View Full Version : The Battle that Rages in my Head
I've been anxious pretty much for 3 months now. It all started when I found a lump on my testicle - this lead to my first ever panic attack (a week later, I guess all the worrying caught up with me).
Anyhow, over the last few months there's been a constant two sided conversation in my head between my positive and negative thoughts. Its almost like a cartoon angel and devil sitting on my shoulder, and its driving me nuts.
Italic Font - Mr Negative
Normal Font - Mr Positive.
---------------
In General
You had testicular cancer 3 months ago. The tumor was removed, but you've since developed all the classic signs of a brain tumor haven't you? You didn't catch it in time, it spread to your neck and then into your brain. They only scanned your from the chest downwards. This type of cancer doesn't show up in the blood 30% of the time. The doctors, pathologists, oncologists and your optician are incompetent and don't know what they are doing.
Rubbish. The biopsy showed a very small tumor, and there was no sign of invasion, not even microscopic. What are the chances that its spread to your neck and brain given all the proffesionals you've seen, plus all the negative test results, plus the extreme unlikelyhood of it ever spreading to the brain before first showing up in the abdomen and lungs? Practically zero. And even after that it must be a pretty crafty brain tumor to avoid detection by two oncologists, two doctors and an optician.
The only thing that's wrong with you is that you have anxiety. You are cured. If anything, you have survivor guilt syndrome. It all happened so fast, and you were 'cured' so quickly that you somehow felt cheated - You have surgery, a week later you see an oncologist who gives you the all clear and then you're left alone with your thoughts.
On top of this you have to remember that just after being diagnosed, you were CONVINCED you had lung cancer. By the time you were sat in the urologist's office, you could bearly breathe out of one lung. Remember? You said it felt like it was made of lead. You were so convinced that the first thing the urologist did was send you straight for an X-Ray. An hour after you got the news that your lungs looked 'fine', you're breathing returned to normal. And you haven't had a SINGLE problem with it since. Not even a twinge.
And if that wasn't enough, weren't you getting horrible stabbing pains and cramps in your abdomen and terrible back pain in the days leading up to your CT scan? Again, you were absolutely CONVINCED you had tumors in several lymph nodes in your abdomen. And so what happened when you got the CT scan results? That's right, you haven't had a single twinge in that area since.
See a pattern here? Anxiety causes a tightness of the chest. Anxiety causes abdomen problems (IBS and co) and its psychosomatic style can amplify a slight back ache into a crippling one. The reason you're focused on your neck and head is that its the only two places they HAVEN'T scanned. Don't forget that.
Headaches
Headaches are a classic sign of a brain tumor. And you've pretty much had a headache in one form or another for the last two and a half months. No headaches last that long. You rearly suffered from headaches before this. Its obviously a tumor. Its worse when you lie down. Which is bad news. Because extra blood pressure to your brain causes it to ache more.
Remember how you first described the headaches to your GP the first time you went to see him? That's right, you described it as having a vice around your head. Sounds an awful lot like the classic tension 'headband' headache doesn't it? Remember you telling the GP about the headache at the base of your skull? Tension in the neck.
Remember that your jaw hurt the same time? Remember using that massaging machine on it? Remember how it made the jaw pain much worse and you had to sleep sitting up in bed that night? Well what you did there was cause and effect. You made the muscles in your neck and jaw ache worse, making your headache muc
This is a fantastic example of how so many of us have /are feeling and the internal monologues that go on .
Thank you so much for taking the trouble for writing it all down here.
The good news is that as you practice it again and again and time passes and you're still standing - the positive/ rational ones start to gain ground. It's is not instant and you may not evne think its happening but as you think back you will be able to identify pieces where it has already happened !
Good on you - its great progress to be able to see the rational aspect
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
Wow, that really is something.
I have EXACTLY the same internal monologue. The difference being that I don't think I have a brain tumour - my Mr Negative tells me that the small amount of recreational drugs I have partaken in in the past have fried my brain and I am never going to get better.
There was a while where I told myself that I had CJD, but this passed. My anxiety rises when Mr Negative makes me search the internet for my symptoms. I am learning to not do this.
