jellybean43
21-12-08, 16:04
Hi
Well as most of you know I have suffered with HA for about 15 months now!!It started with a fear of lymphoma which got wayyy out of hand and I have just completed a course of CBT and up until this weekend, did feel a bit better. When i think back to last Xmas i am nothing like i was then but i cant say that i am better(if that makes sense).
Anyway, the trigger for it probably was moving house last year which had loads of complications and my parents/brother coming back in to my life after a ten year absence(all down to my dad being very nasty to my daughter when she was 13!!).
I have struggled to build up a relationship again with my parents and really didnt want them back in my life but after worrying that i was dying from cancer i thought it might be the last chance to see them(I know writing this seems ridiculous now but that is how i felt last year when i received a letter from them out of the blue!!!).
Anyhow to cut a long story very short hubby and I went through to see them yesterday. I have kept the visits quite short this year(as i cant deal with it really) and yesterday I didnt really want to go. I suffer with GA as it is and it was posing a big ordeal. My mam had arranged for my bro and his kids to come down for the afternoon(I hadnt seen him either for 10 years nor had i seen my niece and nephew til last year---they are 7 and 11) and also my daughter was going to be there and my son. My daughter hadnt seen them for 11 years as she lives away and this was the first time she has been up in a year.Suffice to say the whole thing was totally stressy!!!!!
When i got there my mam said she had arranged to have a family pic taken. I said that i dont like the flash on cameras as i suffer migraines and dont want it taken(she has known this for 30 years but well!!!!!). She then goes and "tells" my OH that i wont cooperate(hey i am a 44 year old grown woman!!!) and then my bro chips in and shouts "hey what bloody planet do you think you are living on sis!!".
I could feel the tears coming as he shouted this in front of everyone and since having CBT I didnt hesitate in telling him where to go!!!(on reflection i am not sure if this was the right thing to do but it felt ok at the time).
Suffice to say the day ended and i came home and have been upset about it ever since. My eyes are all puffy with crying and i feel total washed out!!! I dont know why it always ends like this with my family and i feel i tried my best to go and smile sweetly and this is the result!!!
The whole HA is kicking in again today and I really just need some advice. OH says that it was very rude but that is just my family and i have to accept it.He says they dont know about my HA and about me having CBT and if they did they might be different with me!!!!But I feel i dont want to share that with them as i am sure you can understand. But why should anyone accept been spoken to like that???
Sorry to ramble and i thanks to anyone that has managed to read it!!! xxx
Well as most of you know I have suffered with HA for about 15 months now!!It started with a fear of lymphoma which got wayyy out of hand and I have just completed a course of CBT and up until this weekend, did feel a bit better. When i think back to last Xmas i am nothing like i was then but i cant say that i am better(if that makes sense).
Anyway, the trigger for it probably was moving house last year which had loads of complications and my parents/brother coming back in to my life after a ten year absence(all down to my dad being very nasty to my daughter when she was 13!!).
I have struggled to build up a relationship again with my parents and really didnt want them back in my life but after worrying that i was dying from cancer i thought it might be the last chance to see them(I know writing this seems ridiculous now but that is how i felt last year when i received a letter from them out of the blue!!!).
Anyhow to cut a long story very short hubby and I went through to see them yesterday. I have kept the visits quite short this year(as i cant deal with it really) and yesterday I didnt really want to go. I suffer with GA as it is and it was posing a big ordeal. My mam had arranged for my bro and his kids to come down for the afternoon(I hadnt seen him either for 10 years nor had i seen my niece and nephew til last year---they are 7 and 11) and also my daughter was going to be there and my son. My daughter hadnt seen them for 11 years as she lives away and this was the first time she has been up in a year.Suffice to say the whole thing was totally stressy!!!!!
When i got there my mam said she had arranged to have a family pic taken. I said that i dont like the flash on cameras as i suffer migraines and dont want it taken(she has known this for 30 years but well!!!!!). She then goes and "tells" my OH that i wont cooperate(hey i am a 44 year old grown woman!!!) and then my bro chips in and shouts "hey what bloody planet do you think you are living on sis!!".
I could feel the tears coming as he shouted this in front of everyone and since having CBT I didnt hesitate in telling him where to go!!!(on reflection i am not sure if this was the right thing to do but it felt ok at the time).
Suffice to say the day ended and i came home and have been upset about it ever since. My eyes are all puffy with crying and i feel total washed out!!! I dont know why it always ends like this with my family and i feel i tried my best to go and smile sweetly and this is the result!!!
The whole HA is kicking in again today and I really just need some advice. OH says that it was very rude but that is just my family and i have to accept it.He says they dont know about my HA and about me having CBT and if they did they might be different with me!!!!But I feel i dont want to share that with them as i am sure you can understand. But why should anyone accept been spoken to like that???
Sorry to ramble and i thanks to anyone that has managed to read it!!! xxx