View Full Version : I Think I'm Dying And No One Is Listening To Me
Hello! I am 39yrs. old, married for 21yrs. with 3 children I am desperate for help. since my oldest son's birth I have experienced what they in 1988 called the baby blues i was hospitalized for 4mo. after having him, then in 1990 I gave birth to my daughter and did fine then in 1993 gave birth to my 3rd child and did fine, then in 1996 I was admitted into charter hospital for 10 days for severe depression, I thought I was losing my mind, and I have always continued counseling off and on and then the last 5yrs. I was diagnosed with SEVERE panic/anxiety attacks the last 2yrs. have been pure Hell on earth, my husband hates me, my kids hate me, I have a severe fear of dying, just this year just 2008 I have had 13 EKG/ECG's, blood work for cardiac enzymes, 4chest xrays, 1-head ct, 13- blood draws, an ultra sound of my spleen, kidney's, liver, gulbladder, upper GI, and the only thing they have ever found was that my potassium was dangerously low and I am on meds for that... I see a psycologist and a psychiatrist and they both are now telling me that I not only have panic/anxiety attacks I also have hypocondrias which means I am a hypocondriac I DON'T BELIEVE THIS, I get severe chest pains and everyday I say i'm dying and I can't breath my family wants nothing to do with me, I am very over weight I have lost 48 pounds since july ( yay for me) but I am trying to hold down a job and I get so out of breath and light headed and then my heart pounds out of my chest CAN SOMEONE HELP ME I have been to 2 different hospitals and many E.R. dr. and family dr. and the therapists THEY ALL SAY THE SAME THING so how do I believe them when I am still having the problems? AM I CRAZY OR WHAT? I WANT HELP I NEED HELP I AM NOT SUICIDAL OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT I HAVE A FEAR OF DEATH BUT SITTING HERE MY CHEST IS KILLING ME AND I CAN'T BREATHE CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME AGAIN PLEASE I AM BEGGING.
Aaaw i really feel for you...but
Wow Keeling i think your amazing...i really do.
You hold down a job
You look after 3 children and your husband and your home.
Youve lost 48 pounds..thats 4 stones..wow that takes some determination and will power. You should be so proud of yourself.
Im no doctor..but i dont think your a hypocondriac because as far as ive always understood it, they are people who like to be ill and thrive on being ill which you obviously dont! Health anxiety has to be one of the most scary parts of anxiety/panic/depression as the slightest ailment and its panic stations..eevery ache/pain/twinge its a heart attack or cancer....coughs or sneezes its bronchitus pleurasy/pneumonia etc and the list goes on. But i think its just because when were feeling so low and scared that we blow up our symptoms out of all proportion and scare oursleves silly by letting our minds run amuck and even worse...googling. I suffered majorily with health anxiety years ago especially when i was on tranquillisers and sometimes felt just like you are now, that id never live to my son grow up or id die before my next birthday,,never see another xmas etc..drs are missing something..i know better than they do.. Theres no magic cure for feeling better and to stop worrying, but after certain events in my life and getting older i gradually started thinking well there goes another birthday and another xmas and im still here...im worrying over 'what might' happen, but, if its going to happen i cant do anything to stop it...so why waste the time i have by feeling miserable!! I had to toughen myself up when i got a pain or anything, so i thought to myself 'look you've had this before'..did it harm you?.. no..and it never did!. Each time after that if i caught myself starting to worry again i reminded myself about the last time, and the fear subsided a little quicker than it used to and the next time a little less, so that my constant worrying got less over time and gave me the chance to do things i wanted to but had deprived myself of in the past because i was too scared to do..'in case i felt ill or died doing it'. I really think your a stronger person than you think and your worth so much more then letting your family make you feel so worthless. Get the rest of the weight off you want to and your confidence will grow and probably your breathlessness will improve too..show them your better than they are.
If you ever need an ear pm me anytime.
Sorry i cant help you much but i wish you all the luck on the world
Take care
xx
Hi Keeling
I am sorry you are having a tough time but despite it all you keep going and you manage to rear your kids and hold down a job, you should be proud of yourself.
Anxiety and panic can bring on all kinds of strange symptoms, I think I have been through the lot, I don't think it is hypercondria I think this is Health Anxiety. You have done so well to loose that much weight and you a seem a very determined person. Lesleya has given you some very good advice and I really do hope this year things improve for you, you deserve it.
