HELP...My son

[Meewah]

Hi

I am really worried. My son is growing up fast and is 11 in a few months. He seems either to be very loving and cuddly and wanting our attention all the time or he turns in to "Kevin the teenager" where he dislikes everything.

More worryingly he has started saying that he "might as well commit suicide". He has said it about four times and once to his 7 year old brother. I don't know if he has just learnt about it and feels it is another shock tactic or if he is finding it difficult?

Can anyone advise as I feel if I respond too much to him he will relise its power, does anyone else have a son who seemed to be going through a tough time at 10? He keeps saying he is no good at things, but then in the next breath seems to be having fun with his friends.

He has a very supportive family and I wonder if like a lot of anxious parents we smother him. We have only just let him go to the shop by himself which is5 mins away and he has to cross a busy road.

Any advice would be welcome as this is adding to my Anxiety.

Mee

[Meewah]

Thanks for the support guys

Mee

[Notator]

Apologies for a probably dumb question but have you asked him why he said it?

[Meewah]

Well no,,,May be I should. I did not want to give it any gravitas. I thought if I made a big deal about it then it may cause him to use the statement more.

A little bit like when a child swears you can ignore it or react over the top. If you ignore it he will realise that it was not such a powerful word after all. They talk about kids testing there parents? The word Suicide and my 10 year old son just dont go together. I think fear has made me avoid the subject.

Should I talk to him about it?

Mee

P.S. Thanks for being the first to reply. Thought I was being stubed.

[Notator]

Personally I wouldn't bring it up as that would re-inforce the power of it, but If I heard him say it again I would ask simply and calmly just to see what the response was.

Most children are curious about death, its one of life's great taboos. I wouldn't worry about it in just that one context if I were you. Are there any other "worrying" signs? If not, I'd assume its just that he has learned the power of the statement. Children can be terribly nihilistic ya know!

[ladybird64]

Meewah, sometimes people just don't have an answer and therefore don't respond, having said that I do realise it can make you feel like you're being ignored.
Sounds like your lad is approaching the dreaded puberty. It may well be for shock value but I do think that it would be wiser to ask your son why he said it. Is he having any problems at school that might be worrying him? I'm just wondering what the "things" are that he thinks he is no good at.
If you can, try and keep the channels of communication open on this, but try and do it when he's cuddly not Kevin!
As for smothering him..I did exactly the same with mine and they haven't suffered any lasting trauma! I would say that as he moves into his last year of primary school, this is the time to loosen the reins a little as he will need to start preparing for secondary school. I'm sure you have taught him well about road safety and all the other stuff that worries us witless..this is where you have to take the leap of faith and show him that you trust him. I know it's hard.
If ony parenthood came with an instruction manual..:winks:

[Notator]

and a guarantee!

[Meewah]

Ladybird - Words of wisdom, I cant believe with all this experience here on this site that no one can offer a little helping hand I am sure there are enough parents on here who feel empathy.

Thanks For the replies.

Mee

[bukendaa]

maybie you should take him to a psychitrest maybie its hes diet or maybie hes just going thru a phase i would take him to a psych and ask him if things are okay at school i dont think hes suicidal kids at 11 arnt they have there whole life ahead oif them so just tick that one off but just incase sit down and talk with him would be the best thing

[marie1974]

hi i have a 11 year old and i would say ask him if there is anything wrong etc, let him know he can talk to u about anything and that u will always help him no matter wot is wrong.

i have always been like this with my son and i hope he would come to me, its a difficult age really my son is nearly 12 and hitting puberty already and dealing with emotions and spots and sometimes it is hard for him, i think its part of him growing up but just make sure u let him know he can talk to u.

my son only just goes to shops on his own and i have let him go to town with his friend twice which is a 15min walk from here, i dont think u are being over protective, u have to b so careful nowa days hun.

im sure u doing a great job and u got great son, thats why we worry so much cos we luv erm so much. hugs xxx

[crunchie01]

hi
my son who is 11 has turned into a nightmare at the moment, on minute hes fine the next he is having a major strop he says things like my life isnt worth living and i might as well be dead, he says this when i have banned him off his laptop or his wii, i think as others have said it is something they learn and they know they get a reaction when they say it,
if he says it again i would just talk to him and see how he is feeling.
he has asked me if he can go to town but i wont let him,he goes to shop but only if he is with someone else, i am a bit over protective of him and my daughter