously when I have something wrong with me, thinking that I am "crying wolf".
I cry every day. I am jealous of anyone who lives their life without suffering from panic or anxiety.
I want to live a normal life.
I am so glad I found this site.
Like many others, my life with panic and anxiety began long ago, during childhood. I am 35 now, and have been suffering with anxiety and panic for over 28 years.
My first attack began at a friend's house. I was on the swings and I got this strange feeling that terrified me. My mom and I later called that feeling the "Weird to be alive" feeling.
It was only years later that I understood that this was a full blown panic attack.
My childhood was dramatically affected by my parent's relationship. My father was an alcoholic and there were many fights - he never hit us children (I am the oldest of 5) but he often abused my mother.
I became the "caretaker", blocking my bedroom door with a dresser, after all of my siblings and my mother were inside.
Throughout high school, the panic and anxiety continued even after my parents got divorced. I would often have panic attacks walking through the hallways of my high school, in crowds, never feeling safe.
In 8th grade, I began a new school. I had a study hall with an older boy - he was nice to me and made me feel safe. I did not know that he was the boyfriend of one of the school bullies - she hated me for the attention her boyfriend gave me, and thus made my high school days miserable. Often I'd hide out at lunch in the library or the bathroom.
Then in 10th grade, I switched schools again.
The rest of my high school progressed with series of anxiety, panic attacks and even hypochondria. I never just had a headache. I had a brain tumor. It wasn't stress, it was cancer. And on and on.
Fast forward to college. During this period, the anxiety was not as bad. I rarely had anxiety attacks during college, I was so busy working full time and going to classes that I didn't have time to really think.
However, when they did appear, they were stronger than ever.
Many trips to the emergency room because I could not breathe, or I thought I was dying.
As an adulat, I still struggle with panic and anxiety as well as being a hypochondriac. I have a 4 year old daughter now, I try not to reveal my panic and fear to her, but sometimes I just breakdown.
After I had my daughter, I developed migraines with auras. (Migraine auras affect vision - making zig zag lights. They also cause mental confusion - you can't remember simple things like names, or phone numbers - and numbness - your hands and face turn numb - the entire aura lasts about 45 minutes to an hour).
The first time I got an aura, my husband dismissed me, thinking I was suffering another panic attack. I saw a neurologist, who diagnosed me. The first aura I got absolutely sent me into a panic, as I thought I was having a stroke.
I am so tired, so exhausted of living with this fear. I am tired of people not taking me seriously when I have something wrong with me, thinking that I am "crying wolf".
I cry every day. I am jealous of anyone who lives their life without suffering from panic or anxiety.
I want to live a normal life.
I am so glad I found this site.