Carol x
granlizto3
27-12-08, 19:47
Hi Keeling, I've been there as well and since joining this group I've come on really well, It was knowing that there are other people who have been through the same things, you and I could have had similar lives, except for the losing of the weight, I'm now 54yrs of age but 21years ago in 1987 I had my last child after a gap of 10years, my other kids were born in 74 an 77, well after having him I was so sick with blood pressure problems, then baby blues, I was in and out of hospital so often that eventually my nerves took over, every twinge, every thought was dictated by feelings of death!! Anyway you are obviously a very strong person you have survived all these things and your still here, still seeking answers and most definitely not going off your head!! this site has helped me so much, with their recommendations on reading materials, C.B.T. my computer broke so I.ve not been able to come on for awhile as I couldn't afford a new one, but Santa was good to me, and I've been feeling quite well, the thing with this type of problem is just when you think your better something happens to knock you back, but with the constant help available here I've managed to keep going and I really believe now that you've found it you will find a lot of help here, good luck and well done on what you've achieved so far. Liz
shortstuff
27-12-08, 19:48
Hi Keeling
It does sound like you are having a tough time of it at the moment. Firstly, please try to assure yourself that you are not going mad. Panic and anxiety bring with them a multitude of physical symptoms which are very real. I think of it as physical symptoms NOT of an underlying physical condition but which warn us of the levels of anxiety. Like you, I suffer chest pains but use them as a way of informing me about my anxiety levels. The pain is constant but varies in degrees. When my anxiety levels are high I feel as though I am having a heart attack, and it takes days for the pressure in my chest to ease. Because I know it is a sign of high anxiety I use it to help me. When I feel the pain worseneing it stops me in my tracks and makes me look for the cause - am I working too many hours? sleeping enough? eating properly? If I can alter what I am doing I do. I also take extra meds short term to help reduce the immediate anxiety.
Are you on any medication which might cause difficulty in breathing? I know it is a common side-effect of Propranolol, but unsure about other meds. It might be worth seeking a second opinion by a medical professional.
It is easy to assume that there has to be something more serious than panic or anxiety causing our symptoms because that would make it easier to understand. Panic disorders are a genuine illness and have physical symptoms. This does not make you a hypercondriact.
I hope things get better soon,
Nic
:bighug1:
Hello Keeling. I am 34 years old,two boys, six and 1 year and 10 months. I also have panic attacks, every day, lasting for most of the day, this started in June. With both my boys I was having trouble with the baby blues, but I got past that. Mine started for the same thing yours did, or at least was a catalyst for them getting worse. Severe low potassium. I don't know if you're on supplements, but my doctor gave me 20 mg ones. I'm wondering if the low potassium not being absorbed correctly is the reason for my panic attacks, seems like a logical explanation. Have you had blood tests to check to make sure the potassium pills are being absorbed correctly by your body? I'm going to get a blood test drawn a week before I see my doctor again.
Even though, I have Crohns Disease, which I know, I can tell the potassium still isn't being absorbed correctly...what scared me, was the not being able to breath thing, cause I know the low potassium was affecting alot of my muscles, especially my diaphragm, and those two times in the ER caused I think, most of my problems.
When we think about things, and worry about death, we make our anxiety rise. Mine lately has been starting the Zoloft I keep putting off, because I'm afraid of the side effects. It's great though that you can keep a job, I couldn't imagine taking care of my two children plus trying to do a job...I commend you for that, you're stronger than I am.
I also have the problem of trying to self diagnose myself, which leads me to thinking I have alot of health problems, but if all those specialists are saying they are panic attacks, I know it's hard, but we all have to trust in what they say. You've had several tests, more than I have, and have had alot ruled out. And if you're still being monitored and keeping up on your tests, then it has to be the panic attacks, I know the fear is still there and it's so hard to get over. But with that potassium scare and not knowing the reason why it's low...I think we have that in common. The fact they don't know why it was so low and that they can't find anything is a scary thought. But alot of different reasons could have been the cause. Were you on antibiotics lately? My doctor told me those could lower your potassium.
As for you saying your family hates you, I'd hate to believe that was true, everyone needs a support network, are you sure maybe you're just feeling that way because of being scared hon? The best thing to do when you have that chest feeling, might I suggest, would be to get your mind off of it, maybe open a door, get some fresh air, or maybe do something to distract your attention. What I used to do, was get a wet cloth, not cold, but just luke warm, and run it over your chest, arms and neck...maybe it's just the act itself of doing something so different, but during my worst attacks, it seems to soothe abit. Because it detracts attention from where your thinking about, and you concentrate more on how the water feels against your skin. I know it sounds odd, but it did work.