Thanks a lot for posting that - it really makes me realise I'm not alone in what my brain is doing to me. The physical symptoms you have are EXACTLY like mine as well.
Give Mr Positive a pat on the back every now and then - tell him he's doing a great job. You've got to motivate your workers sometimes!
Gareth
*** I think, therefore I'm anxious ***
wow, thank you so much for taking the time to write that i am now going to print it off and re-read at regular intervals, take care and keep in touch xx
I usually just read here to try to find a little bit of a common bond with people who have the same issue as I do, but I felt compelled to register and post to thank you for taking the time to verbalize what goes on in so many of our heads. I didn't even know what globus hystericus was until I read what you wrote, and after looking it up I realized its the exact thing that always happens to me when my anxiety acts up. For some reason I had decided it was Hodgkin's disease even though its not even a symptom, and I of course don't have a single other symptom whatsoever. I'm far from being an expert, but it sounds to me like you've got great insight into the tricks your mind is playing on you and I'm confident you're going to be just fine. Thanks again!
What a great post, ive read it a few times now
thanks for that
kairen x
woohoo,
great post man
take care
Thanks so much for that. it's so true and informative and you can see just how easy those irrational thoughts get out of hand huh!
Thanks again,
Take Care,
Love PIP'S X
Your post reminded me of the battle that raged inside my own head.
It's so easy to fight with others, but the hardest thing is to fight with
yourself. I battled for a long time with Mr Negative, always, like you,
chipping away at him with positive thougths. There were times when
I was soooo tierd and Mr Negative would jump in and say "your going
to be like this for the rest of your life :(
Mrs Positeve "NO this is soooo NOT TRUE, there are sooo many special
people on nomorepanic that have got better, if thay CAN DO IT so can
I [^] I WILL GET BETTER.
I have not had a PA in a long time and NO high anxiaty attacks.
This is a hard battle, but one worth fighting because you WILL WIN
in the end.
What I found helped was reading a book on how the mind works, how
we are being proggamed all day every day. It helped me understand
that I could re-proggrame my thougths.
Keep chipping away at Mr Negative with Mrs Positive, as time goes on
Mrs Positive WILL get louder and louder.
Many thanks for your post.
TAKE CARE
WISHING YOU WELL
LOVE JILLXXX
Believe it can be done.
When you believe something can be done,
really believe, your mind WILL find ways to do it.
Believing a solution paves the way to a solution.
SFAOK
I swear I was reading about myself, except for the part about your testicle.. LOL! [:I]
I wanted to laugh and cry all at the same time! This is exactly the conversations I have with myself!
Is this posted where the rest of the personal stories are? If not, IT SHOULD BE!!
Thank you for boldly revealing what our minds are doing to us!!
"Honey, if ya ain't feelin' the bumps in the road, ya ain't goin' nowhere!" (A wise Georgia Granny's take on living life to the fullest! LOL!)
I love your post.
I struggle to get stop the arguing with my self on a daily basis it really is the worst to cope with. I just want the positive me to stay in control but that negative side dosn't give up very easy.
thank for sharing your thought's.
ive justed read that post and found it brilliaNT. THANK YOU FOR WRITING IT, NEVER EVER EVER KNEW ABOUT OTHERS GETTING THE WHITE FLASHES WHEN EYES CLOSED...I USED TO GET THIS ALL THE TIME.
i was convinced i had a bleed inside my brain after a head injury and then that one was dealt with and i went onto another and so on and so forth.......all anxiety and all just worry....
great post
thanks.
im in a constant state of anxiety, once i feel better, BOOM anxious again. this has been going on for me for the last month bigtime tho ive been suffering from panic/anxiety for almost 8 years now its getting worse latly. my head is realy up my bum daily. the battle in my head realy does effect me from doing anything at all.
