Whats wrong with me?

[tashbarnes87]

Ok this is a bit long and most of you know i have a crippling fear of having HIV even though i have had a test. I havent been on here for a few weeks but all the regualar old fears are creeping back. Spent 2 hours yest crying cos of a new mole i found that was slightly raised - must be cancer! and a day before convinced i have cervical cancer. I have a doc appointment next friday to talk over those fears though. However the big thing that is troubling me at the moment is this HIV fear, i am almost scared to go outside anymore incase i 'catch it' i freak out for days if i used a public loo in case i sat in someones wee or a bit of blood and now i have it. I went to ikea yest and some dodgy guy knocked in to me from behind and i was nearly sick with fear that for some reason he had injected me with HIV ( i know that sounds insane) i slightly cut my finger on some packaging there and i was convinced that someone with the illness cut their finger too and again i have it. This is a constant battle for me now, and as i said i only feel safe in my home. I went home imediately after ikea and inspected my whole body for any marks ( how i found the mole) i just hate being this paranoid. Woke up today and looked at my handbag and there is a big dark patch and ok it is probably hot chocolate or something but i am convinced its blood and cos i touched it its screwing with my head. Whats going on? why am i like this?

Should also add i am aware that people who get hiv sometimes get flu like symptoms when they are first infected well thi has completely screwed my head, as i have been sneezing today and feeling slightly bunged up and i cant deal with it :(

I also have this mole on my back which is perfectly round, completely brown but is slightly raised but the thing that is bothering me is i am not sure it was there last week, ok i cant be sure but its really bothering me :(

x

[jannnne]

Oh Tash poor you, its ok you are not alone not only do we both have acid reflux I too have new mole panic and am off to docs on Monday. I have a new mark and 2 little red dots have come in it ooooh dear. I have used sunbeds too. I am sure it is only anxiety I would get it checked by you doc to ease your mind. How much longer till you pop??? cant be long now. Lots of love to you and your bump x

[tashbarnes87]

Hi Jannnne, hope you are ok i havent been on here much so have missed a lot but sorry to hear about your appointment yesterday well done for going though! 19 days to go! i guess thats one of the problems i am on maternity leave so have a lot of free time! but then too scared to go out lol!

Cant wait for the little man to get here so i can focus my energy on him
xx

[willtheconk1998]

Tash,

I totally sympathise with you.

I think there are a lot of us out there who feel or have felt like you do.

Firstly it always makes sense to get new symptoms or issues that worry you checked out with your GP mainly for your own peace of mind especially if you are an anxious person.

But if they dismiss all major issues and classify you with anxiety then I now think that the following applies.

A friend of mine taught me this and i now think the same way.

I think the reason we are like this is because we become so hyper aware of our bodies that we focus on our health and the way we feel all the time and we think about nothin else.

We are constantly checking and scanning our bodies and trying to diagnose ourselves off of the internet and he thinks that if your focus is totally on your health and the way you feel then it is only natural that you will notice every little thing your body does and eventually nothing else will matter.

If your thoughts are always worriesome and negative then you are kind of programming yourself to feel like this, because you are feeding the "symptoms" of your anxiety byfocusing all your thoughts on them. Unfortunately if you think about something enough whether it is real or not you can make it seem very real to you you can make it worse or even create a new feeling or "symptom". But if you have been told by your GP you are ok then all you are creating are more feelings of anxiety not Cancer or HIV or anything else nasty.
We programme the way we feel every day. What we are thinking at any time creates the way we are. If we are thinking about cancer or HIV or thinking that headache is a tumour then it is only natural we are going to become anxious because we are feeding the demon that is anxiety.

Discuss all your fears with your doctor and if he or she feels tests will put your mind at rest then he or she will do them. Be totally open and honest with them and tell them everything you are feeling. If you feel you can't tell them then write everything down, chapter and verse then they can discuss every "symptom" with you so that you don't leave thinking oh I forgot about this or that and then you start focusing on that and the cycle starts again.
Once thay have done what needs to be done and if they tell you it is anxiety then as hard as it is (and it is hard when we are like this) we have to believe them.
Then you have to start a new thought process and start to attack your negatiive thoughts and fears head on.
You need to take your mind and body back from the anxiety you have created inside.
If you starve your thoughts and fears of information by not googling every twinge or new spot or ache or pain and try not attaching every major disease or cancer to a thought or feeling then you will start to win your life back.

