Amanda3266
24-12-08, 11:51
Merry Christmas everyone - I'll start by saying that to you all who have provided me with so much support over the past few years.
It's been quite a year for me. This time last year i was living in Somerset in a rented house without any heating (central heating had packed up) and it was freezing. Coupled with that I discovered that my husband had an addiction to telephone chat lines and our phone bills were through the roof. In addition I came back to work to discover one of the Mums I'd been seeing with a new baby had collapsed and died very suddenly (it was such a rare event it made the national news - so please don't panic anyone). This sent me over the edge as it were and I had a nervous breakdown which lasted nearly four months. I can't really explain what happened but I fell apart massively - had overwhelming feelings of panic and anxiety - there as soon as I woke up in the morning (always about 5am). I became utterly convinced that I had something seriously wrong with me and NOTHING could convince me otherwise. The only feeling of security was being with my Mum who lived in Essex (and who understands health anxiety only too well) I travelled there several weekends in a row. Eventually I went off sick from work and walked away from my husband (who still cannot accept I have gone). I moved in with my parents for several months and found a new job in Essex - the feelings of panic took a long time to go - as did all the tears.
I have now found a house which I am renting privately (can't get a mortgage and housing list is years long) with my 6 year old son.
It's Christmas - so why are the panicky feelings there? Low grade worry, upset tummy, light headedness and underlying anxiety and panic, a feeling of "something's wrong". This morning I have busied myself, made stuffing, made cranberry sauce and all I want is to get into the spirit of Christmas and not feel like THIS.
From where I was last year everything is on the up so why do I feel that sometimes I have made NO progress?
It's been quite a year for me. This time last year i was living in Somerset in a rented house without any heating (central heating had packed up) and it was freezing. Coupled with that I discovered that my husband had an addiction to telephone chat lines and our phone bills were through the roof. In addition I came back to work to discover one of the Mums I'd been seeing with a new baby had collapsed and died very suddenly (it was such a rare event it made the national news - so please don't panic anyone). This sent me over the edge as it were and I had a nervous breakdown which lasted nearly four months. I can't really explain what happened but I fell apart massively - had overwhelming feelings of panic and anxiety - there as soon as I woke up in the morning (always about 5am). I became utterly convinced that I had something seriously wrong with me and NOTHING could convince me otherwise. The only feeling of security was being with my Mum who lived in Essex (and who understands health anxiety only too well) I travelled there several weekends in a row. Eventually I went off sick from work and walked away from my husband (who still cannot accept I have gone). I moved in with my parents for several months and found a new job in Essex - the feelings of panic took a long time to go - as did all the tears.
I have now found a house which I am renting privately (can't get a mortgage and housing list is years long) with my 6 year old son.
It's Christmas - so why are the panicky feelings there? Low grade worry, upset tummy, light headedness and underlying anxiety and panic, a feeling of "something's wrong". This morning I have busied myself, made stuffing, made cranberry sauce and all I want is to get into the spirit of Christmas and not feel like THIS.
From where I was last year everything is on the up so why do I feel that sometimes I have made NO progress?