I wish you all the best and I hope we all can beat these. They're no fun, and definately wear on us day in and day out, but if we give in...it makes it that much worse. And No, you're not crazy. It's perfectly normal to worry about things. Just some of us, myself included, focus on things. Just hang in there, and take care. <3
I too feared about my health, and the doctors merely put it down to being a hypercondriac. It really does grate on me because they never have once taken me seriously, One of these days they will be ignorant and it wont be the case. Anxiety causes many sensations that at the time are very intense and just for peace of mind why shouldnt we see a doctor. Thats what there their for afterall, and you work and pay their taxes so dont feel bad about it. Your do what you feel is right, and you ought to continue doing so. If you feel their is something to be checked out then your in your rights to have it checked. As the saying goes its better to be safe then sorry. As for you working, bringing up 3 children and going on a sucessful diet you should feel very proud. Im sure your family do struggle trying to ajust to these new circumstances but dont worry they will support you fully in time! Take care Lizzy:flowers: !
picklepish
29-12-08, 09:47
Hi.. everyone has said what i would have said.. but no one told you that anxiety and panic can cause chest pain!!! we panic people tend to breathe wrong so the muscles in our diaphragm tend to cramp.. it feels worse when you try to take a deep breath? and feel like you can only shallow breath? its so painful i know...but fixing it is easier than you think.. breathing exercises.. which can help with the panic too..
you are NOT dying.. i promise you. It just feels that way.. there are some great books out there.. which will help you identify the health problems related to your panic..no more panic by dr aine tubridy !!!! AWESOME book!!!
I'm not amazing you are YOU PROBABLY JUST SAVED MY LIFE I AM SITTING HERE CRYING SO HARD. I JUST GOT OFF WORK AND HAD A TERRIBLE PANIC ATTACK and thought to myself what if this one kills me and then I thought my husband hates me and so do my kids so maybe I am better off and then I read your message and YOU PROBABLY JUST SAVED ME THANK YOU. I am so upset and so scared I hate this I hate feeling this way. Do you think I am crazy? I have honestly had my therapist give me several written and computer test to check to see if I am bi-polar or just plain crazy and I pass them all with flying colors. thank you again
TONS OF LOVE
KIM
thank you to you also, I just happen to get on here while trying to take in deep breaths through my nose and out through my mouth and count backwards from 100 ( that's hard to do when your in a panic state) my husband and kids hate me, and it just kills me, my oldest son did not buy me anything for christmas but bought his father a $50 gift card and bought for his sister and brother and his grandparents ( who he feels is his mom) it hurt me so bad and yet tonight at work while I wasn't busy I got to thinking you know what this boy is almost 21yrs. old he will need me one day and I shouldn't be there for him, but I'm a mother and I love my kids so I WILL BE THERE FOR HIM and it hurts me so bad that this anxiety/panic has driven them all away it's all my fault and they don't understand. I just wish I knew how to cure it. I am starting a newyears resolution, when I feel like this I am going to go into another room and keep it to myself, my family said they can handle the attacks as long as they don't hear me crying or saying OMG I'm dying, I can't breathe or call 911... I get crazy at times with these but I just get so darn scared, but I am going to go into another room and get calmed down and not say anything maybe this will make them realize I am trying very hard?
You have no idea how much everyone has helped me here this morning when I came home to an empty house I was crying from having a panic attack and now it's been about 35min. ago and it's starting to really subside, when you asked about meds. I am on zoloft 100mg once a day and xanax 1mg. 1xday I can take a 1/2 or a whole pill if I feel the need, but I have heard they are very addicting so I try to just stay with the one at night but I will be honest they prescrible 60 a month and sometimes I take a 1/2 pill during the day, I work every friday and sunday night 10pm-6am and then usually a day or two during the week it's just at a gas station/ subway, I live in a town of about 2700 people, ( hickville USA LOL) but I try to keep busy and alot of people I work with say they would have never known I had panic/anxiety problems because I seem so down to earth and I make them laugh, I really wonder at times if the medication I take it's called metformin ( it's for diabetes 2 patients) I take it for poly cystic ovarian syndrome, I had more male testosterone in my body than female ( i had a hysterectomy in 03) and they took my uterus and cervix but I kept my ovaries but they are like not working so this medication helps to kick them in so at times I wonder if i'm not going through the change or, hot flashes or something, he my OB/GYN keeps an eye on my trygliceries, cholesterol, and my family dr. keeps an eye on my potassium and everything but this medication makes me have severe severe dirreha I go like 14 times a day no joke, and sometimes there is no warning you just go it's horrible, the stomach cramps, the lightheadedness, the dizziness, the feeling like your stomach is caving in, I think that sometimes brings on the panic attacks but this medication also helps me to lose weight but at times I wonder if it's worth it? Thank you so much for sending me a message I feel so comfortable here, and feel as though I can be myself THANKS TO EVERYONE FOR THAT
KIM
Hiya Keeling
First of all well done for losing all that weight what pressure you have been under the last six months.
