Wimped out again

[LACEYA1961]

Didn't make my first therapy appointment today and once again I feel like a failure and a baby. Made another appointment for Dec. 31st (New Year's Eve????) Now I'm wondering if they're going to rush me through because of the holiday. I'm also wondering if I really want to get better. I'm worried that I'm getting so use to being like this that if/when I do feel "normal" again it will feel almost abnormal. Does that make sense? Am I actually afraid of getting well?? I would think I'd go through a flood to get some help.

This is so annoying and depressing to be held prisoner in your own home. I get mad and sad at the same time. And this stupid imbalance is getting tiring. I'm so sick of the feeling of being pulled to the right.

I know I sound like I'm blathering but my thoughts are all over the place.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Take care all,

Lacey

[Magik]

Think of this as your New Year's Resolution maybe? December 31st. A time for change. Out with the old and in with the new. The new of course being that you do want to be helped. Believe me, I know how daunting it can be to leave your house anymore, I'm slowly getting the same way, but I'm trying not to let it paralyze me.

But NEVER, EVER see yourself as a failure for trying. I've also had the thought of wondering what it was like to be "normal", if I'd even realize I was cured when and if I do...but defeatist thinking and negative thinking isn't going to get us anywhere, but keep us continuing in those vicious cycles.

If you're like me, you might be afraid of what you might need to take, medicine wise, or maybe you'll stumble across something you might have been "blocking" out. I'm always afraid I have some deep rooted thing I have buried and this is all a product of it. But when we are a certain way for some time, we sort of adapt, even when we don't really want to, but it's a way to deal with the symptoms and everything. Getting better IS something you want to do, else I really don't think you'd be here for support...which is why I know I'm here. Without support, I'd chicken out of alot of things and I still do, but you have to take this all at the rate YOUR comfortable with. Maybe some days are more taxing than others. If you find your attacks happen at a certain time, maybe try to schedule it away from that time? Or like someone suggested, maybe instead of getting up early and fretting, maybe sleep in, and only give yourself enough time to get ready and get out the door to your appointment? Least to me, that does make sense instead of sitting and dreading your appointment?

Either way, I do hope you make it, lately, I've been trying to keep this from slipping into Agoraphobia, and I can feel it is...cause I start getting weird when I'm in the car now...we just need to take it one step at a time, but I do hope you find something that works for you and good luck on making your appointment. And Remember, you're never a failure when you try to do what you know is right for you. Trying is half the battle, that means you have the will to fight. and the Determination to get better. With that, anything is possible. :)

[bel25]

First, you should never see it as wimping out, it's just a minor setback and (speaking from someone who is recovering) things do get better and you do want to get better. You felt "normal" once and you will again and it's great to feel like that again- keep this in mind. You just need to find out your strategy for dealing with it, everyone has a different one. Making it to the therapist will help this- she can give you some strategies to try, maybe think about this as you're getting there, she/he is there to help you.
Good luck!
xxx

[june]

:flowers: just a thought:blush: could you get someone to go to the appointment with you?
Just to get you over the first hurdle of actually getting there?
The first step is always the hardest.:weep:
The first session of these therapists is usually a "getting to know you" type thing.
I hope you report back on Jan 1st saying "Yeahhhhhh i did it:yesyes: :yesyes: "
good luck
best wishes
June

[lorac]

Hi Lacey

Don't give yourself such a hard time over it, ok so you didn't manage to get to the appointment this time perhaps you were not ready for it. You will make it just the same as you made it to the doctors the time before. Someone told me once not to make things a test but just to keep practising then you don't put so much pressure on yourself. You will make the appointment when the time is right for you so don't keep thinking you failled. I have cancelled so many appointments in my attempt to get better and given myself a hard time over it but that only made things worse, I am now learning to appreciate the things I manage to do and not to dwell on what I didn't and just to keep trying.

Good luck

Carol

[LACEYA1961]

Thanks everyone for your kind replies :)

I'm feeling better of course...had to have a pity day you know lol

I know for my next appointment I'll feel better because by then I'll be over pms and feeling better. That's what usually happens, anyway.

Take care xoxoxox

Lacey

[lorac]

Glad your feeling better Lacey

Carol