How could it all have come back?

[missacorah]

Hi everyone!

I'm ashamed to say I havent posted here in over a year or more. I guess I was hoping I had completely recovered or something daft like that.

I started having panic attacks about 4 years ago after a 'genuine' illness left me pretty much housebound. I had to leave my job at a primary school despite making several attempts to go back but being unable to.

My main problems were panic attacks,agorophobia and the worse one - feeling faint when out and about.I became completely housebound after a while.

Over the past couple of years I have started small but worked my way up to where I can do my own weekly food shop again, go to parents evenings, cinemas, take my kids to appointments etc and have been rfeeling really grateful that this horrible spell has come to an end.

Then last week I was waiting in a queue in a clothes shop when I got that horrid familiar dizzy feeling and the shaky legs and felt like I was about to pass out. It caught me unaware as I hadnt expereinced it for so long so I left the shop and stood outside thinking maybe I was coming down with something and was feeling genuinely faint. Of course, I wasnt as as soon as I was outside I felt fine.

The next day I backed out of a trip to the local panto incase it happened again which made me furious with myself.

This week when I did my weekly food shopping my legs were quivering the whole way round and today I woke up feeling ill at the thought of where I had promised to take the kids today - it was the loal cinema for goodness sakes!

I am so worried that after all the hard work I have done this has all come back to me. I am so worried that this is the case.

I had a death of a much lovely family pet at the start of December and a 2 week viral illness in mid December. I am also being pressured to start a job in January that I dont know if I will be able to cope with. Do you think these would be contributing factors at all?

I would be really grateful for any views and thankyou for reading :)

[Anna C]

Hi,

First I wanted to say well done on all the progress you have made over the last few years, to go from being housebound to being able to do all those things. You should be so proud of yourself!

I do think that losing your pet, being ill and worrying about starting a new job could all have put you under more stress and have contributed to how you are feeling now. But I would say its just a setback, try not to let it worry you too much, anxiety is a bully and it feeds on our fear.

Can you remember what you did first time round to beat your fears could you try the same things again and see if they can help again? Have you listened to the Claire Weekes downloads on here they may help? Or maybe speak to your GP if you still feel the same in a few days.

Take care and I wish you the best of luck. Anna xx

[rocklover]

I am in exactly the same boat. My anxiety started in August and in sept I completely broke down, but I managed to pull myself out of it (constant nausea and PAs) without meds or therapy and throughout Oct I was fine.

Then I went on holiday to Florida in Nov, and had some PAs at the theme parks, although I still managed to enjoy the holiday. Since I got back though, I have slid slowly backwards to where I was before...in fact worse, because I am having very frequent PAs now, even at home. It is very depressing, but I am trying to think positively and tell myself that if I got better before, I can do it again!

I too need to start work as I am broke, but need to get a job first lol, it is completley terrifying though and I am sure that it is putting pressure on me, making things worse. I am currently re-reading Christine Ingham's Panic Attacks, it is really helpful, and the main concept is positive thinking and making any changes to your lifestyle if needs be. I have rambled a bit, but what I mean is, even though we are afraid now, we know we have it within ourselves to get better, we just have to be determined.

[missacorah]

Thanks Anna for the positive praise. I hope you are right and this is juat a setback. Im trying hard to not keep thinking about it all coming back but of course thats proving easier said than done.Im trying to remember what kind of things helped me first time around - I think it was mainly just chipping away at it in tiny pieces. I remember at one point I could do no more than race to the local shop and back once a day but it just seems such a depressing thought that I could be going back to all that!I have the Claire Weekes book so may give that a re read to try and buck me up a little.

Thanks for the response rocklover and sorry to hear you are going through a similar thing. I agree positive thinking is really important to maintain with anxiety but sometimes its just so difficult isnt it?

[Notator]

Sorry you had a "glitch" MissAcorah, try to stay positive and think of it as such!! I always try hard when I get down to think of all the times I DIDN'T panic rather than dwelling on those that you did!
Keep fighting them, never let the b*****rs beat ya!

[belle]

Hi there..
Wow, your story sounds amazingly similar to mine. I was panic free for quite a while and one day, i had one and it knocked me for six. From then i had about 5 in a very short space of time. Eventually i stopped doing things from the fear of having another. Sadly, for me, it was definitely my downfall. I spiraled into a deep pit of panic/anxiety and depression and i am still there and this happened 3 years ago.

You know what you need to do to get well again and that is to confront it RIGHT NOW. DO NOT leave it like i did.

GOOD LUCK, you did it once you CAN do it again :)

x

[rocklover]

Yes , positive thinking is hard, and is sometimes impossible. Today has been horrendous for me, half of it just one long panic attack, still feeling ill now, but the panic has died down at least.

I managed to stave off a complete PA last night by telling myself over and over I was in control, however, I still felt very on edge and uncomfortable the rest of the night, but still, it's a step in the right direction.

Hope that things are going better for you today.

[missacorah]

Thanks, you too. Today hasnt been quite as bad as the past few days so Im really really hoping this is just a setback. Fingers crossed we can all feel a little better soon x

[Lou17]

I too thought I was over this, only for it to come back and bite me on the a*se 6 months ago. It is very stressful having put yourself through all that only for it to come back, but what we have to remember is we have done it once, we can do it again! The feelings may seem as intense as before, but Im sure the progression will be alot quicker for us when we do start to tackle this again. You'll get over this, have faith! xxx