1. Y'tou hold down a job
2. You have children as well as a job so that is two full time jobs.
3. You are managing this anxiety monster which is like another full time job because it is never ending and so time consuming.
4. You feel down because everyone hates you (they don't its your self esteem part of the illnessy it just feels like that)
5. Because you are such a strong determind person you cannot accept that it is anxiety because you feel that you should be strong enough to fight this and not give in to it therefore you are looking for a physical explanation which your inner self would find easier to accept and come to to terms with.
Right lecture over, you will get through this with the support of all the folk on here and maybe some short term meds, be kind to yourself you know your post reminded me of myself last year - it just takes time hunney not today and certainly not tomorrow pm me anytime
A big hug and
Heather
Hi Keeling
You Sound A Lot More Positive As They Say How You Think Is How You Feel If You Think You Are Well You Feel Well.
I Know This Is Not Easy All The Time So What If We Dont Get It Right All The Time One Day We Will
Keep Smiling Keeling
Love Shaka Xx
This technique has been very helpful to me, you will forget about the patten as your body takes over. When you remember just start the patten again calmly
http://www.lifepositive.com/body/body-holistic/breath/breath.html
That is an excellent idea Keeling! Learn breathing techniques that work well for you and take the time out to go over them. While doing this i often find that distraction works very well- putting on a film (obviously a comedy or something cheery) or just thinking about something positive. Also, there really are some great books out there, if you think this will help have a look at some that you think will help. Hope you're feelin better :)
xxx
dannyrsturbo
31-12-08, 16:43
go lie in the bath hun , for all the non caring my family show me ,and not wanting me to be there when im having a panic attack i run the bath sink to my knees nxt to the bath and listen to the water trickling in , im not the guy i used to be i ,was a proud infantry soldier in the british army for 6 years , now im 28 ,all my friends are out having fun 'drinking socialising and theres me having panic attacks every day /anxiety heart aches is what scares me the most and im on beta blocker thingies , hun, we all have a rough time of it 'and its doing it right now to me ..just reassure yourself that one day this WILL stop , u use that job your doing so well in keeping ,save a little get on a plane ' and when they say at home'' so where is she tonight ''the family are like 'what?? shes in florida ?? u go hun x x x x
Hi again Keeling
Im on metformin also for my diabetes, but it can cause awful diarroeah.
Check back with your doctor as sometimes they can change to something else.
Im in perimenopause and its the pits...i was panic free for over 8 yrs and then wham!! the menopause and back it came.
Have a look at this site hun its an american based site, it has helped me understand a lot more
http://www.power-surge.com
Take care
xx
Hi, I have been really panicy for the last week and really have not seen my family since christmas. I wont leave the house and my husband has been doing everything around the house. The kids i feel dont want to talk to me and the oldest one says she thinks its all in my head. So i know what you are going through. I know it is hard to keep the feelings to yourself because I find that if I tell my husband what I feel like i feel a little better. My husband said that he is sick of all my complaints and told me not to even tell him anymore. So I FEEL FOR YOU! I am in the same boat as you! :hugs:
Good very early morning everyone oh and HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL. I wanted to share with you a little something. yesterday I morning I had to go to the E.R. I had severe dirreha and abdominal cramping that was just beyond imaginable, my husband of course told me it was all in my head and so I waited for him to go to work and I drove myself, the dr. looked at me and put his fingers up under my right ribcage and I nearly blacked out from the pain he did an ultra sound and I have 2 fairly large gaulstones in my gualbladder so I will have to have them removed, they started and I.V. and I had 3 bags of fluids I was so dehydrated, and then they gave me toradol for pain and then I got very very anxious and was about to have a panic attack and they put in 2mg. of ativan and it way laid me then they said you can't drive home, so I had to call my parents THEY YELLED AND SCREAMED and didn't want to come and get me they said it's your nerves your nuts, you need put away, I feel like an idiot, there really is something medically wrong with me and they don't believe me even though the dr. sat right there and told them so and they still were so rude and made me look like an idiot. I am coming to the conclusion that I can only count on myself and no one else. ( except all of you of course) but as far as getting through this stage of my life and trying to get better I can only count on me. Thanks for listening and reading
KIM
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