ClemmonsHoo
31-10-05, 18:43
Thanks for posting that. That is exactly what I have been going thru since I had my heart bypass. As soon as I awoke after the surgery I was already convinced that the surgeons had screwed something up. I have since had another angiogram as my anxiety was causing heart related symptoms that forced me to go to the emergency room with pain in one arm and shoulder (like a heart attack). The angiogram came back normal, so I KNOW the docs didn't screw up, and yet I still fight this battle everyday and night. Now I'm convinced that my heart attack caused irreversible heart damage that is gonna end any chance I'll ever have for happiness, and I'm positive I'll never be able to do anything I enjoy in life. It's a constant battle to convince myself otherwise.
bonzarinababy
01-01-06, 16:48
Thanks so much for this brilliant post (directed to me by the incredibly intuitive Meg – thank you too) – although at times I laughed out load when reading it, it was because of the way I recognised myself in what you wrote – only difference being mine changes to whatever fits the current ‘symptoms’ I’m having (most recent was that I was diabetic heading for a sugar induced coma). It’s funny to reflect on, but nothing funny at all when you’re alone and frightened, having an argument with that stupid dumb a** devil sitting on your shoulder.
Thanks again for showing we’re not alone.
BB x
Worry gives a small thing a big shadow.
That was such a fantastic post! I wll read it again and again. Thanks for sharing it with us.
Yvonne
Y Goble
Thank you very much for writing this post, i will print it off. This is a very good example and I for one will be reading this a few times.
Well done
Feel free to PM me, if you want to talk.
Emma xx
Keep focused, keep positive.
Excellant example of how our negative speak gets louder... but our positive speak is stronger....
Lets hope we can all quieten the negative...
Gina
Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
by Portia Nelson
I. I walk down the street.
There's a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost.....I am helpless;
it isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
II. I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place;
but it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
III. I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in....it's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
IV. I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
V. I walk down a different street.
This post was absolutely brilliant...
I've been reading on this forum about how people tend to panic about brain tumors...and this post hit the nail on the head for me personally. after a minor concussion 14 months ago i had an MRI preformed and was diagnosed with a low grade glioma (brain stem tumor) its very small, and ive had no clinical signs of it, other than some nice pictures from the mri. after the diagnosis is when my panic attacks hit for the first time, i wouldnt constantly argue with myself about the symptoms of death and would assure myself constantly that this was it. after going to a neurosurgeon we did several followup MRI's and it turns out that i have had a brain tumor for the majority of my life and that chances are it wont do me any harm. this is where my survivor guilt kicked in. i would think *it cant be this easy* the dr's are wrong and missed something. then the panic kicks in, and i would tell myself "see, you're dying this is it." i went to the doc's to deal with this and was diagnosed with panic disorder/GAD and since then life has been improving. the biggest steps for me have been the lifestyle aspect, I can no longer drink alcohol or caffeine, unless i would like to spend the next 30 hours with bouts of anxiety. so for all of you who geek out on gettin a brain tumor...dont worry, even that isnt a guaranteed death sentence:)
leighleigh
11-04-06, 09:46
wow im so glad i joined here. The more i read the better i feel and i seem to understand that tiny bit more wat is happening and how to cope, THANKYOU ALL SO MUCH for just having the time to share and i hope this is helping you too xxxxxxx
shell xx
"live each day as if it's your last, one day it will be"
Jeezz!!! The same fellows are talking to me too!!!
This *conversation* is all too familiar.[Ugh]
Ardyce
nick_london
12-07-06, 19:15
[quote]I've been anxious pretty much for 3 months now. It all started
<snip>
Damn good post.
expecto patronum
13-07-06, 10:41
Wow, sometimes I feel like its only me that has this constant 'argument' going on in my head, I have even likened it to the cartoon angel and devil just like u!
barb mrozek
17-07-06, 20:58
[quote]<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">I've been anxious pretty much for 3 months now. It all started when I found a lump on my testicle - this lead to my first ever panic attack (a week later, I guess all the worrying caught up with me).
Anyhow, over the last few months there's been a constant two sided conversation in my head between my positive and negative thoughts. Its almost like a cartoon angel and devil sitting on my shoulder, and its driving me nuts.
Italic Font - Mr Negative
Normal Font - Mr Positive.
