View Full Version : Fao Everybody Really
I think many on here brand me a trouble maker because of my views.
I dont wish to offend but i am a realist,i see people posting on here having a go at my words who can go to work,socialise etc,to me you are not in the same boat as i cant do any of that so will say i am a more genuine case of a panic disorder....I will be the first to admit i am stupid due to the fact i have a great doctor who gives me meds to help but i cant take them because i fear its goin to make me feel worse..quite how i aint sure!
I am not looking down on any of you,but you have to apprieciate there are different levels of this disorder where by we all think our situation is the worst.
Dont let my views offend as after all i am just a cripple sitting indoors afraid of his own shadow...be thankful that most on here do actually seems to have some kind of a life!
I don't wish to offend but i am a realist,i see people posting on here having a go at my words who can go to work,socialise etc,to me you are not in the same boat as i cant do any of that so will say i am a more genuine case of a panic disorder....
I am not going to react in an angry way here...but, OMG! How can you say your illness is more genuine??
Some facts for you:- I've had Panic attacks, depression, erratic mood swings, health anxiety, social phobia, anxiety, SEVERE agoraphobia since 1998. I CANNOT go ANYWHERE alone. I cannot use any kind of transport other than my mother car. I cannot go in a car with anyone other than my mother. I do not socialise. I cannot socialise. There are alot more things i can mention "Phil", but cannot be bothered. I have a wonderful doctor, psychiatrist, therapist who all talk about meds, but like YOU i fear that it will only make me worse.
We all deal with our issues differently. Some people may have it more severe than others, but it doesn't make it any less genuine.
I am shocked you'd post this to be honest.
belle i am not talking about people like yourself,although you saw that Chris Hoy article and looked up to him like he was God and if it was true he would have been!
God doesnt exist,not in our world.
Hi Phil, sorry to hear you are suffering so badly. I used to be genuinely enraged by people around me saying "oh I get them" - when at the time I was sectioned and they were all leading "normal" lives. Many years later I still get frequent attacks - enough to severely impact my life and family.
But I think it's important to not "compare", everyone has their own symptoms / levels... What really matters is that for you times are sounding really tough and I hope you find some support here and elsewhere too.
"levels" and "impact" don't matter - if someone feels desperate, afraid, lonely or scared even briefly and posting here helps - then go for it!
I can remember when my panic was at its worst, I seriously considered suicide more than daily just to end the horrible feeling. I'm glad I didn't though - after years of battling panic attacks with heart beats so irregular at times to even concern paramedics I now have a semi-normal life. I have to make allowances and plans for my condition but I get by.
Don't worry about "who's got it worst", just think about ANYTHING that helps or reassures YOU and keep fighting the feeling mate.
Hi Phil
Before I go on I want to say that I dont find your posts offensive or disturbing. What I find upsetting for and about you is the clear agony, pain, anger and frustration that colours your life every waking moment. It affects your thoughts your feelings your judgement and all of that is understandable form a person who fears their own shadow and in reality appears to be completely debilitated by your disorder.
But you know what...you can continue to fear everything or you can try. Personally. I have and done anything not to feel the way I have at times, this includes drug therapy ( prescription) , psychiatric unit stints. Psychologists, psychiatrists, cpn's, counsellors, doctors and so the list goes on.
I personally believe in the inate ability of us all to find the will to try, to change to cope, manage, improve. Perhaps one day you will find your own. I with the sincerest of wishes hope that you do find your own.
In the meantime I will not take offense at what you say because i dont believe you mean to be offensive or curt its just your anger, frustration and fear talking Phil and you know what...that's ok with me.
Take care Phil..take care and take the steps you need to for you!
Pooh x
pooh,you are of course totally correct,i wallow in my own self pity.
...you know what hurts me more,is that i am actually quite successful,i bought i business and have a "her indoors" that runs it..i do the admin indoors...i actually own a ferrari,an amg mercedes,2 motorbikes a sierra cosworth and a motorhome...but guess what i cant use any of them...i had my dad get them because i couldnt even view them myself
..talk about dangle a carrot in front of a donkeys nose!
...i just have a mental block on taken meds which could transform my life
Phil, if you have panic attacks it's not "WALLOWING"...it's "SUFFERING".
The thing I think I hate about them most is that they take the shine off the good things in life that I DO have - like my mrs who does everything for me when I can't.
PS - I have a helicopter. Ok Ok, so it's only a mini radio controlled one but I was consumed with jealousy just for a second...! :-)
Hi Phil
I would really like you to think of your 'self pity' in another way. How about how you are and feel right now maybe a nightmare but that nightmare is your comfort zone. What would it truely mean to feel differently, to feel reduction in the anx to go start one of those fancy cars up and drive it for 2 mins and not feel fear. I believe that it is very common to fear the alternative to what we come to know and be familiar with on a daily basis.