Part of our problem is we are so aware of our bodies that sensations that feel normal in "normal" people we just attach the wrong meaning to and if we can change that then we can win.

It is hard but it can be done.

My friend is not a doctor but he is someone who is passionate about helping others and beating this.
His website is basic and just starting it is nowhere as good as this.
I use this site a lot and the help and support you can take from it is brilliant.
But he is pasionate about this and wants us all to find a way to beat this "illness".

His site is www.healthanxiety.co.uk

[willtheconk1998]

Oops he'll love me for putting the wrong address it's

www.healthanxietyhelp.co.uk (http://www.healthanxietyhelp.co.uk) :)

[itoldyouiwasill]

Tash,

I totally sympathise with you.

I think there are a lot of us out there who feel or have felt like you do.

Firstly it always makes sense to get new symptoms or issues that worry you checked out with your GP mainly for your own peace of mind especially if you are an anxious person.

But if they dismiss all major issues and classify you with anxiety then I now think that the following applies.

A friend of mine taught me this and i now think the same way.

I think the reason we are like this is because we become so hyper aware of our bodies that we focus on our health and the way we feel all the time and we think about nothin else.

We are constantly checking and scanning our bodies and trying to diagnose ourselves off of the internet and he thinks that if your focus is totally on your health and the way you feel then it is only natural that you will notice every little thing your body does and eventually nothing else will matter.

If your thoughts are always worriesome and negative then you are kind of programming yourself to feel like this, because you are feeding the "symptoms" of your anxiety byfocusing all your thoughts on them. Unfortunately if you think about something enough whether it is real or not you can make it seem very real to you you can make it worse or even create a new feeling or "symptom". But if you have been told by your GP you are ok then all you are creating are more feelings of anxiety not Cancer or HIV or anything else nasty.
We programme the way we feel every day. What we are thinking at any time creates the way we are. If we are thinking about cancer or HIV or thinking that headache is a tumour then it is only natural we are going to become anxious because we are feeding the demon that is anxiety.

Discuss all your fears with your doctor and if he or she feels tests will put your mind at rest then he or she will do them. Be totally open and honest with them and tell them everything you are feeling. If you feel you can't tell them then write everything down, chapter and verse then they can discuss every "symptom" with you so that you don't leave thinking oh I forgot about this or that and then you start focusing on that and the cycle starts again.
Once thay have done what needs to be done and if they tell you it is anxiety then as hard as it is (and it is hard when we are like this) we have to believe them.
Then you have to start a new thought process and start to attack your negatiive thoughts and fears head on.
You need to take your mind and body back from the anxiety you have created inside.
If you starve your thoughts and fears of information by not googling every twinge or new spot or ache or pain and try not attaching every major disease or cancer to a thought or feeling then you will start to win your life back.

Part of our problem is we are so aware of our bodies that sensations that feel normal in "normal" people we just attach the wrong meaning to and if we can change that then we can win.

It is hard but it can be done.

My friend is not a doctor but he is someone who is passionate about helping others and beating this.
His website is basic and just starting it is nowhere as good as this.
I use this site a lot and the help and support you can take from it is brilliant.
But he is pasionate about this and wants us all to find a way to beat this "illness".

His site is www.healthanxiety.co.uk (http://www.healthanxiety.co.uk)

...and the truth shall set you free:yesyes:

Fantastic post!

[girlrock]

Hey Tash,

Been wondering where you were! Thought maybe you had the baby :) Well I think the previous posts were pretty detailed but I thought I'd share with you a little tidbit of information that helped me with the public bathroom situation and stuff. Do you know that the chance of actually being infected with HIV when having sex with an HIV positive person or even getting stuck with a needle they have used are actually pretty low??? So think to yourself...that if the transmission is low on those 2 forms of direct contact...then its even LOWER(if it existed at all) when using the bathroom or bumping into someone at a store.

Heh we were on a cruise in June and the waiter accidentally spit when he was talking and it went right into my eyeball. I freaked out all day thinking I was going to get HIV. So I can sympathize with how you are feeling but just giving you a tip on how I talk myself out of the scare. Hope you are doing well hun, take care.

[lauren6]

Tash, the brown spots on your back might be seborrheic keratosis. I have many of them and have had them biopsied. VERY common. You might want to check this if it will comfort you, look at the pics online and see if it looks like yours.