---------------
In General
You had testicular cancer 3 months ago. The tumor was removed, but you've since developed all the classic signs of a brain tumor haven't you? You didn't catch it in time, it spread to your neck and then into your brain. They only scanned your from the chest downwards. This type of cancer doesn't show up in the blood 30% of the time. The doctors, pathologists, oncologists and your optician are incompetent and don't know what they are doing.
Rubbish. The biopsy showed a very small tumor, and there was no sign of invasion, not even microscopic. What are the chances that its spread to your neck and brain given all the proffesionals you've seen, plus all the negative test results, plus the extreme unlikelyhood of it ever spreading to the brain before first showing up in the abdomen and lungs? Practically zero. And even after that it must be a pretty crafty brain tumor to avoid detection by two oncologists, two doctors and an optician.
The only thing that's wrong with you is that you have anxiety. You are cured. If anything, you have survivor guilt syndrome. It all happened so fast, and you were 'cured' so quickly that you somehow felt cheated - You have surgery, a week later you see an oncologist who gives you the all clear and then you're left alone with your thoughts.
On top of this you have to remember that just after being diagnosed, you were CONVINCED you had lung cancer. By the time you were sat in the urologist's office, you could bearly breathe out of one lung. Remember? You said it felt like it was made of lead. You were so convinced that the first thing the urologist did was send you straight for an X-Ray. An hour after you got the news that your lungs looked 'fine', you're breathing returned to normal. And you haven't had a SINGLE problem with it since. Not even a twinge.
And if that wasn't enough, weren't you getting horrible stabbing pains and cramps in your abdomen and terrible back pain in the days leading up to your CT scan? Again, you were absolutely CONVINCED you had tumors in several lymph nodes in your abdomen. And so what happened when you got the CT scan results? That's right, you haven't had a single twinge in that area since.
See a pattern here? Anxiety causes a tightness of the chest. Anxiety causes abdomen problems (IBS and co) and its psychosomatic style can amplify a slight back ache into a crippling one. The reason you're focused on your neck and head is that its the only two places they HAVEN'T scanned. Don't forget that.
Headaches
Headaches are a classic sign of a brain tumor. And you've pretty much had a headache in one form or another for the last two and a half months. No headaches last that long. You rearly suffered from headaches before this. Its obviously a tumor. Its worse when you lie down. Which is bad news. Because extra blood pressure to your brain causes it to ache more.
Remember how you first described the headaches to your GP the first time you went to see him? That's right, you described it as having a vice around your head. Sounds an awful lot like the classic tension 'headband' headache doesn't it? Remember you telling the GP about the headache at the base of your skull? Tension in the neck.
Remember that your jaw hurt the same time? Remember using that massaging machine on it? Remember how it mad
I can see that this post has helped a lot of people, but as someone whose primary cause of health anxiety is testicular cancer, the fact that you have had it has made me feel a whole lot worse. :(
I know that regular checks are neccessary for my own wellbeing so i'm confronted with having to check them on a regular basis. I've seen the DR and had them checked numerous times when I thought that there was something wrong only to be told that they are unconcerned by their findings.
Sorry if my previous post sounds abrupt. It wasn't meant to
Further to my apology, I realise that the fact that you did have testicular cancer doesn't by default mean that I also must have undetected testicular cancer!
What an idiot I am!! Just shows how the mind, or rather my mind at the moment latches onto something and makes a quantum leap from it.
Sorry again :)
Very good post mate :) my psychologist writes my negative and realistic thoughts on cards, I read them everyday but sometimes (quite often at the moment) they don't seem to go in but he assures me they do.
MasterJPK69
01-01-07, 06:32
Well written my friend you basically hit it on the head on how i think every day man and i thought i was going crazy. It accually feels better to know i am not the only one with these symptoms, feelings or thoughts.
toffeechris
16-07-07, 11:10
Top post mate. I only really come onto this forum when I'm feeling like I'm not able to overcome the negative thoughts etc, and although your symptoms are different to my own issues, the overall message shines through like the light at the end of the tunnel. Cheers fella!
What a brilliant post.