I'm gonna make some suggestions, feel free to ignore or maybe just try just one even for two minutes.....
Firstly get a note pad spare bit of paper anything and recotrd down things that you do that do not cause you any anxiety or even a task that you can part do before anxiety may kick in. the point being this is about recognising that you have successes no matter how small they exist and are al ready there.
The next one maybe a little tougher.. Imagine someone you respect and admire who has confidence. get yourself somehwere you feel comfortable and relaxed and try to image being inside their skin feeling their emotions and their achievements. What you are doing is trying to become familiar with an alternative way of feeling. Ive done this one myself and it can initially feel very peculiar but you can get past it.
Thirdly...see all those status symbols sitting on the drive? they arent carrots Phil...they are overwhelming pressure. An ovewhelming reminder of how much you believe you cant do and will never achieve. Get someone to park tehm well out the way or even sell them if thats what it takes. get one thing and one thing alone that is smaller and more achievable like a bicycle. I know this may sound odd but its important small steps all the way.
I believe you can do this Phil..I believe in your ability to try
Pooh
Firstly sorry but have to say....lol notator.
Secondly Phil i know exactly where your coming from about taking meds. Its hell knowing there things you can take to make your feel better but the fear of side effects trebles your anxiety. Ive got a stupid totally irrational fear about taking meds in case i have a reaction to them and that it will make me worse than the illness itself...and all caused through a stupid locum doctor 5 yrs ago giving me penicillin based antibiotics (im allergic to penicillin) but if he had taken the time to read my notes he wouldve known that, but was my own fault too..i shouldve have double checked with my chemist first and saved myself all this grief.
It might help if you can take the time and talk to people here on nmp who are taking the same meds that youve been offered (im sure there will be lots here) and talk to your chemist too as he can answer any questions that you might have.
I always check with my chemist before i take anything unless its something ive had before as theyre really fantastic and know drugs inside out (better than a dr) and theyre brilliant with people like you and me who worry oursleves daft about side effects. No one can force you to take anything, but...hey whats the worse that will happen...you might feel a little rough or you might not untill they kick in..but no worse than you do now.
Your sooo lucky mate in other ways though...which im sure you dont need reminding of...but..wow...the cars that you have...jeees you couldnt keep me in mate...and the motorhome....id be in 7th heaven:)
I really wish i could say something really profound to help you, but i do wish you well and hope that you find the help you need to overcome your fears and give you back your quality of life.
Take care
xx
shortstuff
30-12-08, 16:48
I'm afraid I am one such person who does take offence!
I am still able to go to work - just!! I have to cut myself just to calm down enough to start the journey. It is the ONLY normal thing left in my life and I am clinging onto it as if its my last breath. I can't go into a shop anymore, socialising is something which I now do via email or relying on friends to visit me (but not in groups of more than 2). I live on my own, my nearest family live 120 miles away. If I give in my LAST bit of normailty (work) then I really might as well end my life.
The months and months I put off going to the GP essentially made me worse. Why didn't I go? I thought I was making too much of it - or I suppose in your eyes I'm not genuine! Perhaps I should just pull myself together and live my NORMAL life - as being safe in only 2 buildings is NORMAL!!!! It is this sort of comment which might prevent someone getting help and, I'm sorry, but that annoys the hell out of me.
I have been so close to having to give up work but realise how lucky I am that the management have been so understanding and have made so many changes to accomodate my panic disorder. I really feel for anyone who has had to give up work, but I am so pleased for fellow sufferers when I hear that their lives are not quite as restricted as mine - but I would not assume that they are suffering any less than myself.
I wish you well in your recovery Phil, as I wish for everyone on here.
Nic
eeyorelover
31-12-08, 04:49
I personally think that what makes this site unique is that we all have the same general symptoms but there are so many at different stages of anxiety that we can all learn and grow from each other.
I'm not saying we all have the exact same experience but I can't count how many times I've read a post and had to reply that it sounded like one I could have wrote myself!!
It's easy to feel alone and isolated when you are in the thick of anxiety but the truth is we all experience challenges due to our anxiety!
For example, some of my dear friends are housebound, I am able to go out and do things but driving is still difficult for me, another friend of mine on the site is overcoming her driving phobia and can even go on the interstate! We all still have issues but are at different points in our struggles with anxiety which makes supporting each other easier because not only can we give advice but we can genuinely feel for the other because we've been there and know what it feels like!
It's a great feeling to know we aren't alone!
You aren't alone either!
Maybe you are opinionated and angry but that doesn't make you a bad person. I am loud and also opinionated and I've been a member for years and they haven't booted me yet!!!
