They're killing my relationship

[Eva May]

My PA and agoraphobia are slowly killing my relationship with my boyfriend. I can't have him stay over in my house and even knowing he's overnight in a nearby b&b sets me off. That doesn't make any sense! And I find myself just enduring the days he comes to see me, waiting until it's time for him to leave and I can feel calm again. I'm snapping at him and find myself being cold towards him. I love him so much and I don't understand what's happening. He doesn't deserve it and I'm afraid he's going to walk. And then with a change like that in my life, I'm afraid I'll totally lose it. Has this happened to anyone else and was there a happy ending? :weep:

[rocklover]

I get this, but the other way round, when I go and stay at his house I spend the entire time panicking and feeling very tense. Also when he comes over to my house, as I am living with parents at the mo cos I'm broke, we have to go out and I have panic attacks before he arrives, then whilst we're out I usually feel dreadful.

I don't understand as I love him loads, although I am getting paranoid now that he will dump me as I am not working/ living with parents/finding life difficult etc. He knows that I have panic attacks and anxiety, but when I am with him, I make a supreme effort not to let him see that I am suffering. I find all this exhausting and wish I was brave enough to just let him know when I feel bad, but I am too scared in case I lose him. It's so bloody hard isn't it?

[Natural Mystic]

My PA and agoraphobia are slowly killing my relationship with my boyfriend. I can't have him stay over in my house and even knowing he's overnight in a nearby b&b sets me off. That doesn't make any sense! And I find myself just enduring the days he comes to see me, waiting until it's time for him to leave and I can feel calm again. I'm snapping at him and find myself being cold towards him. I love him so much and I don't understand what's happening. He doesn't deserve it and I'm afraid he's going to walk. And then with a change like that in my life, I'm afraid I'll totally lose it. Has this happened to anyone else and was there a happy ending? :weep:
My God I've been here a few times. Now I'm single and worried I'll never find Mr Right, or if I do will I throw him away

:mad:

[Natural Mystic]

:hugs: Hi Evamay
have you seen your doctor over this perhaps there is some counselling you could have that might help you
perhaps you dont want him around because you dont want him to see you when you are having panics or feeling anxious
hope things work out for you let us know
take care
tetley
:bighug1:
Yes, scared of him (others) seeing the vulnerable you. The "other you"..... that's how I feel anyway

[Magik]

I suffer agoraphobia as well, but mine is making me like paranoid, to the point where I'm always seeking assurance. Or I have this thought in my mind that he's going to leave me. It's trying, believe me. But again, love overcomes everything.

I also feel as if I'm not as strong as I used to be, and that he won't love me as I am now, but he's been really supportive in trying to help me get past this all. I also noticed my attacks seem to get worse around him, I think it's because I don't want him to see me the way I am, but I can't control the emotions and then before you know it...I have a full panic attack come on.

Also, I don't know about you, but when something's wrong with me and I'm worried, I tend to push people away. Maybe in a way, you're doing the same thing somewhat? Maybe if you call or speak to him in person and just tell him plainly how you're feeling? I think he'd appreciate it to know you are trying and are just having a spot of trouble time to time. being candid and openly honest is the best way I believe to ensure no problems develop along the way, because if he doesn't know how you feel, he might start to assume, and it's better if all doubt is kept away.

*hugs* But I wish you luck and I hope things get worked out, hon. Hope it helped abit.

[Dahlia]

I can totally identify. I'm single now, but have had problems with boyfriends staying over, and also had problems staying at their places too. In fact, with one boyfriend, I used to go to bed in all my clothes so I could get up and do a runner if I needed to! With another guy, when I was panicking, I used to make him not look at me, as him looking at me would make it worse! So I can totally understand how having your boyfriend staying in a nearby B&B would set you off - it would me too.

Have you told your boyfriend about all of this? If he is happy staying in a B&B then it sounds to me like he's pretty understanding.

Mine somehow stems from a fear of rejection I think - but then I feel the way I behave makes it a self fulfilling prophecy (to be fair, it's more than panic with me, I seem to lose all self esteem in relationships). Someone once said to me maybe I was scared of commitment, but couldn't admit it to myself. I just find relationships enormously stressful.

Dahlia x

[Eva May]

Thanks everyone. He is completely understanding, the only problems are coming from me because i am so dissatisfied with how things are. We survived christmas but we had a massive, I wouldn't say row, but it did get intense on new years eve. I was panicking and I wanted him to go home and I told him. He said that if he went home, he wouldn't be coming back because he couldn't watch me give into it again. When I thought about it, the offer of no stressful relationship, I just couldn't let him go because I love him too much. I'm still unsure about our future but for now I'm fighting back