From my 2 pence - I used to just hear the Mr Negative. But didn't realise it was just the negative, until I found this site and a commonality with other people on here. That and reading a book awoke my Mr Positive, which had always been there, just quietly sleeping in the back of my mind somewhere. Now I really take time to appreciate the positive things in my life and use these to try and put a positive outlook into my thoughts.
I find it's when i'm on my own, or bored, or driving that I get the negative stuff and it's always my mind running through situations of confrontation and people wanting to hurt me. But atleast I do snap out of it now and realise what is happening.
Anyway, that was the 2pence - great post bud!
Jaffa
I struggle with health anxiety on a frequent basis, so I recognize the conversation posted at the beginning of this thread. I came down with fibromyalgia in 2003, but not knowing what it was I spent the next year and a half in and out of the ER and doctor's office with all kinds of different symptoms. Then I was finally diagnosed, which helped a little - as some of you may know, fibromyalgia presents itself in a wide variety of strange symptoms which are very confusing when the diagnosis is not known. Anyway, the diagnosis helped a little with my anxiety because I could guess that new symptoms were nothing more than fibro. But there's always that nagging voice in the back of my mind wondering if ''this time it's something worse". It's really hard, because that nagging voice won't let me be, but I'm growing less and less patient with my relatively frequent visits to the doctor. So whenever a new symptom pops up I want to get it checked out but at the same time I want to break down at the thought of spending even more time at the doctor's office. I'm exhausted from it all. :weep:
Hi there
Im sorry your going through this bad time but glad you are talking to us.
Your post is fanastic you have opened up something here that will help us all.
I can completely relate to what you are discribing.
I call it the crow that sits on my shoulder drumming into me the negative thoughts and my flight/fight trying to fight back but the crow always wins.
Great post take care of you
Smudgie
Sheenbean000
20-05-08, 06:33
Wow! I am sooo glad I have people to relate to! I have the same problem..constantly fighting with myself!! I have more of health anxieties about sexual health FOR NOW anyways! haha I look up symptoms of herpes..one second I have the same freakin symptoms...then I can calm myself down by saying to myself..."shhh it's your anxieties..." then the symptoms go away...a little while later I start thinking of the symptoms again and it's a pattern like that...I HATE IT! I get soooo mad at myself...glad there is others like me :) it proves to yourself on how powerful your brain is...
Oh your post is so true about me as well! Its so good to know there are other people who battle with themselves like I do.
Basically a few months ago I had muscle tension in the left side of my chest - Told myself I had breast cancer.
Achey pain in my leg which was tension again - DVT
Now I am having a nasty IBS flare up that has lasted a couple of months - but there are times I am conviced I have bowel cancer.
I read something on this site somewhere that has helped me. It says I should ask myself "Is the problem always there, or does it seem to go away when you are busy, having fun, and not thinking about it?" (words to that effect anyway) The answer to that question in my case is that its only there when I am thinking about it, which to me suggests my problems are caused by worry.
Kaz :)
Thank you, thank you, thank you for that. I never, ever knew that anyone would feel the same as me. I often talk to my hubby about the "other side of me" that constantly tells me how every symptom I have is signs of a fatal, painful, lingering death on its way via cancer or heart attack/disease or some horrible undiagnosed illness that only I know I've got.
We've stopped watching Casualty, Holby City, Doctors or anything else medical as I develop the symptoms at some point. I hate the voice in my head. I have to find the strong one that will shut it up. I thought I'd only have this for a day or so, maybe a couple of weeks but I've been anxious all my life and this episode has lasted for 15 months now. You are not alone and neither am I.
ps the shaking inside has stopped for the time being since I started writing this, strange?!