LOL
Just remember that we aren't the enemy hun!
You need support? You've got it here!
You need encouragement? You can get that here!
You need a swift boot in the rear?? I know of several who can provide that too :)
hehe
xxx
Sandy
Perhaps, Phil, you are someone who excels at everything - including your illness. You have succeeded materially with the cars etc, and now you are succeeding at being anxious/depressed too. I'm more of a moderate me.
Totally agree with Pooh, if anything your material possessions probably make things harder for you - a constant reminder of the things you can't do. And for that you have my sympathy.
LeeBee i think you have hit the nail on the head.
I so want to go and run my business in the flesh (a very busy shop) i so want to drive my cars and ride my bikes,i so want to go on holiday in my camper....the more i want the worse i feel.
We did try to go on holiday last year in the motorhome..i had a rare day where i thought i could take on the world....it lasted 140miles then the nausea came and boy was it bad....unfortunately my other half cant drive a manual vehicle so that added to the pressure i was stuck miles from home....i had to get home it took 10 hours to get back and was the worst in my entire life feeling on the verge of vomit but no vomit just constant severe nausea of course i eat nothing couldnt......as i got home the feelings subsided had a drink...then the missus got a take away curry and i ate it like nothing was wrong.
Phil
You speak your mind as much as you like as far as I'm concerned. I do agree with you that there are different levels of this illness as well. I speak my mind a lot and ponder over what I've written sometimes thinking "should I have said that". However, we are here to air whatever we feel (within reason and not causing too much offence to others).
You do wallow in self pity - I bet we all do. How could we not?
About the Ferraris and such like..... well I assume you drive them??? Or do you just look at them?
If I had your money, cos you are most certainly more wealthy than me I'd get myself THE best therapist on this illness and the best shrink. I really mean this.
I tell you what? If you want to give yourself a real boost pay for me to see THE best therapist that may help you (lol) ------.
Take care Phil, I wouldn't worry about what you say on the forum mate xxx
...my cars etc...i only really look at them...i do drive them occasionally but i feel so sick when i do that i dont get any enjoyment from it.
As for therapy i honestly feel to rough!...I cant even get down the docs nowadays,i have to phone him...which is weekly lol....he is so fustrated i wont take the meds..but does understand why...but he keeps saying "you may be very pleasantly surprised"
hi lolly...i have in the past been to all therapists even cbt and he said they cannot help me in the end because i just dont respond to behaviour mods...honestly tried everything outside medications...last summer i rode a push bike round the village 3miles aday for 3months...no help..i eat healthy dont drink caffeine dont eat sugar...i do however drink too much but this actually helped so we cant say that is doin the harm as i was very ill before alcohol.I once even got my dad to take me to a physcho hopistal and i said i dont want to leave until better...they evaluated me and said we cant help you.
Hence why me and the doc have come to the conclusion i have to take meds...as siad i have a fear of this plus i feel like i am defeated can you understand?..I feel a poof because i couldnt do it alone naturally...
Hi Phil
I really don't kow how to respond to this. I can't say your post offends me, but I do think you are maybe being a little selfish in your way of thinking, which hey we can all be guilty of.
Phobias, fear, anxiety and panic have crippled my life since I was 12. I have had a terrible time and lost alot of key people in my life through bereavement. I am not going to give you a sob story, because you will see me as one of those people who has more of a life than you. I work part time, but only just, and the strategies I have developed over the years are ridicuolous, but I somehow struggle through. Every day from the moment I wake is a constant battle and I am pleased I have come this far, yet not satisfied.
We are all struggling and it is wrong to say your anxiety is worse than mine just because I manage to do things. The terror and fear I feel on a daily basis tells me that my anxiety is in no way less criplling. Yet I have not given up, nor will I ever give up fightingmy fears. I have learnt that sitting in the house and hoping for a miracle is a waste of my life. And I only have one. We're all going to die one day, so if I die of a heart attack by pushing my anxiety to the limit at least I tried.
It must seem now that I was offended by your post, maybe I was just a little. I have worked damn hard to get where I am and believe me I am now facing the biggest fight of my life.....I'm pregnant and have severe phobias surrounding this. I am more sad because I don't think you are giving yourself credit for anything. You went out in the motorhome, yes it was hell, but you did it. Build on it. If something is worth getting it's worth fighting for. Money and cars mean nothing. I don't care to be honest how many cars you have, it is immaterial. I know you have mentioned it to illustrate the depths of your despair at your situation. It just goes to show that you can have it all but still have so many problems.
I wish you well Phil I really do.
I dont mean to offend or upset...but i just wanted to ask you if i can 'what exactly started your fear of meds? have you had a reaction to smething in the past?
