How do I forgive?

[xBettyBoopx]

I'm not going into detail on a forum, maybe I'll phone the Samaritans one day, but there are things in my past that I can't get passed. There are things that when I think about them, really hurt me & I feel anger & hatred towards the ppl. How do I forgive? Does anyone know how or what to do to forgive ppl the wrongs against you? I think maybe if I could forgive I would find some sort of peace within myself. I try looking at the ppl (in my mind) with pity rather than anger but it doesn't work.

Anyone got any ideas? Thanks for reading.

Love
Els
xxx

[pooh]

HI elspeth

I believe that to find the ability tio truely forgive you are gonna have to come at things from a spiritual perspective. I think it's something we need guidance over and with.

sorry if this is useless

Pooh x

[bottleblond]

Elspeth

To be honest with you hun, I think you and only you can answer this question. Some people can forgive and some find it so much more difficult. I think by speaking to a profesional may help with the hurt and anger inside you but forgivness is a whole different ball game. But maybe by dealing with the hurt, you may find some peace.

Lots of Love
Lisa
xxx

[eeyorelover]

I don't think it's forgiving the person that you need Els hun! I think that it's the ability to lay down what has happened and move on with your life for your sake! I think forgiving the person who hurt you is more for their sake than for yours but being able to move past what has happened and say to yourself, this happened and it was sh@tty but I'm not going to let it break me or consume me and I'm going to move on with my life'.
It doesn't mean that you ever forget what happened but for me anyway it made it alot easier to move on and to be happy now instead of reliving what happened in the past.
I'm not even sure this makes sense to anyone but me!
Could be just another late nite rambling from the site insomniac!!
LOL
Luv to ya Els!!
xxx
Sandy

[Lynnann]

Hi Els,

I have to agree with sandy, the pain and anger you feel is there for a reason. forgiving someone is an admirable thing to do but not something that is always possible. Addressing what has made you feel the way that you do through Therapy and Professional help would hopefully give you the ability to move forward and who knows maybe when you are in a stronger and happier frame of mind you will choose to forgive them.

Hugs to you

Lynnann

[EmmaJane]

Gosh this is a hard one. I guess if you work out how it has made you feel and address that, it may help. At the moment you are torturing yourself and not the other person/people. As they probably don't know how you are feeling?? xx

[sunshine-lady]

Hi Els

I have had people hurt me very badly in the past. I lived for many years beating myself up thinking that I was somehow to blame. I can not forgive them for what they did, but with the help of 18 months of therapy I realised that it wasn't me to blame. They stole away a lot of my life (even after they were no longer part of it) and I am now determind not to let them steal anymore, they have taken away too much. I think I am becoming a stronger person now.

I don't know if you will be able to forgive, but please try to look towards the future. I found talking to my councellor (who is not emotionaly attached to me) took a huge weight off the battle I was fighting on my own. Give the Samaritans a call (or email them). I think it may help you to begin to start moving forward.

take care xxx

[freakedout]

Hi Elspeth

I agree this is a tricky one. Am not sure myself as I have some issues that I find difficult to accept from my past. Maybe acceptance comes before forgiveness, is forgiveness really necessary if you can accept that something happened and others were not acting in an appropriate way then ...oh I dunno. I just dont know. What I do know is that while there are issues that stir some anger I end up feeling guilty that I have angry or bad thoughts about those concerned.

Talking this through may help you, I hope that you can find a solution.

Freaky

[Southern_Belle]

Hi Elspeth,

This is indeed difficult. Moving forwards is never easy. Holding on to hurt and pain builds up resentment and in the end only causes more pain for you. When you know you are truly over the past, and that certain person is no longer in your life, you really feel nothing towards them. No anger, hurt, or even sadness. You have basically let it all go. That is when I think forgiveness comes in to play. So in my opinion if you do want to actually forgive try and just let it all go and if you start thinking of the pain work through it and then give it up to whomever your higher power might be. Or just straighten your shoulders, shake it off and move forwards and eventually you will start to get over it. It does take time but it is possible. I do hope you eventually get through this as I have done it myself. Good luck to you and if I can be of any help, please let me know.

Love,

Laura xxx