OMG!! Its almost as if he read my mind! I was exactly like this in the first year of my anxiety, I drove my doctor (and myself) nuts! I had the same lead lung feeling, breathing was almost impossible and so painful yet the scans were fine, suddenly I'd feel fine, until my next attack of course (LOL) Can't believe other people have had these battling thoughts aswell, it makes me feel so much better to know I wasn't crazy. Thankyou! xx
Thank God for that wicked post! Sounds like me so far my postpartum headaches must be a brain tumor, which leads on from hodgkins last week, thyroiditus the week before, blood clots in both legs and chest throughout pregnancy and Full Blown AIDS several times...., not forgetting lyme disease from mosquito bits on holiday and malignant melanoma. Oh not forgetting my slightly swollen glands which are obviously so many diseases. No one can accuse me of a lack of imagination. Thinking of all of you on here and hoping we all get through this! xx
Good stuff. I have had teeth trouble, especially recently when a slight infection started jangling my trigeminal nerve, causing pain in different places. Then I started panicking, and have convinced myself I have neuralgia, a brain tumour and many other exotic ailments. This all caused full blown panic, with even more head problems, vision problems and throat tightness. I am often scared to go to sleep because I don't think I'll wake up, and I've been to the doctor three times in two weeks. I am hoping that forthcoming dental work will shut up the devil opn my shoulder for good, but I realise it may take more work from me as well. Thanks everyone for the help and support you provide.
I've been anxious pretty much for 3 months now. It all started when I found a lump on my testicle - this lead to my first ever panic attack (a week later, I guess all the worrying caught up with me).
Anyhow, over the last few months there's been a constant two sided conversation in my head between my positive and negative thoughts. Its almost like a cartoon angel and devil sitting on my shoulder, and its driving me nuts.
Italic Font - Mr Negative
Normal Font - Mr Positive.
---------------
In General
You had testicular cancer 3 months ago. The tumor was removed, but you've since developed all the classic signs of a brain tumor haven't you? You didn't catch it in time, it spread to your neck and then into your brain. They only scanned your from the chest downwards. This type of cancer doesn't show up in the blood 30% of the time. The doctors, pathologists, oncologists and your optician are incompetent and don't know what they are doing.
Rubbish. The biopsy showed a very small tumor, and there was no sign of invasion, not even microscopic. What are the chances that its spread to your neck and brain given all the proffesionals you've seen, plus all the negative test results, plus the extreme unlikelyhood of it ever spreading to the brain before first showing up in the abdomen and lungs? Practically zero. And even after that it must be a pretty crafty brain tumor to avoid detection by two oncologists, two doctors and an optician.
The only thing that's wrong with you is that you have anxiety. You are cured. If anything, you have survivor guilt syndrome. It all happened so fast, and you were 'cured' so quickly that you somehow felt cheated - You have surgery, a week later you see an oncologist who gives you the all clear and then you're left alone with your thoughts.
On top of this you have to remember that just after being diagnosed, you were CONVINCED you had lung cancer. By the time you were sat in the urologist's office, you could bearly breathe out of one lung. Remember? You said it felt like it was made of lead. You were so convinced that the first thing the urologist did was send you straight for an X-Ray. An hour after you got the news that your lungs looked 'fine', you're breathing returned to normal. And you haven't had a SINGLE problem with it since. Not even a twinge.
And if that wasn't enough, weren't you getting horrible stabbing pains and cramps in your abdomen and terrible back pain in the days leading up to your CT scan? Again, you were absolutely CONVINCED you had tumors in several lymph nodes in your abdomen. And so what happened when you got the CT scan results? That's right, you haven't had a single twinge in that area since.
See a pattern here? Anxiety causes a tightness of the chest. Anxiety causes abdomen problems (IBS and co) and its psychosomatic style can amplify a slight back ache into a crippling one. The reason you're focused on your neck and head is that its the only two places they HAVEN'T scanned. Don't forget that.
Headaches
Headaches are a classic sign of a brain tumor. And you've pretty much had a headache in one form or another for the last two and a half months. No headaches last that long. You rearly suffered from headaches before this. Its obviously a tumor. Its worse when you lie down. Which is bad news. Because extra blood pressure to your brain causes it to ache more.
Remember how you first described the headaches to your GP the first time you went to see him? That's right, you described it as having a vice around your head. Sounds an awful lot like the classic tension 'headband' headache doesn't it? Remember you telling the GP about the headache at the base of your skull? Tension in the neck.