I dont mean to offend or upset...but i just wanted to ask you if i can 'what exactly started your fear of meds? have you had a reaction to smething in the past?
very good question,throughout life i just didnt take meds not for any fear reason just had the outlook that i will heal naturally and meds should only be used for life or death situ's,i then got stung by a wasp and feared i would be allergic...didnt happen...i have had to take meds for when i got bitten by a dog..i had no fear then....i then did get an allergic reation to something unknown it was the all over body rash version lasted about a week..no idea what caused it except it was on the next day after my dog died..anxiety related to take my mind from my sad loss?Doc said no way....so i guess that reaction scarred me.....so now from then on i just have an overwheming fear of allegic reation dont get me wrong if its life or death i would take...i just cant get my head around anti nausea tablets or xanax as life or death....even though i'd be best off dead because i have no life....i still cant get the balls to take them
Lolly again nail/head....i got someone who takes care of me which cant be a good thong for my anxiety....i was on incapacity benefit for 14 years before i bought the current business!
honeybee3939
31-12-08, 11:10
i got someone who takes care of me which cant be a good thong for my anxiety
Phil this is where i went wrong in the many years i suffered with agorophobia, my family caring for me (and i know they did there best)but they didnt do me any favours what so ever looking back at it now. it was me that needed to get out and do things so i could build up courage and thats what i eventually did. I started going out late at night when it was quiet and there was no one about. It took me months to pluck up the courage to even go into the shop 100 metres away for a pint of milk, but once i had done it the feeling was unbelieveable that i had achieved something so big, something that most people take for granted.
What i am trying to say Phil is that you have to try and help yourself hun, its bloody hard though when you are so afraid of the outside world and the panic that comes with it! But it can be done i promise you, just little steps at a time. I never thought i would get to where i am today, i still have the odd blips of panic but nothing as bad as it used to be.
I wish you good luck.
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxxx
Thanks for that phil. I dont know why your gp dismissed your dog dying and your rash. I dont think doctors understand everything..and if they cant label or associate something like a rash with an allergy just for example then they tend to close their minds to looking for another cause.
When i was 21 my fiancee dropped down dead and 2 days later i got the most horrible red lumpy rash...head to toe...mustve looked a fright. I had hardly touched a thing to eat or drink...so couldnt have been that the doctor said, so he told me that he thought it was most likey my bodies way of reacting to shock! and that everyones body has their own way of coping with it! I also remember a friend of my mum a neighbour of ours yrs ago went totally blind for 3 weeks..no medical reason..nothing, and they put that down to stress too??
I think you maybe a bit hard on yourself phil and expect too much of yourself in as much as your body should heal automatically. Its not always able to do it on its own and sometimes needs a little push start to get back to normal.
I wish you well and hope you find a way to work out your anxiety.
Sorry for the long winded answer...
Take care
Right so the Ferraris are looked at. Now that's no good - sell one and get a good hypnotherapist to hypnotise you into taking meds! Lol. I wonder if Derren Brown could help you.
Phil Iknow about this sickness phobia of yours because we've talked about it before - but you remember what my therapist said to me when I said I fear I might cry - she says just cry. Could you apply that technique to yourself - like be sick and sod the world.
I understand your fear of medication, it's a fear the same as any other and you don't need more fear. However, don't we all get to a stage where we think that we would do almost anything to feel better? Some people go into hospital to get onto the meds. Would you be up for that? You see, if I thought that a med may help I would take it myself. However, I do sympathise you know that.
You didn't let me know whether you're wealthy enough to send me for super duper treatment somewhere!!!!!!!!!!!! Lol. ....
I dont wish to offend but i am a realist,i see people posting on here having a go at my words who can go to work,socialise etc,to me you are not in the same boat as i cant do any of that so will say i am a more genuine case of a panic disorder
That is the only part of your post that annoyed me. People that manage to go out to work can most definately be as much of a genuine case. What you have to realise is that a lot of people have no choice but to go out to work everyday, they would literally go under financially if they didn't.
But, just as you feel sick on the occasions that you have driven your cars, do you not think that these people that are going off to work don't also feel sick/panicky etc? I know I certainly did in the past. I also panicked getting to work, panicked at work and panicked when home from work.
The thing is, some of us NEED to keep going with the normal everyday routines, as much as it kills us to do so. And guess what? It actually doesn't kill us and, 25 years down the line from my first PA, I'm still here to tell the tale!
It is definately the fact that you don't NEED to work, go out, drive etc that is keeping you in the "my anxiety is worse than anyone elses so there is no way I can do anything about it" frame of mind.
So, please, before thinking you are a more genuine case than someone else, consider what they most probably are going through every single day just to try and carry on working in order for them to pay their bills.
Kate
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