How do I avoid a PA tonight?

[rocklover]

Recently I have begun having a panic attack every time I see my boyfriend, I am supposed to be ging over to his house this evening, but I woke up with the familiar dread in the pit of my stomach and huge anxiety feelings.

I read Christine Ingham's Panic Attacks book as recommended on here just before Christmas. The advice in there is brilliant and I have been trying to follow it, by trying to diffuse the panic with positive statements, and also trying to look at it scientifically to enable me to be able to spot my "trigger thoughts". So far I am not doing too well, I think the problem is that because I am so anxious from the moment I get up, I work myself up into an attack, rather than relaxing and avoiding one.

I really am not sure what to do. I am also worried about the relationship as I feel that my boyfriend is a bit fed up with my circumstances (lack of job and money), so this is only making me worse. He knows about my anxiety, but he doesn't know how bad it is as I hide my PA's quite well when with him. I know I need to talk to him about it, as it is part of me, and if he loves me, it won't make a difference to him. I am so scared to do this, because to be honest, I am very unsure of his committment to me, despite the fact we have been together for almost a year.

At times I am tempted to end the relationship as I think that I am not good enough for him and the effort he makes for me has decreased quite abit in the last 3 months. I am really stuck and very anxious.

[Notator]

It's only an opinion, but I think you should talk to your fella and tell him about how you feel... You say you are not sure about the relationship and his commitment, but you are hiding a significant factor in your own life. Perhaps he could be aware of the fact that you are "holding back" and this own reticence could be because he senses that you are not fully committed...

If you talk to him and open up and tell the truth you will find out the truer nature of your relationship perhaps... Of course, it may not go the way you want it to go...but at least you would know.

Forgive me for throwing out an opinion... that's all it is...but when I read your post I couldnt help but think that you are going to be making yourself more anxious about going round there in case you "lose it" and have a panic attack there and the truth comes tumbling out...

Maybe use the "new year, new start" thing... tell your guy the truth, an honest, open and supportive relationship is better than any fake one....

[rocklover]

Hi Notator, you raise some good points. Maybe he feels that I am keeping my distance at times, although generally I am very affectionate towards him and he is fairly upfront with me if he has a problem with anything. He has not said anything to me so far.

I spoke to a good friend last night and he also told me that I must talk to my boyfriend about how I feel. I think if I do, then maybe it would help me move forward with my anxiety. I just have so little self esteem that I do realise it can make me paranoid, but also, it means I do need to know how people feel about me. I wish I could stop stressing about it, but even before my anxiety I was a worrier, especially about relationships, so I know that it's something I need to work on.

[rocklover]

Well, I managed to talk myself down from a full PA last night, but I still felt horrendously on edge and jittery all night. I decided not to have "the talk" because I didn't feel I could concentrate, plus I am going to stay the weekend, so I have more time.

I didn't sleep well last night and this morning had to leave his at 6am to get back to my house for my daughter's birthday and today I feel dreadful. I have been constantly been fending of a PA and I feel really sick, I am presuming this is because of my high anx levels and tiredness, plus I didn't eat that well yesterday. I am trying so hard to think positively and repeat positive affirmations when I feel my anx levels rise. I have nothing to be anxious about today, but feel as tight as a coiled spring. Can anyone else relate to this?

[LeeBee]

Absolutely. Even if I'm not thinking anxious thoughts, at the moment my chest feels tight all the time. Hope things go well for you :hugs:.

[rocklover]

Have had an awful day, most of it unpleasant because of panic feelings (not helpful as was my daughter's birthday). Now feeling sick and washed out, trying not to worry too much as I am going to my boyfriend's for the weekend, but I'm finding things very hard.