Remember that your jaw hurt the same time? Remember using that massaging machine on it? Remember how it made the jaw pain much worse and you had to sleep sitting up in bed that night? Well what you did there was cause and effect. You made the muscles in your neck and jaw ache worse, making your headache muc
What an amazing post. You hit the nail right on the head. It how a lot of people with Health Anxiety are feeling.
Kathy
Karl Rautmann
12-11-08, 16:02
Karl Rautmann
I'm going to a uroligist about blockage and soarness in my testicles therefor I think that have cancer in my urnary tract and blatter and testicles which is what I have to have to become pope so I fighting a two headed monster mental illness and hipochondria Im going to see what the dr says but I need help if you can tell me anything please do
Karl Rautmann
krp89034@Yahoo.com
ailsajayne26
05-03-09, 22:44
Im newly back to this site so have just read this post, but thats how ive been most of my life!!! Im pretty ok now... would recommend CBT to everyone!!! It really really helps!!... but still have the constant monologue in my head about every ache and pain!! the difference between when i was really bad and now is that i listen to the voice, then tell it to shut up by pointing out the ''mr positive'' side and usually am ok soon after!! I just wanted to say that to anyone who is still struggling to keep the positive voice the loudest.. you can do it!! and you will xxx
Wow! were you reading my mind? Keep up the good work! It's hard some times to put how i feel into words but you done a good job there for me.
Christinak
23-04-09, 01:31
I have just found this site and had to register and post as I relate to your post so much. I've been feeling like this for so long, it is hard to remember a time that I don't feel sick to my stomach with worry or have chest pain which is only made worse by my worrying. People have bee telling me that I am an hypochondriac and I really felt like nobody understood, that I was isolated and that they were flippantly labelling me under an umbrella term. I really appreciate that you have put your thoughts into words. Thank you.
ukflyer2008
12-10-09, 21:33
Hi,
Thanks for the post!
I really can relate in many aspects. I to was diagnosed with TC back in 2004 and like you was absolutely convinced of lung and liver involvement, which obviously was totally unfounded.
Your description is very accurate how my (our) minds behave.
I seem to go through health anxiety a couple of times a year.
It is laughable now but it amazing how I can fear the worst....a couple of months ago I got a small ulcer on the floor of my mouth, although I regularly get mouth ulcers this was slightly different so I googled it, and guess what, the first site I saw had a diagram of a mouth with an arrow pointing to the exact area labeled 'mouth cancer'. Yep- I was convinced and was checking it like 20 times a day but the 'good angel' was saying all along "its just an ulcer", but no it was painless and in the position that the internet said so it must be cancer.
I can laugh now but this type of Anxiety keeps repeating and I know Im doing it but cant help but worry.
I would love to hear from anyone who has come up with a coping stratergy.
I have not consulted a doctor about this as I have other Anxiety related issues and really want to avoid medication if I can.
sfaok....hv u looked inide ma heid????? thats what i go through constantly..t ut mr positive is much stronger than mine !!!!!!!!!!!my mr negative wins most of the time...i honestly never thought that anyone else had these thoughts..please keep on postin..wishin u peace of mind x:ohmy:
This is exactly what goes on in my head, right now its something like:
Been getting random groin pains again, could be an STI.
If you had an STI, I'm sure the pain will be constant and extremely painful all the time and not just an on/off thing. Besides, the last time you had sex was last summer, you'd know by now.
Yeah but the condom split on one occasion remember?
Remember what all your friends have said, they encounter the same types of pains. Its natural.
What if it isnt? What if they're just telling me that to shut me up about my problems?
There's been no painful urination or any discharge atall. You're fine.
What about that little pale patch just under the head of the penis? Could be Primary Syphilis
If it was a large white ulcer then yes, that may be the case but it isnt is it.
This type of battle happens every day :(
I have been having CBT and one of the things that they teach is that we catorophise our thoughts. I am the worlds best like many of the examples that are written here, which make me smile in a knowing way. Let me share what I over catosrophise more often than not.
I have an upset tummy - stomach cancer
I am giddy - I will pass out choke on my vomit and die
I am not breathing properly - I will have an heart attack and die
I have a pain in my chest - I am having an heart attack
I have a bump or lump - Cancer I will die
I have a little blood in my stools - I have bowel cancer I will die
See the problem, I take a fairly ordinary everyday issue that we all suffer from and I extrematise the outcome. When in reality what is happening is
I have an upset tummy - it will pass in a couple in a day or so
I am giddy - I might be tired, dehydrated, have't eaten properly low blood sugar level.
I am not breathing properly - anxiety causes muscles to contract and tension to form in the muscles this can result in the feeling of having a tight chest.
I have a pain in my chest - again, tight tense muscles cause pain and aches and strains.
I have a bump or lump - I had this once, it turned out to be bust tendon, I didn't eat for a week because of this.
I have a little blood in my stools - I suffer from piles maybe it is that.:yahoo:
macc noodle
16-03-11, 08:40
SFAOK
What a piece of writing - brilliant insight which can only be expressed by someone who suffers in this way. Thank you so much for elucidating what the rest of us have to deal with daily when we are in the grips of HA.
If only non sufferers (who live with sufferers :)) could read this, it might help them understand the conflict - that we do understand in moments of calmness and rationality that we are fine and that it is "just" anxiety but when the mist descends, we simply cannot escape from the clutches of the fear and belief that we are dying from some dreadful disease.
Thank you once again - a brilliant piece of writing
:D
I had a post here, but I removed it because I felt it put a TOTAL downer on a lovely, well thought out piece of writing. I apologise, I will go stick it elsewhere. :(
clairebear34
10-08-15, 17:23
I get this constant battle it distressing and very tiring atm ive got a heart problem this is what ive convince myself last week it was stomache ulcer or cancer went to drs for results all clear.. whats made me think a heart problem is I keep getting pains in my left arm.. which I think is just carpel tunnel as I developed it while pregnant not pregnant anymore but I still have it..?? so im thinking of a heart problem but I havw read if it dont go away chances are it isnt a heart problem it more like muscular or a tendon or trapped nerve I neck although im always trying to convince myself it not heart I'll get another twinge and im back to square one again.. and I do excesize which easiers it yet anothwr sign it isnt heart problem cos it'r get worse on cos I always think its my heart I then tense up so much I get palpations which then leads me thinking it certainly is my heart.... everyday is a battle im scared to go drs again because I will panic and cos I tjink its my heart and it wont beable to handle the stress...?? I really could do with some reassurance and someone to tell me its okay and tell me symptoms of a heart problem to see if I have got a bad heart
2manyworries
30-11-16, 18:23
I cannot believe how relieved I am to have found this site and this post. I wake up every day wondering when I will die of cancer. I cannot accept the mammograms this year and last year are accurate and am sure that my dense breast tissue is hiding cancer. I have always been terrified of dying due to various damaging issues in my childhood - mainly a mum who from my earliest memories told me she would die of cancer young just like her mum and that I would be sorry then. Sure enough she sat on all the signs of bowel cancer for 4 years and then died (not terribly young but young enough to shake me up). I know I am nothing like that - I don't want cancer to be my self fulfilling prophecy but instead being cautious has turned into a screwed up state of alert 24/7. There isn't a day which passes where I don't believe I have some form of cancer and on some days breast checks will run into 30 or 40 a day. I broke down last night and begged my husband to pay for me to have my breasts removed so that I wouldn't have this worry - then I felt horrendous that I would wish such a thing when there are people out there who have no choice. No one really seems to understand - I get told so often 'don't worry'. Right now my persistent cough since September, which logic tells me is due to anxiety, coupled with a pain in my chest (which is most likely the chest wall tear they told me about at mammogram) and the pain under my arm (which is almost certainly linked to the chest wall tear) have all cumulated in me believing I have advanced breast cancer. Despite only having a mammogram in May! I don't think this forum will help me shake these demons any time soon but god I am glad to know I am not alone .... I can't bear the thought though that I might waste every day of my life worrying like this and look back with bitter regret. I also can't bear the though my children (and I have a few) are witnessing this ...
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